


Pretty When You Cry [HIATUS]

by shreklover_06



Category: Life Is Strange 2 (Video Game)
Genre: Best Friends to Lovers, Dysfunctional Family, M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:13:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25654957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shreklover_06/pseuds/shreklover_06
Summary: Sean was an average eight year old, who was just a bit lonelier than most. This all changes however, when a strange and beautiful boy by the name of Finn McNamara falls for him — in more than one way.
Relationships: Sean Diaz/Finn
Comments: 28
Kudos: 36





	1. Prologue

Sean Diaz was always quite a lonesome child. While most kids at his age would likely be playing some type of sport all in a group together, he would be locked in his room, either absentmindedly writing or simply playing some dumb video game for hours upon hours. He always loved to keep his window slightly ajar, despite his mother's constant nagging to close it. That open window was something like a gateway to a world he knew that he would never understand. 

It could confidently be said that Sean had one of the biggest hearts in the world. All he wanted was for everyone to be happy, even those who didn't deserve it. Sean seemed to see only things good and clean through his eyes. To him, no bad things could ever possibly thrive in a world filled with such brightness and hope. With such immense love and caring in his heart, it was only natural that all he'd ever wanted was simply someone to share it with. 

But albeit such a powerful want, Sean Diaz was scared. To him, talking to strangers was harder than any test he'd ever had to take in school. Though he desperately yearned for contact and interaction with other people, his fear always seemed to overcome the want. He presumably never had that confidence that he so badly needed. The confidence and strength he thought he lacked simply drowned out all his desires to make friends, and soon enough he found himself in the shadows, alone and friendless. 

Soon enough, Sean became an introvert at its finest.

Finn McNamara was something like a perfect child to the parents constantly around him. He was always a nice and polite gentleman, even at the mere age of eight. He treated each one of his many friends with nothing but kindness and fairness in his heart. He seemed like a very innocent person who would never hurt even a fly. This commonly assumed misconception that Finn was perhaps the most perfect child in the world bothered him immensely. In reality, Finn was simply a talented actor who knew just how to please everyone. 

He knew just the right things to say, just the right way to act, and just the right way to play his seemingly never-ending part. Finn trusted no one, and therefore pretended to be someone else. He vowed to never ever show the true Finn to anyone, since it would only bring him immense pain and consequences in the end. 

Finn McNamara, even at the age of eight, had his opinions. He knew quite well that not everyone was all what they were put out to be. It seemed that all the people in the world were simply liars and cheaters who did anything they could to achieve their goals and selfish desires. He had never met a person with nothing but pure and good intentions and was quite set on the idea that he never would.

He easily admits just like everyone else in his rotten world that he is nothing but a liar as well.


	2. Chapter One

_**January 2009** _

High-pitched cheers and hollers sounded from a second-grade classroom, as the teacher announced that it was recess time. She rushed to quiet the rowdy kids down, not wanting to disturb other classes nearby. Almost every child seemed quite joyful that they were finally done with work and could play and enjoy leisure time with their friends, as most would.

Amongst the vast majority, however, one particularly silent child simply stood out. Seated in the very back of the classroom was Sean, a small boy with a lovely crown of dark brown hair and the biggest and brightest eyes, that always seemed to twinkle with intelligence. He was a beautiful little boy, and it was clear to most adults around him, though he was more than a little lonely. 

His classmates seemed to keep a wall of separation between themselves and Sean. This occurrence stood true with every passing school year, as Sean would once again find himself alone. Most teachers favored him, though, as he kept to himself and did as told without conflict. Most assumed that he just preferred being by himself.

To say that Sean enjoyed the separation he felt, was a total and complete stretch. Every time he watched his fellow pupils play tag and soccer with each other, he felt a pang of sadness in his little heart. He wondered constantly just what exactly made people avoid him so much. He would overhear his classmates discussing weekend plans to have playdates and to go to fun places like the beach with each other, and he had to hold back his tears. Even if he had friends to play with, he knew that his mother would never allow him to leave the house — especially without her.

Slowly rising from his desk, Sean made his way to the door leading out to the playground, stepping in line behind everyone else. He observed everyone closely, noting the gleeful and excited expressions all the little boys and girls had. He felt no anticipation to be outside whatsoever. All he wanted to do was get to art class and then go home.

Briefly glancing at his teacher to ensure she wasn't looking at him, Sean quickly scrambled back to his desk and pulled out what he considered his most prized possession; his sketchbook. The precious book contained precious and extremely valued doodles that Sean had drawn throughout his childhood. Despite the book's gigantic size — which indeed weighed heavily upon Sean’s backpack — he couldn't bear to leave his house without it.

Snatching a pencil from off the neighboring desk to his, he shoved it into his pocket and hurried after the rest of the class, who were exiting the room. His short little legs could barely carry him out the door in time, but he managed to slip through, albeit slipping and falling into the sand of the playground once he approached it. 

Unintentionally making a small whimper-like noise, he hurriedly got to his feet, brushing sand from his knees.

Looking around carefully, he quickly located his usual spot under a large old oak tree, which the teacher had informed Sean was hundreds of years old. In the comfort of the ancient tree’s shade; was where Sean plopped down, sitting crisscross-applesauce, as his teacher always instructed her students to. 

After all, he wanted to at least be a good boy and do as told. With a slightly cheerful smile, Sean removed the borrowed pencil from his pocket and flipped to a blank page of his sketchbook. He was always happiest when he was allowed time to draw.

Slowly, he started sketching out the basics of the new action figure he had gotten, taking his time to make the figure look as accurate to the vision in his mind. Most of the time, Sean found himself drawing superheroes and characters from cartoons and video games that he liked the most. 

Occasionally, though, he would draw flowers and sometimes even his mother... but those things took a lot more effort and time, that Sean’s undeveloped brain still had not yet acquired the patience for.

Sean smiled to himself as he began shading in his finished work, which had thankfully taken him mere minutes. Recently, he prided himself on his growing abilities as an artist. He noticed how his doodles were becoming more and more realistic, and not just mindless scribbles on a page. He had read on the internet that the key to becoming a better drawler was merely to: practice, practice, practice. And so, he did just as the website said. 

Setting the now dull pencil down, he held his sketchbook up in front of his face, examining it carefully. With his nose wrinkled in concentration, he focused on some of the uneven lines and odd shading, trying to determine whether to fix them up a bit or leave them as they were.

He groaned softly in indecisiveness, unable to determine what exactly to do. Just as he was about to pick up his pencil and continue, however, a loud shriek suddenly came from above him, along with the sound of rustling leaves. 

Not even seconds later, something came crashing down onto Sean, crushing him against the grass and the tree. He laid there, still as can be, as he waited for the heavy object to remove itself from him. Said heavy object turned out to be a boy who was even smaller than Sean, but still weighed a ton. With a whimper of pain, the boy struggled to get off Sean’s chest, promptly rolling onto the ground with another whimper.

Once again able to breathe, Sean scrambled up to his feet, looking at the boy laying on the grass near him. His light brown hair was full of twigs and pieces of grass and he had dirt smudged all over his face. Sean cringed in disgust, wishing that the person who had practically killed him was at least clean. The boy seemed to be in pain, whining for his mother to come help him. Sean couldn’t help but tsk, feeling as though he was being a bit overdramatic. If anything, Sean should be the injured one.

“Please… help me...” The small boy murmured, reaching out for Sean’s hand. He in response, shrugged it away, looking grossed out. The boy’s hand fell back to the grass, a look of dismay striking his features. He looked almost pitiful, Sean thought. He turned away, placing a hand over his mouth to stifle his giggles. It was rude to laugh at others, but this boy was just too funny-looking to not be amusing.

He began to feel a bit guilty, though, when he heard soft sniffles coming from the boy. Was he crying, perhaps? Sean turned to look at him again, now bearing a concerned expression. He absolutely hated it when people cried. Crying meant that Sean had failed to make the particular person happy. 

Seeing the tears drip down the boy’s dirt-covered face, he couldn’t help but rush over to him, taking the previously offered hand and helping the crying boy up. As he half-carried, half-dragged the kid over to the teacher’s station, he noticed that his knee was all scraped up and bloody. It was now no wonder why he had been calling out for help.

Upon reaching the first aid station, a teacher quickly took ahold of the boy and sat him down in one of the chairs set out. He watched in curiosity as she wet a napkin with some bottled water and began wiping the dirt from the boy’s face. 

Slowly but surely, his features started to come into Sean’s view. As the boy stared at the teacher with his glossy blue eyes, Sean couldn’t help but gasp. He wasn’t ugly or dirty at all! In fact, he was quite pretty – or as his mother had instructed him to describe himself as; handsome.

The teacher brushed the debris from the boy’s soft-looking locks, before restyling it in a way she saw fit. The boy’s pink bottom lip quivered slightly as the teacher started to clean up the wound on his knee, applying some medicine to the cut, before bandaging it. “There you go, Finn. Try and be more careful next time you play. No climbing trees.”

Sean’s eyes widened slightly. Was the boy’s name Finn? He found himself analyzing the small figure, trying to determine if he looked like a Finn. Just as he was doing so, however, he stood and limped over to Sean, standing in front of him. Incredibly enough, he stood at least two inches shorter than Sean, which was quite the feat for him, considering that he was very short. 

“You saved me!” Finn suddenly announced loudly, causing most of the children to stop what they were doing and turn to the two.

Finn grinned sweetly at Sean, clearly missing one of his front teeth. “You saved me!” He repeated again, except with even more enthusiasm. Sean found himself unable to respond, not knowing what to say. All eyes were on him for the first time in his life, and he absolutely loved it. “I-I…”

He was then caught off by loud cheers, as Finn stepped even closer, wrapping the taller into a bone-crushing hug. Sean went stiff, nose crinkling as he was hit was a strong wave of strawberry-scented shampoo emitting from Finn’s hair. He had to admit that he preferred the watermelon scented one of the same brand, though the strawberry just seemed to suit the small boy embracing him.

Soon, however, Finn was pulling away from him and skipping to rejoin his chattering friends. He spoke loudly and excitedly, constantly cracking jokes and always attempting to make his friends giggle or chuckle. Sean unknowingly felt himself wondering how he had never before noticed the bubbly and energetic boy on the playground. At that moment, to him, Finn seemed almost impossible to miss.

Perhaps, though, it was the knowledge that Finn appreciated and recognized Sean as a fellow human being, that made his heart pound and his cheeks redden. Did Finn consider him as a savior now? Maybe even a friend? Oh, how Sean longed to have a friend!

He stood on the sidewalk in silence, merely thinking, for the rest of the hour of playtime, before he was ushered into yet another line. He was still in a trance of sorts, even as his teacher counted out each student, making sure that everyone was present. Sean sighed as the door to his classroom was opened and students began to rush inside. He really was not in the mood to be learning how to add and subtract, but rather in the mood to draw. 

He wanted to draw the first boy who had ever been kind and nice to him. He wanted to draw Finn and his delicate and soft features, which had been masked by the dirt resulting from his fall. Sean pouted a bit in displeasure, longing to be in art class already.

Just as he was about to reenter the thankfully air-conditioned classroom, he felt a light tap on his shoulder. It was Finn once again, except he was holding Sean’s sketchbook in his hands. He glanced between the book and Sean. 

“I-I made you forget this… I’m sorry.” He touched his shoulder in apology before handing the sketchbook over and starting to turn to walk away.

“Wait… Finn, right?” Sean questioned, causing him to pause.

He met his eyes once again, nodding slowly. “Yeah, my name is Finn. What’s yours?” He asked, eyes sparkling with interest.

“My name is Sean…” He muttered softly, unable to meet the gaze of the boy. He felt strangely shy in his presence. Finn either didn’t seem to notice this or ignored it entirely, as he smiled the familiar grin from before. 

“We should be friends!” He exclaimed in a sweet tone of voice. Sean was left stunned, as Finn immediately turned again and scrambled back to his classroom line.

He never returned the borrowed pencil.


	3. Chapter Two

_**April 2013** _

“She’s really pretty! Don’t you think?!” Came the soft and sweet voice of twelve-year-old Sean Diaz’s best friend, Finn McNamara. Slowly, the former lifted his head and turned to look in the direction of his friend’s finger. It seemed the subject of Finn’s compliment was one of their classmates, whose name Sean had not come to know. 

Sean studied the taller girl with keen eyes, trying to determine what exactly it was that made her quite so special in Finn’s eyes. Sure, her hair was pretty and looked soft, but her face was like everyone else’s. In his opinion, she was just not worthy of Finn’s fancy — with him looking the way he did.

Sean couldn’t help but scoff in indignation and turn his head away from the girl, fists clenching in obvious anger. “You must be blind. She’s uglier than you, and that means a lot considering how you look.” 

Always hide what you really think, that’s all you ever do, Sean Diaz. Always too scared to tell him how you really think of him.

Finn’s soft smile slowly downturned into a small frown. Sean’s eyes immediately zeroed in on the tiny mole above Finn’s pink lips. He loved that little mole possibly more than anything in the entire world – minus maybe Finn himself.

“Why do you say such mean things, Sean? I was just saying what I thought about her… I don’t understand why you always have to be so rude.” Finn defended, snapping Sean out of his temporary daze. Sean could immediately tell that his friend was genuinely upset by what he said – perhaps he really did like the girl? He felt like smacking himself across the face, of course he always had to ruin things. He was such a dummy.

“Sorry, I just don’t understand what you see in her… that’s all.” Sean responded rather nonchalantly, trying not to make it too obvious that he felt any remorse whatsoever. Finn just stared at him for a moment before offering a small shrug. 

“I don’t know why I ever even say these things to you. You never agree with me anyways. Do you even like any of the girls in our class?”

Sean began to feel that annoyance and anger start to creep back and had to refrain from saying another nasty comment. He took a little breather, “I don’t know. I really don’t think about those things. Why do you care?” 

Sean took a quick glance around the classroom, noticing that everyone was starting to put their lunches away, suggesting that lunchtime was about to conclude, before looking back at the boy opposite to him.

“My mom said it’s normal for boys to start liking girls around our age. I guess you’re just a little behind.” Finn offered, starting to put his lunch away. Sean sighed softly and nodded in agreement, watching Finn’s nimble fingers move to zip up his lunch bag. 

God, it was just so difficult to be around him and to hear those kinds of things come out of his mouth. Sean would never, ever be like Finn. He would never like girls, and he was more than sure of it. The only person that he had ever felt any type of attraction towards was Finn. And what was he? A boy.

Sean silently zipped up his own Pokémon themed bag and stuffed it into his matching backpack. He wondered to himself if he’d ever be free from the little predicament that he had gotten himself into. Would that weird bubbly and tingly feeling ever disappear from his chest whenever Finn so much as laid even a hand on his shoulder? Would that weird habit of staring at his full, pink lips and his scar ever just fade into nonexistence? Sean wanted nothing more for it to go away. After all, he just wanted to be normal and like every other boy his age.

“Sean, you forgot to put your silverware away…” Finn suddenly said, once again pulling him away from his reveries. It was only seconds before he felt the warm touch of his hands and then the metal of his silverware. 

“You’re so forgetful…” He muttered, smiling oh-so sweetly. And like every single time before, Sean was mesmerized. See, the reason why Sean couldn’t bring himself to like any of the girls in their class was because his own best friend was already prettier than all of them combined.

Sean immediately ripped his own hand away and grumbled in distaste, before quickly unzipping his backpack and stuffing the fork and spoon away. Poor Finn was left blinking in confusion, wondering just why his friend was so grumpy today. Sean knew clear and well that he should stop being so rude and mean to his best friend, but he couldn’t help it. He was still upset over what he had said earlier about their classmate. 

He wanted to be seen like that in Finn’s eyes. Pretty, handsome, or perhaps even beautiful. He wanted that recognition from him more than anything in the entire world. But, he knew that recognition would never be found. That kind of thing would seem weird to others, especially Finn.

“The teacher should be back soon. Can you help me study for the math test?” Finn questioned after a moment of silence between the two. Sean furrowed his brows in confusion, 

“There’s a test today?”

He let out a soft laugh – absolute music to Sean’s ears. “Yes, silly Seanie. There is a math test today on multiplication. I hope you know what you’re doing, cause I sure don’t.” He sighed in relief upon hearing that the test would be on something as simple as multiplication. 

He then reached into the little compartment built into his desk and pulled out his red math notebook, which was always filled to the brim with his doodles and notes – but mostly doodles. 

“I actually have all the notes from that lesson, so for once you’re in luck.” He muttered, opening the book carefully, as to not accidentally reveal any of the random Finn doodles. He had been trying for so long to master drawing Finn’s portrait, but by that point, he had pretty much given up.

“Wow! Your doodles are so cool!” Finn exclaimed suddenly upon reaching the multiplication notes. Sean felt his face begin to heat up at the casual praise. If anyone else had said such a thing to him – even the teacher, he would never feel the way he did when he was the one to compliment him. Because like he thinks repeatedly in his head, Finn is special to him. Really special.

Sean coughed loudly before quickly thanking him. “Everything should be there. Otherwise, you’re on your own. You should’ve studied on your own if you were really so concerned about this test.” He replied with a fake sigh of annoyance. In reality, he wanted nothing more than to spend hours and hours showing him exactly how to do everything so that there was no way that he would do bad on the test. But he really shouldn’t care that much, right?

“Uh, thanks…? Once again, I’m not really sure why you’re in such a grumpy mood today, but whatever…” Finn muttered, taking ahold of Sean’s red notebook and bringing it towards himself. He watched closely as Finn’s eyes scanned through his carefully written and constructed notes, noting the small pout upon his lips as he approached something especially difficult to understand.

Sean had absolutely no idea what kind of expression he displayed when looking at Finn, but it was more than clear to others around him that he felt something a little more than mere companionship towards the slightly larger boy in front of him. And somehow, for some odd reason, the universe simply didn’t like this specific expression – so it decided to change it to pure panic and horror, all with a simple wind gust through the slightly ajar window beside them. 

That simple little gust of wind sent the precious pages of Sean’s special red notebook flying, and straight to the little failed Finn portraits.

His eyes slowly focused in on the little pencil-drawn pictures of him. Though they were really not the best in Sean’s eyes, they more than clearly showed Finn’s face. His heart nearly stopped as he realized that he was completely done for. Now, Finn would finally realize his secret. He would know how gross and disgusting he was for thinking of his friend in such an unnatural way.

“I-I can explain! Those—” He began to speak, trying to somehow defend himself while the tears began to build in his eyes. He was immediately cut off by the appearance of his friend’s beautiful smile. 

“Wow, did you draw these? How amazing!” Finn gushed, looking up to meet his eyes. There was no indication of negative emotion on his face, and really, he just looked in awe.

“W-what??” Sean mumbled, lost for words at his friend’s reaction to his pictures. How could Finn not see this as weird? How could he not look at him with disgust?

“I asked if you drew these pictures of me… I really like the way you draw, you made me look like an anime character! How cool! You’re so cool!” He practically beamed up at him, causing his breath to hitch. Finn thought he was cool? He actually thought he was cool??

“I-I drew them, yeah… It’s just you’re so close… so it’s easier to draw you – um, if you don’t mind that…” He blushed slightly, keeping his head down.

“Of course. I can be your model! I don’t mind at all!” Finn replied with yet another smile. Sean felt as he might as well die, his heart was racing so fast.

He looked back down at the page in front of him, lightly tracing over the doodle. He then carefully returned back to his previous page and continued his rigorous studying as if nothing had ever happened. 

After all, the teacher would be back within minutes and he needed to cram as much information into his brain as possible. Considering this, Sean then decided to give his friend a little help, as a “thank you” of sorts for not making him feel bad. 

Though it was unfortunate that Finn had even seen a glimpse of the doodles, he was just thankful that he had not turned to the next page, on which a bored and cheesy Sean had scribbled “Sean McNamara” about a hundred times in a row, before deciding that “Finn Diaz” sounded just a little bit better. 

On all levels, Sean Diaz was possibly the dumbest dummy in the entire school — and possibly the world. After all, it is never wise to mix your carefully constructed math notes with your romantic fantasies — especially when the object of said fantasies, just happens to be even more so impaired in the subject of mathematics and constantly requests your assistance. 

But of course, he was just a simple-minded twelve-year-old boy who had a rather odd affliction for his best friend.

—

Sean and Finn walked home together from school with each other every day. This was because they just so happened to live on the same street and would be walking the same route as the other regardless. Though tired and overworked from the challenging math test from earlier, both boys stumbled along the sidewalk, chatting casually as they did so. 

The sun was brutally beating down on them, causing an unfortunate Sean to practically sweat buckets and equally unfortunate Finn to become even more fatigued than he already was, but not once break a sweat.

On extremely hot days, such as then, Sean always obsessively worried about how he smelled. Though he always made sure to put a considerable amount of deodorant on and sneak a few sprits of his father’s expensive cologne before he left the house for school, he still couldn’t help but wonder if it was enough. He wanted more than anything to not seem gross or smelly to Finn on their walk home, as the latter always seemed to smell of fresh roses and strawberries – courtesy of his mother’s fabric softener and his shampoo.

Despite Sean’s constant fretting over his own musk, Finn had not once made any comments on his excessive amount of sweat and possibly foul body odor. While this was somewhat comforting, he still had lingering thoughts. Perhaps he didn’t say anything to spare his feelings? Finn was kind like that, although Sean knew he wasn’t afraid to speak up about things. It was all very confusing to Sean and more than a little stressful to think about.

So, naturally, as they walked along side-by-side, Sean would sneak in discreet sniffs to his armpits, quickly checking to see if the sweat had caused any odor to arise. Over and over again, he was proved wrong, until he finally decided that enough was enough and that he should really stop caring so much. After all, he was (slowly, but surely) becoming a man, and it shouldn’t be his fault if he smelled a little.

It was only until they reached Finn’s driveway and came to a stop at the front, that the thoughts started to return and nag at Sean’s mind – as they were at such close proximity now. Finn slowly turned to face him, causing Sean’s heart rate to speed up. It was deadly being so close to such a handsome face.

Finn smiled a bit, eyes focused solely on the smaller boy in front of him. “It doesn’t even feel like spring break, does it??” He began, to which Sean nodded in agreement. It made him sad to realize that in mere hours, his Finn would be miles away from him, in a place that Sean had never been or seen.

“H-have fun…” Sean started to say, just as he was enveloped in an embrace. Warmth spread throughout his entire body and butterflies swarmed around violently in his belly. Because this was no normal hug from his mother and father… this was a hug from Finn.

“I know you were in a grumpy mood today because you knew I’d be leaving… I forgive you…” Finn whispered softly, still not letting go of the smaller boy. In fact, he pulled him even closer for some unknown reason. 

“Sorry…” Sean muttered, although it came out slightly muffled. He expected Finn to pull away within seconds but was ultimately surprised with a wet peck to his cheek.

“You know Sean, you always smell really, really good…” He muttered, so quietly Sean strained to hear it.

With a giggle, Finn then finally pulled away for real – leaving Sean stunned and shaking. With a little wave, he then started to skip to the front porch of his house, still leaving Sean just standing there in awe.

Poor little Sean Diaz — at the mere age of twelve, he was already in way too deep.


	4. Chapter Three

_**June 2015** _

Soft and sweet like honey giggles erupted from behind the creamy white color of Sean’s bedroom door. The noise was nothing but a mere muffle to outsiders, but inside the far from soundproof walls of “Sean’s Kingdom”, it was practically booming. Only one such person could possibly be responsible for such a hearty and loud laugh – accompanied by the occasional less-than-attractive piggy snort, as well as the often obnoxiously childlike squeal. 

And the person solely at fault for the disturbance to the nearby slumbering neighbors was being relentlessly tickled nearly to his demise by the very keeper of the “Kingdom”.

“Sean! Quit it, you asshole!!” Finn screeched out, attempting with all his midget might – yes, he was still bitter about his recent lack of growth for the past two years – to escape the clutch of his oversized jerk of a friend. Kicking and thrashing his legs, he managed to move Sean to the other side of the bed, trying his hardest to scramble away from the evil jackass. Perhaps it was a mistake to sleepover at his house after all.

Sean let out a loud guffaw and immediately pulled his friend back closer, pausing only for a moment to tease him. In those seconds of foolishness, he finally came to the realization of how close the two of them were and felt his heart skip a beat. 

Finn narrowed his eyes and watched intently as Sean began to practically soften entirely – therefore loosening his firm grip on Finn. Naturally taking up his opportunity to escape, Finn did not hesitate to knee his dear BFF in the nuts with his knee and swiftly rolled off the bed and away, laughing hysterically at the top of his lungs.

“You bitch!!” Sean groaned in pain, rolling back and forth on the bed with his face scrunched up in agony.

“Sorry sweetie, I had to do it.” Finn replied with a nonchalant shrug of the shoulders and a cheeky smile – evident of the utter lack of remorse as displayed upon his features. 

In his mind, Sean had totally deserved the hurt for taking advantage of Finn’s rather small stature. It had been a constant bother to Finn’s ego ever since his childhood friend had shot up like a tree while simultaneously ditching him to become a track obsessed jock. 

Finn secretly prayed every night that they’d switch places in a few years and Sean would be the chubby one who stayed home all the time and Finn would become the one who was ripped as hell and constantly at the gym.

“God, you just murdered like fifty of my potential children!” Sean continued to bitch and moan about his poor injured crotch while Finn lazed around thoughtlessly on the comfy carpeted floors of the room. 

He couldn’t help but snort at his friend’s idiotic comment. “As if any girl would ever want to make babies with you in the first place. You and me both know you’re never getting laid. Like ever.”

At this, Sean seemed to quiet down, his eyes going downcast. Finn sat up from the floor and stared at him. This was not an uncommon occurrence. It was clear that whenever girls were mentioned by Finn in either a romantic or even sexual context, Sean would always pull the same shit. Finn wasn’t exactly sure why the subject never failed to whip his friend out of shape, but it certainly intrigued him quite a deal.

Sean, however, was not quite so aware of the habitual actions he displayed upon the mentioning of the opposite gender by Finn, but knew quite well why it displeased him so greatly. He would practically obsess over what had been said, sometimes for days, all the while constantly asking why. 

Why couldn’t his friend see that the only person that Sean would ever consider being with in that type of way was far from a female? How was he so oblivious to the way he stared for longer than he should? It wasn’t that Sean was particularly careful — he had learned that Finn was basically blind to his affections a long time ago.

Sighing, Finn got to his feet and climbed back onto his friend’s full-sized bed. “Are you sleepy, Seanie? Want me to sing you a lullaby?” He teased with his usual smirk. 

Though he liked to joke around a lot, nine times out of ten, he did mean the things that he said and offered. If his Sean needed him to sing him to sleep, he would gladly do it. Finn, completely unaware of the sincerity in his words, simply rolled his eyes and slumped against the pillows.

“I can’t wait till I turn fifteen…” Sean muttered absentmindedly, staring up at the ceiling. Finn watched him with an unreadable expression, thinking for a moment about what his friend was really implying by expressing such a desire. 

“Why? There’s really not much of a difference between fifteen and fourteen, I assure you. Do you just want to be the same age as me again??” He questioned, instantly relaxing when their eyes met.

Sean shrugged, not having a good enough answer for him. He simply just wanted to be fifteen; it seemed older - and it was. Finn watched him for a moment before scooting to the spot beside him so he wouldn’t have to look at him directly anymore. It got awkward quick when they were just staring at each other and not saying anything.

“I think I’m gonna sleep now, Sean… Is there anything else you’d like to share before yours truly gets his much-needed beauty sleep?” Finn finally asked, causing Sean to flinch in surprise just as he had started to drift off. 

“Ah… I guess nothing… I don’t really have anything else to say…” He replied, blushing slightly in embarrassment at his own lack of response.

Finn bit his lip in confliction, fumbling with his own fingers in slight nervousness. He was tempted to ask questions… tempted to learn things that he was sure he didn’t want to know in the first place, and to tell things he didn’t necessarily want to tell. 

Sean was way too pure and innocent to understand Finn’s inner struggles… at least that’s what Finn had always used an excuse to avoid telling the boy about his troubles. But he had to admit now, that Sean was really no child anymore and he too was well aware of the cold, dark world that they both lived in. The problem at hand though, was if Sean was ready to hear the cold hard truth of Finn’s desolate little world in specific.

“Your face looks dumb.” Sean suddenly commented out of the blue, reaching over to poke Finn’s cheek – which admittedly did cause both the former and the latter to blush. 

Finn wasn’t exactly sure why he felt so weird about Sean touching him so casually.

“Oh yeah?? Well yours looks even dumber.” Finn retorted, sticking his tongue out at his best friend just for good measure, before completely collapsing back on the pillows beneath his body. 

God, he was just so tired all the time. Being at Sean’s house and far away from his troublesome household was just an absolute blessing for Finn, while also a completely stressful and anxiety-ridden blessing at that.

Both boys laid in silence following their idiotic remarks, enraptured in the thoughts of their own minds. However, it wasn’t long before the smallest of the two began to slip off into his dreamland, leaving the other to fend for himself. Sean honestly didn’t mind always being the last of them to fall asleep. In fact, it was one of the best parts of their sleepovers. Because once Finn McNamara was out like a light, he stayed that way. And he surely wouldn’t feel that little goodnight kiss at the corner of his lips. Right?

—

“Fruit Loops or Cheerios?” Sean questioned, holding up the two rectangular boxes of cereal. Two sleepy and droopy-looking blue eyes peered back at him, and without much enthusiasm or even slight emotion, the owner of said eyes pointed to the colorful box of Fruit Loops. 

Sean couldn’t help but snicker at the childish choice, but regardless of his amusement, he still took the initiative to pour his tired puppy of a best friend some damn cereal. Upon setting the bowl down on the marbled island and helping Finn to his seat in front of his breakfast, a barely audible little meow sounded into the kitchen, alerting   
Sean of the unsurprising appearance of the stray kitten begging for food outside the sliding glass door in the kitchen.

It certainly was not unusual to see the small hungry animal, as she had been routinely coming to that very door for the past two weeks. Sean — being nothing but a devoted animal lover had immediately intended to adopt the tiny and lost little thing upon their first meeting but ultimately had been heavily scolded by his mother for bringing in an unfamiliar and dirty looking creature into the nice clean house. 

It had been no help to Sean’s defense that he was also severely allergic to all domestic animals of any sort — the only exception being reptiles and fish. He was not ashamed to admit that he had cried while sending the poor kitten astray. 

He had, however, promised himself that if that cat did indeed return, he would not hesitate to give her an adequate amount of food and some milk. He knew quite well that if he was caught that he would be in serious trouble yet deemed the kitten’s wellbeing as something a thousand times more important.

He glanced around cautiously to see if anyone besides Finn was watching just as a precaution, noting that Finn’s head was inches away from plummeting into his untouched cereal bowl. Snorting at his idiocy, Sean hurried to the sliding glass door and pushed aside the blinds, letting in the refreshing morning light while simultaneously blinding his half-asleep friend. 

Slowly unlocking the sliding glass door, he then proceeded to slide the door open effortlessly and without excess noise as a result of it. As expected, the white kitten, sprinkled with bits of brown from the mud and dirt of the outside world was waiting patiently for him. Sean cooed softly out of pity and bent down to gently scoop the kitten up and into his hands.

Finn immediately got up from the chair he had been sitting in – surprisingly fast for someone in his current state – and made his way over to Sean to observe the white fluffball in his arms. 

“What the hell is that?!” He exclaimed in a hushed tone, eyes narrowing. The kitten seemed almost frightened by the appearance of the smaller boy beside Sean and meowed quietly in distress. 

Sean promptly shushed his friend in response to his little outburst and carried the kitten inside the house. He had named her Luna. 

Having to move quickly, Sean went to one of the overhanging cupboards that was never used and opened it, taking out the little baggy of kitten food that he had prepared in advance. Just as he did every morning without complaint, he took an old washcloth from the same cupboard and laid it down on the floor with his free hand, before kneeling down to place Luna on the white cloth and setting out her food. With both hands now free, he stood back up to pour the cat a small bowl of milk and set it beside the food he had already laid out.

Finn, in turn, watched in bewilderment, wondering just whose cat exactly that Sean was nurturing so dutifully and why his eyes were starting to turn red as he did so. “Is that your kitten, Sean?” He whispered, beginning to approach him. 

Placing a hand on his friend’s shoulder, Finn watched the small animal before them nibble cutely yet skittishly at her food, awaiting Sean’s answer.

What he got instead of that answer, though, was a loud sneeze, and that was when he remembered that Sean was allergic to cats.


	5. Chapter Four

_**March 2016** _

The annoyingly loud sound of Sean’s alarm echoed through his room, breaking him abruptly from his slumber. In response to such a terrible awakening, the poor boy nearly leapt from his bed out of pure surprise, evidently causing him to topple out of it, and onto the floor below for the fifth time that month.

“Fuck!!” He yelped a little bit too loudly before scrambling to his feet and trying to shut off the damned alarm. As he fumbled hopelessly with the objects atop his bedside dresser, he somehow managed to make matters even worse by knocking his heavy phone off of the dresser and right onto his face.

In the chaos of it all, Sean’s mother silently slipped into the room, carrying a Sean-sized suit that was neatly ironed and inside of a dry-cleaner bag. Once Sean had finally managed to turn off the stupid alarm, he finally realized that his mother had been in the room the entire time and had seen his whole little clumsy fiasco. 

The two stared at each other in utter silence for a solid two minutes before they both burst into hysterical laughter. Sean’s long and lanky body definitely made him more susceptible to being clumsy, but the natural awkwardness that he had been born with surely did not help him out one bit.

When their idiotic laughter finally died out and came to an end, Sean noticed the suit in her hands and frowned in slight confusion. “What the hell is that hideous old thing?” He questioned, pointing to said hideous old thing. His mother smiled a bit at this, having known that he would be clueless as to what was in store for him.

“Ah yes. This is for your job interview today, Sean. You’re fifteen now and I think that it’s time you learned some work ethic for your future. You will be doing an interview for our auto shop with one of the managers that you don’t know.”

In retaliation to her words, Sean let out a loud groan of indignation and sat back down on his bed. His mother then gave him a look and placed the suit on his rumpled bedsheets. 

“Let’s be real here. This honestly wasn’t my decision for you, Sean. Your father simply would not have it if you just lazed around all day after school and on the weekends all the time. You have to start doing something productive with your life, son.” She explained, giving him an apologetic glance. She knew how much Sean despised working.

Sean crossed his arms in a childish way, having to stop himself from pouting. “Mom, please! I won’t have any time to hang out with Finn if I’m working all the time, this is totally not fair!” He exclaimed, wishing that she would defend him more when it came to his father.

Mrs. Diaz simply sighed in exasperation and reached over to pat down her son’s messy brown hair. “Maybe you should take a little rest from seeing Finn when you guys are outside of class. You’re overdoing it a little bit, I’m starting to get scared that he will leave you all alone for someone else. Then what would you do? That kid is a total social butterfly… I can only imagine how many friends he has, Sean. Meanwhile, all you’ve got is him and him only. I think it’s about time that you put yourself out there a bit more and made some new friends.”

Sean was immediately offended. He knew Finn would never replace him or abandon him. He was Finn’s best friend and no one could change that even if they tried. He had no idea why, but a feeling of extreme possessiveness over his friend was practically eating him alive.

He turned away from his mother slowly, not wanting her to see the unnatural blush on his face. “Finn is not like that. He likes our friendship as much as I do. Besides, I wouldn’t be able to find a person as great as him even if I looked.” He replied, picking up his cell phone as he spoke. He quickly unlocked the device, soon alerted to the text that he had received about an hour prior. 

Speak of the Devil, it was Finn himself, reminding an especially forgetful Sean of the time they had agreed on meeting at the movie theater. Instantly, as if a happiness spell had been cast on him, Sean began grinning from ear to ear.

“What are you smiling so creepily about, weirdo?” His mother asked, flicking one his ears.

“Ah, nothing… Just a cute dog picture that I saw.” He lied, as the first cover-up to what really made him smile.

He threw his phone aside carelessly and stood up from his bed, which was totally a bit of a temptress of the night and morning for an extremely sleep deprived Sean. Carefully, he made his way to the suit laid out for him and began to slowly unwrap it. He could feel his mother’s eyes on him as he attempted to get the stubborn see-through bag to unzip, making sure to be extra careful with it.

“Well, I’ll be taking my leave now. Have fun and don’t throw up, son!” She announced rather enthusiastically as her struggling son managed to get the dry clean bag off at last.

Once Sean was alone he was able to relax. It was increasingly difficult for him not to act weird with even his mother mentioning his best friend. He really couldn’t help but find the idea of him ever making another acquaintance or friend rather ridiculous. Boys his age were not nearly as mature as Sean was and he didn’t really want to put up with such idiocy for the sake of having backups for when Finn decided he wasn’t good enough.

It wasn’t that Sean hated making friends, but just that he was scared of losing those friends. In fact, he envied Finn greatly for being so well-rounded and social. He could only so much as dream of having as many friends as he did.

Shaking his head in disbelief, he slipped off his white nightshirt, replacing it with the pristine and proper undershirt for the suit. It was unbelievable that his father was seriously making him do a dumb job interview for his parent’s own business, especially one that wouldn’t even require him to dress nicely. The suit even turned out to be incredibly uncomfortable and stiff, which only worsened Sean’s mood. Though the undershirt did not fit too bad, the pants were way too tight for his toned legs. The suit jacket fit loosely around his biceps, and the material of the sleeves irritated his skin. 

What a shitstorm, he thought. The only thing that wasn’t utterly horrible about the whole interview mess was that it was early enough for him not to miss the meeting with Finn that they had set up. Sean cursed his father under his breath as he applied his usual more-than-supple amount of deodorant and then sprayed a bit of his lucky cologne all over. 

Now that he was fifteen, he was apparently a man in his father’s books and suddenly allowed to openly indulge in the many wonders of manly fragrances. His little brother, Daniel, often whined about his overuse of cologne, but Sean was sure he wouldn’t like his natural musk anymore so. 

Sean searched through his sheets for his cell phone, shoving it into his suit pocket as soon as he located it. Lord knows what he would have done without that phone of his. With one last glance in the bathroom mirror, he decided that he looked like a total snack, minus the pants that were too tight and the illusionary fullness of his arms, and then headed for his bedroom that led into the hallway.

—

Exactly four hours later, a flustered and extremely emotionally distressed Sean rushed out of the interview room with tears streaming down his face. As one could probably infer with just the mere pitiful image of him, the interview had taken a turn for the unfavorable.

Sean cursed loudly and hurried outside of the auto shop, wiping furiously at the stream of tears he was producing. Not only was he totally humiliated, but he was also delayed by about three additional hours, which ultimately meant that he was more than a little late for his movie meet-up with Finn. 

Still dressed in his agonizingly ill-fitted suit, he quickly flagged down a cab and climbed inside. Immediately, he took out his half-dead phone and dialed Finn’s number – that he had memorized by heart by now. He waited and waited desperately for his friend to pick up, and for that familiar annoyingly charming voice to greet him with a not-too-pleased tone. 

Sean had never once before been late to one of their outings, so perhaps Finn would let this slide just this once. But then again, if he was feeling anything like forgiveness then he would likely be answering the phone – which he was far from doing when Sean was instructed to leave a voicemail by a robotic-sounding lady. He then cursed yet again in frustration, grabbing at a few strands of his shaggy dark hair to tug on out of pure anger, and the powerful need to punch someone or something. Of course his father had to make him have an interview on the one day that he had something planned with Finn. 

Of course his father just had to pick the most ruthless and intimidating manager in the entire restaurant to do Sean’s interview, and of course his father’s manager just had to be three hours late.

Sean figured he probably looked like an absolute wreck of a person when he stepped out from the stupid cab that smelled suspiciously like weed, but he had places to be and a cute boy to apologize to. So, he booked it to the movie theater even in his ugly blue suit, that was most likely drenched with sweat by then. His crazed appearance certainly was not overlooked by anyone. He got several questioning looks as he pushed past the large doors of the movie theater and strode inside, a pool of sweat collecting unattractively at his forehead. 

Scanning the room carefully, Sean tried to locate his friend’s light brown colored hair, looking in every direction. Though he spotted several people with brown hair, none of them happened to be Finn himself. He groaned in irritation and went to go sit at the nearby benches, holding his head in his hands and massaging his temples. Finn was probably so damn mad at him by this point, and he had every right to be. It wasn’t right to keep your friend waiting for two hours without answering your phone once.

Sean sat at the bench for what seemed like a half an hour before he was approached by one of the workers, who tapped him on the shoulder. Looking up, he was not surprised to see that person had their eyebrows raised in suspicion. Maybe the weed smell from the cab had transferred to his suit somehow.

“Excuse me, sir... but you’ve been sitting there for a while now. Are you waiting for someone or something? If not, I’m going to have to ask you to either buy a ticket or else you will have to leave. Trespassing is not allowed here unless you’re here to watch a movie.” Sean figured he might as well ask if the woman had seen someone resembling Finn.

“Sorry ma’am, I was actually waiting for someone. Have you seen a kinda short guy with brown hair?” He questioned, a hopeful edge to his voice.

The woman pursed her lips and tapped her manicured nail to her chin. “I mean that description fits a lot of people but there was this one guy who was waiting here for a while. He left this same bench about an hour ago after some girl came out of one of the theaters and into the lobby. I overheard them talking about going to the arcade since he had apparently missed the movie he was going to watch. I hope it’s who you’re looking for.”

Sean’s face fell as he realized what was implied by her words. If the person she described was indeed Finn then that had to mean he was currently with a girl and in the arcade. Alone. With a girl. In the arcade.

He immediately sprung up from his seat, politely bowing to the woman as he made his way to the nearby arcade, which was too big to see inside of at Sean’s vantage point. Though he really didn’t want to see Finn and the girl together, he still wanted to at least apologize to his friend and promise to make it up to him.

Suddenly, as Sean was approaching the entrance to the arcade, a loud and more than a little familiar laugh erupted from inside. Sean’s heart practically skipped a beat at the wonderful sound and rapidly rushed inside. He instantly located Finn and the girl the worker had mentioned. Sean recognized her as someone in their class. Finn was beaming at her while they both tried to play a claw machine game. It wasn’t surprising that he looked so happy since Sean knew that Finn thought she was pretty. He had mentioned her in previous times, and now here he was hanging out with her. 

Sean didn’t know if he’d ever been so hurt in his entire life. He stared at the two laughing and talking with each other while starting to tear up a bit. Why couldn’t he be that girl? What was so special about her, exactly? He always wondered these things whenever Finn mentioned the girls that he thought were pretty in their class. Eventually, Finn turned away from the game, immediately sensing that someone was watching him. Sean watched as his eyes went wide in surprise. 

“Sean??” He immediately blurted out, his previous overtly cheery demeanor fading. Sean found himself unable to reply. He didn’t know what he would say anyways. He felt so bad, and so awful inside. The jealousy was intensifying with every second.

Finn sighed softly, and his initial shock faded away within moments. He slowly walked towards his tall friend and placed a hand on his shoulder. “Don’t look so panicked, Sean. I called your mom and she told me about the interview. Don’t feel bad...”

Sean’s cheeks immediately heated up with the contact and the soft and reassuring tone of Finn’s voice. He really couldn’t afford to look at him in the eyes, otherwise the blushing would just get worse. “I’m really sorry… Is there any way I could make it up to you?” He asked, keeping his focus on the ugly carpeting of the floor beneath them. He had never been so embarrassed in his entire life.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s really not that big of a deal to me. The movie we wanted to see has no more showing times, anyways. Besides that, I was able to meet up with Lyla from our class. So, don’t think I was bored or anything.”

Sean slowly directed his gaze to Lyla, the unfairly attractive girl who had been keeping Finncompany for the past hour or so in his place. She immediately smiled and waved to Sean. 

He nodded once in greeting to her, deciding to be an asshole and not smile back. He was just one big ball of jealousy, wasn’t he?

Finn’s hand finally left Sean’s shoulder and he turned his attention to her. “Well, it was really nice to finally meet you, Lyla. I have to go with Sean now. Text me when you get home safely, so I won’t worry too much, okay??” 

Lyla gave him an even bigger grin than she had given Sean while saying goodbye, her eyes sparkling with adoration. Because who didn’t adore Finn?

—

Sean sat directly across from Finn, watching as the smaller boy slowly ate his fast food, a rather sour expression on his face. Within an hour, Finn had gone from all smiley and sweet to more than a little moody, and Sean had no idea why. 

Setting down his own food, he scooted a bit closer, trying to no avail to get Finn’s attention. Perhaps only words would make Finn notice that Sean wanted to be noticed by him.

“Hey, dumbass, you’re turning into me. What’s the sulk for? I have never seen anything but a smile on your stupid face.” He said, trying to be as nonchalant and casual about his concerns as possible. 

As soon as Sean even said a word, Finn had jumped a bit in surprise, eyes going wide. He couldn’t resist the urge to chuckle. Obviously, the boy had a lot more on his mind than he had originally thought.

“I wasn’t sulking, what are you talking about?” He replied, voice quieter than normal. Well, at least he wasn’t in an annoying mood, as Sean claimed he was far too exhausted to possibly deal with his friend’s hyperactivity – which was a complete lie on his part.

“Yeah right. You’re acting like a girl on her period. Are you on your period, Finn?” Sean teased, grinning like an asshole at his friend’s displeased expression.

“No, I was just thinking. That’s all.” Finn said after a while, his eyes traveling downcast again.

“You really have got to elaborate a bit more than that. Tell me the truth, are you mad because I was late or are you mad that I interrupted your little date with Lyla?”

Finn made a face as soon as Sean mentioned the last part, which made him feel a bit better, but then went on to shake his head in the end, meaning that something else, likely more serious was bothering the poor boy. Usually, Sean could rely on Finn as being the toughest one in their friendship, the one with the strongest armor and the mightiest of all hearts. Nothing could ever get to him, while almost everything got to Sean’s weak and sensitive little heart.

“I’m just a little tired, Seanie…” Finn muttered softly, his eyes starting to look a bit sad. It wasn't every day that he used such an affectionate nickname for Sean, and he enjoyed every part of it. 

What he didn’t like, however, was that his friend was obviously dealing with something difficult, and he didn’t trust him enough to tell him just what it was.

Sean sighed in defeat, ruffling his own hair in exasperation. “Well, if you want to get your mind off of it we can go to that kid Eric’s birthday party tomorrow. He invited everyone in our class and he’s your friend anyways. Does that sound fun?” Finn only shrugged. 

There was definitely something wrong.


	6. Chapter Five

_**March 2016** _

Sean gazed up at the beautiful deep blue sky, gasping under his breath at the breathtakingly magnificent shade of it. As he stared for longer, he couldn’t miss the glorious curvature of the planet, as well as the several clouds filling the early morning sky above. 

These clouds were not messily bunched up but laid out in an ostensibly careful way amongst the atmosphere, with each white puff marking a special spot in the vibrant blue sky. In the middle of it all, the sun shone brightly.

He was absolutely entranced, and he knew it well. It wasn’t the first time it had happened. He often found himself falling under the spell of nature. 

Absentmindedly, he stretched out his long arms, as if he was reaching out to the sky. Though he figured he presumably looked quite silly, holding his arms out to something he could never, ever reach, Sean was just hopelessly entranced with the beauty of it all. 

One would ordinarily become tired of simply staring at the sky above all on their lonesome, particularly for such a long period of time as Sean was, but he was unusual. He almost underwent a detox of sorts from lying there, basking in the fresh outdoor air. His stress never failed to diminish when he spent his time outside, laying about aimlessly atop of the grass. It was thankfully not a particularly hot day, so he did not have to worry about getting a sunburn. 

A gentle breeze was also present, tossing his dark hair every which way. There were more than likely a few pieces of grass tangled in his hair. Sean, however, didn’t mind one bit. Every second of serenity was worth some messy hair.

A soft sigh slipped from Sean’s lips, disturbing the previous quiet of seconds before. The only noise to be heard was the mere rustle of the leaves on the various trees nearby Sean. There was no obnoxious honking of car horns, nor the irritating buzz of electricity from power lines, nor even the often distractingly tumultuous chitter-chatter of other humans. It was just Sean and the trees.

Slowly, his eyes began to flutter closed, hands going to rest on his chest. With his sight temporarily compromised, he was able to concentrate his focus on the earth below him, listening closely for the dull, yet wondrous hum of the Earth. He had loved that sound even as a child, immensely enjoying the motherly solace it provided him even in present times.

The whole reason that he had even thought of attending Eric’s birthday was due to Eric’s house being in walking distance of the park that Sean was currently resting in, which he had frequented in to draw as a young kid. 

Since the playground was sadly in such severe disrepair, no one ever seemed to come to visit anymore. Many immature and attention-seeking teenagers throughout the past few years claimed that the specific park was notably haunted, which made most people wary about coming to it. The overall avoidance of the hapless park ultimately led to the overgrown vegetation and rusted metal of the playground.

Sean deemed himself as being a moderately spiritual person and was fully certain that the whispers that people allegedly heard inside the park were not from lost souls but were the whispers of the isolated and neglected trees of the park that had been there for ages. Sean himself hadn't come in roughly a year and felt incredibly guilty for it. 

After all, the great seclusion of nature allowed for Sean to brazenly wear his heart on his sleeve and allowed him to offer his precious vulnerability to the lonely and unkempt plants and trees. There was no shame or regret in opening oneself up to the Earth.

He started to brush his fingertips against the overgrown grass that cushioned his body, appreciating the strangely soft texture that it provided. Weird as the action may have been, he couldn’t help but grin at it. He was alone, but at least he would never be as lonely as the trees surrounding him.

He laid there still for quite some time before he felt the sensation of being watched. After all, one's ability to sense things was somehow a hell of a lot better when one had their eyes closed. 

Sean first thought for a moment that perhaps the rumors about the park being haunted had some credibility to them until a familiar aroma wafted over to him with the blow of the wind. It really was no major surprise to Sean that he was there, as he was quite familiar with his old infatuation with the decrepit park.

He simply continued to pretend like he was asleep, waiting to see what Finn would do as his heart thumped erratically in his chest. He wondered if the other boy was feeling better than he had been when he had asked him to attend Eric’s birthday party in the first place.

He waited and waited until he finally heard the sound of subtle footsteps against the grass, before a heavy weight was unexpectedly dropped onto his body. Instantaneously, Sean’s eyes flew open in utter surprise, only to see that his best friend clinging tightly to him as he sobbed against his shirt, the wetness of his tears already seeping through the cheaply made fabric and staining his skin underneath. Finn was literally laying on top of him and crying his poor heart out, and he had no clue why.

Instead of spazzing out, though, Sean managed to keep on laying there, not moving a muscle and painfully resisting the urge to pat his friend’s back in a comforting manner. So, he waited once more, finding no degree of difficulty in being patient. Finn thought that he was asleep and he wanted to keep it that way just to save himself from the embarrassment. 

Sean was known as a heavy sleeper anyways, and was oddly fantastic at fake-sleeping. His shirt was drenched by the time Finn was done crying, but he really did not mind. Anyone that would’ve minded was insane in his eyes.

He kept his breathing even and his eyes sealed shut, assuming his natural sleeping expression that he had memorized for scientific purposes. He soon felt Finn lift his head up from his chest, likely to check if he was still asleep or not. It didn’t take long before he started to actually drift off, before he heard the raspy voice of his friend.

“Sean, are you awake?” Finn questioned, sounding considerably sad. Even though Sean knew it was bad to lie and all, he couldn’t make himself respond to him. All because he was foolish, greedy, and selfish. Finn and he hadn’t shared such an extreme amount of skinship since they had both turned thirteen. 

Now, Finn would be sixteen within mere months, and Sean had been fifteen for a while.

Finn waited an abnormally long amount of time to do anything else, and since Sean could not see anything he was doing, he was quite intrigued. But quickly, he found himself becoming lulled to sleep again, slipping in and out of awareness. He was clueless about how he could still manage to fall asleep even with about one hundred and ten pounds of cute boy laying on him, but maybe that was the very reason he was falling asleep.

Suddenly, just as Sean was about to fall asleep completely, he felt a pair of soft lips come crashing down on his – or attempting to but missing his lips entirely, and instead kissing his cupid’s bow. He was sent into shock at once, while his brain tried desperately to comprehend what the hell had just happened to him. But still, throughout the entire ordeal, he still managed to keep his asleep façade and somehow not blush like a maniac. Perhaps it was the adrenaline.

A few minutes passed by, leading Sean to believe that he was safe until he abruptly felt the same pair of overwhelmingly soft and smooth feeling lips kiss him again, this time correctly aimed at his lips. Sean almost went into cardiac arrest. What the actual fuck was going on, and why he couldn’t he seem to move?

Finally, with more waiting, the pressure on top of him began to fade, meaning that Finn was getting the hell of him at last so he could breathe again. Only once he was entirely off of him and sitting nearby for countless silent minutes, did he let his eyes open. The first thing he saw was yet again, the vibrant sky before he glanced over to look at the boy beside him. And God, did he look beautiful…

In his shock, he’d failed to notice the two small gauges that Finn now had. They looked surprisingly good at him, and only added to his already attractive appearance. He must’ve gotten them done earlier that day or even yesterday after they’d left the mall.

“Hey… when did you get here?” Sean spoke after clearing his throat. His voice had become hoarse from being unused all day. Finn glanced at him, his eyebrows narrowing in confusion. He also looked strangely relieved.

“Oh, about twenty minutes ago. You were sleeping there so peacefully so I just sat down here and let you sleep. I figured you would wake up soon.” He replied, his voice missing the usual emotion that he spoke with. He knew that Finn was lying, but if he had been asleep before he surely would’ve had no clue that he wasn’t telling the complete truth.

Sean sat up, brushing the grass and leaves out of his hair in an attempt to look even the slightest bit civil. He really hoped he didn’t look too crazy. 

“What’s with the earrings? I bet your mom isn’t too pleased with that.” He said, gesturing to Finn’s newly pierced ears. 

In response, he only got a shrug. “She doesn’t like them, but I do. I wanted it done for the longest time but the piercer wouldn’t do it until I turned sixteen.” 

Sean stared for a moment, trying to think of what word to use to compliment him without it sounding too weird. “Looks nice.” He settled for; casual as could be. 

Finn nodded in thanks, perhaps not willing to say anything more. 

“Well, we should probably head over to Eric’s house now.” Sean said while getting up from the grass beneath them, dusting off all of the grass that had collected on his shirt and pants. Looking down, he was surprised to see a wet area on his shirt.

“You drool in your sleep.” Finn quickly told him, before getting up as well. While this was true, Sean knew better than to believe his words. 

—

Upon their arrival to Eric’s house, Sean instantly noticed Finn’s demeanor change almost entirely. He went from silent and seemingly sad to cheerful and talkative. 

Though he was not speaking to Sean, he chatted with Eric and his other friends, while Sean watched awkwardly from afar. 

Although he was slightly offended that he had been ditched, his curiosity about his friend’s strange behavior was the only thing he could really focus on. How the hell was he able to change his mood so fast and why was he even doing so in the first place? 

It was similar to the day prior when Finn had suddenly gone from happy to moody once he and Sean were left alone.

Sean rolled his eyes in annoyance as he watched Finn put a hand on the shoulder of one of the boys, beaming his million-dollar smile at him as he laughed at his joke. His best friend was just so confusing. He never told him anything too personal about himself and never shared any of his troubles, even though he was totally willing to hear them and assist at all costs.

And then there was the most confusing of all. This kiss. What had it meant and why had it happened? Tracing his lips with the tips of his fingers, Sean stared down at the ground. There was no way that Finn liked him, so why had he done it? It had happened twice, so it clearly couldn’t have been an accident on his part. 

Perhaps Sean had just dozed off and dreamed that it had happened. This was the only reasonable explanation for what had occurred, and though he did not particularly like this reasoning, he forced himself to believe it. Because why would Finn ever kiss him?

The next time he looked up, he realized the group that Finn had been talking to had basically disappeared, taking his only friend along with them. He shook his head in disbelief. It had been a dumb decision to attend. 

He rose from his seat and glanced around, searching for somewhere absolutely secluded for him to stay for the remainder of the stupid party’s duration. It took him a while before he finally noticed the wooden structure built into a large tree near the back of the area he was in. The treehouse didn’t look very old or potentially unsafe, so Sean assumed it would be able to support his weight.

Leisurely, he made his way over, admiring the well-cared-for garden and the delightful little butterfly sanctuary that was set up. Unlike the park nearby, the plants and trees here were kept in pristine condition. Sean wished that someone would pay as careful attention to the park as was paid to Eric’s backyard. Maybe one day, he would even take matters into his own hands if he had the resources and funding for such a task.

Once he arrived at the treehouse, he fiddled around with the ladder leading up to it, making sure it was relatively sturdy. He really could not afford to break a bone or anything of the sort. 

Upon deeming it safe, he then proceeded to carefully climb up to the top. Peeking inside, he immediately noticed the abundance of cobwebs and dead leaves, leading him to believe that the treehouse had been uninhabited recently, which made perfect sense Eric was now literally sixteen years old.

He didn’t necessarily enjoy the idea of sharing the enclosed space with spiders, but he wasn’t willing to let his stupid fear affect his decision at this point. After all, there really was nowhere better that he could go. 

Taking one last look at his surroundings, Sean layed down against the wooden floor, of course after thoroughly examining the space for creepy-crawlies of any kind or sort. And within minutes, he was fast asleep.

—

Finn struggled up the creaky ladder leading to the small tree house above him. It was his last resort. Sean had been missing in action throughout the entire party, and even when he was able to slip away unnoticed to search for him, he still wasn’t able to locate him. He had not even answered his cell phone when Finn called.

He felt slightly guilty for having ditched the boy but knew that he would ultimately forgive him. Finn also knew he preferred being alone anyways. It was increasingly difficult to face the other boy after what he had done hours before. It was even harder, knowing that Sean had been awake while he had done the unthinkable, yet still was pretending as if he had been asleep the entire time.

He did know that what he was doing was more beneficial than if he confronted him about it. Finn wouldn’t have been able to fully explain his actions. His friend had simply looked awfully gorgeous under the morning sun, lying there in the middle of an abandoned park while the wind ruffled his shaggy dark hair. He had seemed so serene and peaceful. 

And Finn was in need of affection and curious. He wanted to know the reason for Sean’s habit of always kissing the corner of his lips whenever he thought he was fast asleep.

At first, he had not planned on going any further than Sean’s cupid’s bow, yet had oddly done it once more, except this time placing a kiss directly onto his friend’s lips. Finn had been taken aback when he felt the subtle, yet likely instinctual press of his lips back against his own for a millisecond. It had been barely there and probably unintended, but it had happened nevertheless. 

Finn quickly realized that his friend was not actually sleeping.

He cautiously stepped inside the treehouse. A wave of relief washed over him as he saw him sleeping on the floor, this time for real, as could be assumed from the soft snores escaping him. Finn found himself smiling genuinely for the first time all day. 

Sean was just so silly sometimes. Walking over, he bent down to shake his giant of a friend awake. “Hey, dumbass, it’s time to get up. You’ve been sleeping in a treehouse for the past two hours.”

With much effort, Finn managed to wake him up within a few minutes.

“Where the hell am I?” A groggy Sean questioned, looking up at him with an incredulous expression. He grinned and reached over to pat him on the cheek, forgetting all of his previous worries with just the look of his friend’s stupid-looking face.

“I told you already, you fell asleep in a treehouse. You’re such a weirdo, honestly.” He replied, shaking his head playfully.

“No, you. You’re the weirdo, McNamara. You have been acting weird all day. This is the first time I’ve seen you really smile today. I am a little worried.” He retorted, looking at him with a serious face.

He bit his bottom lip, feeling conflicted. He knew it was perfectly safe if he talked to Sean. He trusted him more than anyone. But it was so hard for him to talk about such personal matters with another person. Finn didn’t want to burden his friend and he really wasn’t ready to talk about it. So he decided to keep his silence for longer.

“Ah, it’s nothing. I’ll talk to you about it in a few weeks or so.” He quickly dismissed the subject, leaving Sean’s questions still unanswered.

He simply sighed. “You know, I missed that smile.”

“Oh.” Was all Finn could say back.


	7. Chapter Six

**_April 2016_ **

Twiddling his thumbs whilst nibbling on his bottom lip, Sean watched as his teacher slowly and unenthusiastically read down the list of partners for their upcoming history project. With every name called that was not his, he felt himself tensing. 

Though he claimed that he didn't particularly care who he was paired up with as long as they were decent, his gaze still did linger upon a certain someone a few desks ahead of his. Said someone had his shoulders slumped and his head down in a usual uninterested manner. Sean’s eyes studied his slightly ruffled brown hair, admiring the way his new gauges made him look quite edgy. 

He simply liked to assume that his friend's hair still smelled of the childish fruity shampoos he had consistently used throughout the years, or even the vanilla-scented one that was used when the grocery store stopped supplying his favorite shampoo for a few months. Sean also liked to imagine that his hair would feel soft and fluffy under his fingertips. He often daydreamed of cascading his hands through his Finn’s obnoxiously healthy-looking hair.

Sean had recently found himself daydreaming quite a bit ever since the confusing occurrence in the park about a month prior. Finn hadn't so much as even laid a single hand on him, and seemed very distant. Having been so overloaded on homework and stressed out due to exams, the two had scarcely even spoken throughout the past weeks. 

If by some miracle that he and Finn were chosen to be partners for the project, he knew that he would finally get the opportunity to spend time with Finn.

Sequential taps of his pencil against the cheap scribbled-on wood of Sean’s desk were followed by the clearing of his cumbersome teacher's voice. His head shot up in an instant as he waited for the second-to-last announcement of partners. If either Sean or Finn’s name were called separately, there would be no chance of Sean being able to talk to him. 

Letting his pencil fall to his desk, he crossed his fingers as a last ditch resort. He watched with hopeful eyes as the teacher finally spoke.

"Next partners... Diaz and McNamara." Sean nearly thrust his fist into the air in victory. Lame as it was, he was incredibly relieved that he would finally be getting some alone time with Finn.

Sean, regardless of his initial excitement, still managed to keep quiet and stare ahead blankly. He noticed Finn gradually starting to lift his head, before dark brown eyes were suddenly piercing into his own. He stared back, blinking rapidly before the other boy slowly turned back to face the front. He hadn't expected him to react to the announcement and definitely hadn't thought he would turn around and look him in the eyes with such a strange expression out of the blue.

Sean sighed softly in exasperation and rested his head against the cold surface of his desk. He wondered if Finn was also happy they'd been chosen as partners. Perhaps he was actually annoyed and wishing that he had gotten someone like Lyla instead of boring old Sean.

After all, he had been hanging around her a lot more since the movie theater mishap. He feared that his mother's predictions were now coming true and he was slowly getting replaced. 

Finn seemed to be growing tired of having him around and made this crystal clear by acting quiet and not talkative when in his presence, whereas he portrayed a happy and carefree exterior when in the company of anyone other than him. 

It really was quite disheartening to see their friendship slowly crumble and deteriorate into pieces of its former glory. With things the way they were, being selected as Finn’s partner was something like a godsend for him.

He had one too many things on his mind and not enough energy to think, and eventually found himself starting to doze off. Practically falling asleep for the remainder of the class, he missed just about every single detail of the project requirements. His partner was no more awake than he was, but Sean was much too tired to care.

He struggled to stay awake throughout the following twenty minutes, slipping in and out of awareness in a never-ending cycle, and was only awoken at last by an annoying tickle of his ear. Thinking at first that a bug had decided to irritate him, he sleepily swatted away at the area nearby his ear, jumping in slight surprise when his palm found purchase with the warm and soft flesh of a hand. Lifting his face slowly, he quickly wiped away the drool that had gathered at the corner of his lips. 

Blinking in futile attempt to clear up the foggy state of his brain, he realized that Finn was standing by his desk and that his hand had been the one he had accidentally slapped away. _Nice going, idiot._

"Oh hey." He said after a moment, his voice a bit scratchy. Finn raised his eyebrows and gestured to the small pool of saliva on his desk. With a sly smile, he then turned away and walked out of the classroom without saying another word. 

Sean rolled his eyes and quickly wiped off the remainder of the liquid before gathering his things and heading to the door.

Finn was leaning against the wall when Sean made his way out into the hallway. As the slightly shorter boy clearly was not paying any attention, Sean decided to be an asshole and slammed one of his hands against the wall right beside Finn, effectively making him flinch away out of surprise. 

He teasingly chuckled at him and began walking. “Let's go to your house for this dumbass project. My grandparents are staying over at mine for the weekend and my grandma is annoying as shit." Sean said casually while starting to walk towards the front of the school. 

He noticed Finn immediately began to protest, but he quickly shut his mouth, not having an argument good enough to convince him to change his mind. It was definitely difficult to see him not even trying to fight back and staying mute once more, and he was starting to seriously yearn for the times when the other boy had been talkative and animated.

"It's been a while since you and I have talked, huh?" He asked this, unknowing that the hurt undertones and implications that his words made were so obvious to Finn that it physically pained him to hear them. Sean watched his shoulders slump and his gaze fall to the ground.

"I guess. I've been busy." He mumbled, as unenthusiastic as ever. Sean couldn't help but shake his head. His behavior was crossing the borderline of infuriating with every interaction they exchanged.

"Well, I'm glad I have you as my partner instead of someone dumb." All he got was a hum of agreement. Frustrating as hell. Sean just continued biting his tongue and holding back the words he had no right to say. If Finn didn't want to talk to him, then that was his problem.

"Do you mind if I eat dinner at your house too? My stupid grandma thinks her horrible cooking is fine cuisine and my mother's a sucker."

Sean must've been feeling brave or something to ask such a daring question, especially when the other boy’s expression was so incredibly foul. Despite Finn’s hesitation at first, he still gave him a nod of approval. Because really, he had no real legitimate reason to deny his wishes, and he certainly owed it to him after everything that had happened, at least in Sean’s opinion.

He smiled a bit to himself and walked a little slower so he could trail behind his friend and examine his hair up close. There was really nothing better to do anyway. It seemed as if Finn had developed a serious aversion to small talk and only spoke when necessary. He could ask him the reason behind his sour mood, but it would be then running the risk of invading his personal business. And nothing was ever really personal when it came to Finn.

But that didn't mean he couldn't be an irritating little shit.

Suddenly reaching out, Sean tugged harshly on a piece of Finn’s hair, making the poor boy yelp loudly in pain. He laughed and playfully hit his shoulder.

"That was quite the manly little war cry, Finn. I'm sure it wasn't that bad." 

He turned to glare and promptly punched him in the chest with little force, muttering about how he was an asshole or something along those lines.

Sean let out another sigh and glanced over at his friend who was now walking beside him. He had almost forgotten how breathtaking he was to look at since they had grown distant.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" He suddenly asked, making Sean nearly have a heart attack.

"W-what? I was just... nothing." He replied, his cheeks immediately heating up in embarrassment.

Finn just stared at him with his eyebrows raised before turning away once more. They continued their walk in silence. By this point, they had exited the school and were making their way onto the sidewalk that would eventually lead to the street where his house was.

"So, Lyla and you. Are you guys dating or something? I know you've always liked her but you've been hanging around her quite a lot."

"What?"

"Are you guys dating or what? You're always blushing around her. She's pretty." Sean continued, a slightly salty edge to his voice that Finn detected without difficulty.

"Why the fuck would we be dating??" Finn questioned in a strangely defensive tone.

"I don't know. I just thought you might be after you ditched me for her in the movie theater last month."

Finn instantly came to an abrupt stop on the sidewalk and turned towards Sean, a heated expression on his face. It was rare to see him so angry.

“I did not fucking ditch you. You were the goddamn one who was late. What else was I supposed to do? Wait there all alone like an idiot? Are you jealous or something? Can I not have other friends besides you who I hang out with??"

"The fuck are you talking about? I never even said anything pertaining to that. You're just assuming things now. But honestly, can you blame me for being a little pissed right now?"

_Shit. It slipped out._

Finn gave him a nasty look and shook his head in disbelief. "You have no right to be pissed off just because I've been a little busy with school and hanging out with other people. You would understand if you had other friends besides me."

_Wow. That's a bit hurtful._

Sean scoffed and crossed his arms. "That's a real asshole thing to say, Finn. This isn't just about you having other friends besides me. This is about you acting differently around those friends compared to the way you act around me. You've been awfully moody and quiet around me lately and it makes me wonder if something is going on that you're not telling me about."

_There was no turning back now._

Finn stared at him with an incredulous look, obviously trying to hold himself back from hitting him or something. 

"Well, what if there is?! You wouldn't give a damn! It's my problem, not yours!" Finn had nothing to say back to him in reply, so he didn't. There was no point in talking to him if he was going to act so immature. Sean really was not fond of being yelled at or arguing in general.

He stared at him for a while before groaning in frustration and turning back around, fast walking ahead so he wouldn't have to talk to Sean anymore. It was starting to become apparent that Finn had actually been staying mute to avoid a situation like this. He was teetering over the edge of an outburst with every comment said that was even a tad bit personal. He couldn't blame him for being so aggressive, as he knew that it wasn't in Finn’s nature to act this way. Whatever was bothering him had to be taking an extreme toll on him. And though he was clueless about it, he still felt bad for him. And he couldn't help but be worried.

When the two finally reached the front porch of the house, Finn immediately bent down and lifted up the welcome mat, snatching up the rusted house key underneath. Quickly, he unlocked the door and the two stepped inside. Sean instantly recognized the familiar cinnamon smell from the aroma Finn’s clothes often had. He had only been to his house a few times but never forgot the wonderful homey smell that it had.

Looking around, he noticed that the furniture was different from what he remembered. It seemed less comfy and more expensive and unfitting of the general aura of the house. His house seemed to have gone through several renovations since the last time he had visited, which was a bit odd to Sean. 

He knew that Finn’s parents had never struggled financially but he never knew they were the type to spend so much money on what he considered to be minuscule things.

Finn was still giving him the silent treatment as he led him down a small hallway and to the bedroom door that he vaguely recalled. Once inside his room, he threw down his backpack onto the cluttered floor and swiftly removed his jacket, revealing the unbuttoned collar of his school uniform shirt. How scandalous. 

Sean glanced away and took a look around the room, not noticing any drastic differences from the last time he was there, besides posters of certain bands and movies that Finn had only just recently taken an interest in.

Eventually, Sean’s eyes fell upon the medium-sized bed placed against the wall beside a window. He knew Finn loved having his bed beside a window, so it didn't feel so claustrophobic. He had revealed this to him once at a sleepover while he was explaining why he should relocate his bed. And thinking that his friend was ingenious, he did just that. The sheets of the bed were a soft baby blue with white stripes, which Sean had thought was a perfect choice in color, since it was so calming and easy on the eyes. The curtains for the window nearby his bed were white lace, which Finn claimed had been there since he was a baby.

Setting his bag down, he went to sit on Finn’s bed. Though it was tense between them, there was really no need for formalities.

"So, this project is due Monday, right?" He questioned, to which he received only a nod. As expected.

"Okay, well I really didn't listen to the project instructions and I'm assuming that you didn't either." He continued, unzipping his bag to pull out his binder for the class. Finn didn't respond and went to go sit at his desk, promptly putting his head down. He was utterly unmotivated to work and not of any help to Sean whatsoever. 

He could definitely be a little negligent when it came to school, so his behavior was not too surprising to Sean.

Skimming through all of the papers and notes he had received and taken throughout the year, he found nothing of particular use. Slowly he began pulling out the mess of papers one by one, trying to locate something helpful. Of course, it was to no avail and he found nothing but bullshit. With an eye roll, he stuffed all the papers back inside the binder with no particular order or organization. It was almost the end of the school year anyway, why should he care? 

Once the binder was back inside his bag and that was zipped up, he tossed it back onto the carpeted floor below and picked up Finn’s backpack. It was nothing special, just plain black and moderately light. Not caring if he would be offended by the invasion of his stupid backpack, Sean opened it up and searched throughout.

Astonishing enough, it was kept in good condition and wasn't nearly as messy as Sean had predicted it to be. He found mostly crumpled up papers and pencil shavings inside, along with the basic textbooks and binders most students kept inside their bags. Pulling these out, he double-checked the bottom of the bag for any stray papers could that be worth anything to him. 

He soon turned his attention towards the folders and binders. He searched through them for what felt like an hour, trying to make sense of what turned out to be an unorganized jumble of papers and forms, until he finally discovered the paper he had been looking for with wishful thinking. The instructions for the project that their teacher had given out weeks prior. The one that Sean lost.

"Thank god... We would've been screwed without this paper. Thank you for keeping it safe, Finn. You saved our asses." He exclaimed with relief in his voice.

Unexpectedly, the other boy sat up and glanced up at him. He didn't say anything but nodded at him, acknowledging his gratefulness. He supposed it progressed after earlier had taken a turn for the worse.

But it was still going to be a long night.

—

Hours later, Sean had researched and written an entire essay on the history of Washington State, with absolutely no help from Finn. Maybe it would have been better if he had been chosen to work with someone else. Throwing a textbook across the floor in frustration, he stood up and paced around the room. Finn was asleep and unaware of how unhelpful he was really being. 

Though Sean could always just wake him up and insist that he help him with the project, he simply didn't have the heart to disturb him. He always looked so cute when he slept... like a little baby puppy. Especially with those little whimpers that escaped his lips countless times.

Embarrassed from his small tantrum, he picked the history book up from the floor and put it on the desk that Finn slept on. It was already dark out and he hadn't even had a snack, even despite Finn’s promise that he could have dinner at his house. He had originally figured that his parents would at least check up on him at least once and to let him know when dinner would be ready, but no such thing happened while he continued waiting. 

At this point, he was so hungry that he simply could not feel anxious about leaving the room in search of some food or a drink. Though he had to admit that Finn’s mom and dad could be a little scary and strict sometimes, he was sure that they were incomparable to his own evil monster of a father who made him work every Saturday night and his even more terrible grandmother, Claire. 

Patting Finn’s hair out of pure spite, he then opened the door that led back into the hallway. It was almost creepy how dark that hallway was at night, but Sean told himself to be a man and get over it. It wasn't even a particularly long hallway, so there was nothing to be scared of.

Once he reached the end of it, he peeked inside the living room, only to see that the television remained off and the couch was as deserted as ever. It looked almost as if no one was home besides him and Finn.

Just as he was feeling brave enough to walk out and make his way into the kitchen, thinking that he would be alone, there was a loud crash that sounded quite like a glass breaking. It was then followed by the unforgettably audible sound of a slap before the loud yelling of a man and a woman erupted, going back and forth between the two and climbing in volume with every vicious word spoken. 

Sean could barely understand them as he was too busy quivering in fear, but he picked up what he thought was the woman describing the man as a cheating bastard who was worthless in every single way. That couldn't be good. He stayed there watching for a bit before coming to the realization that the two people talking were Finn’s parents. 

They were his parents. And they were fighting. And they were hitting each other and breaking things. And they were Finn’s fucking parents. Things were finally starting to make sense now. If this had been going on for a while and to such a serious degree, it really was no surprise why Finn was acting so weird. 

Before Sean could manage to hear anything else, a hand was suddenly clamped around his mouth and he was tugged down into the hallway and dragged back into his room. The hand covering his mouth kept him from yelping in surprise as he was pushed onto Finn’s bed and finally released. The door was closed once more.

Finn stared down at Sean with tears welling in his eyes. He did not speak but stared with pleading eyes that he could read so well. It was almost as if Finn had removed a mask of sorts, and he was no longer so challenging to read. In seconds, he broke down into sobs, stumbling forward. Sean instinctively moved to grab him before he could fall.

These sobs were not anything like Sean had ever heard, not even comparable to the whining cries of his brother when he’d been a baby. These cries instilled a gut-wrenching feeling of dread inside him and made him want to do anything to make them stop. Finn was shaking violently as he cried, and his breaths came out in stuttering gasps. He was slowly but surely releasing all of the pent-up frustration he had kept locked inside of him, and this was the only way he could.

All he could do was hold his friend steady and let Finn cling to him, as he had temporarily lost the strength to even hold himself up on his own. He even felt himself start to tear up, overwhelmed by the severity of the situation.

But he had to be that stone wall that Finn always was. All he could be was his unbreakable support because the wall that he had previously built himself up had crumbled down in an instant.

Perhaps Finn wasn't as stable as he always made himself out to be…


	8. Chapter Seven

**_July 2016_ **

Sitting against the cold metal of a gate with eyes downcast to the ground, Finn watched as a small ant scurried across the concrete ground, it’s minuscule yet strong legs carrying the tiny creature to the grass nearby. It was an irrelevant thing to most but forever fascinated him. How could a creature so little manage to live with such fortitude? The ant was but a mere speck compared to him, yet he still could not be as half as strong. 

He found great difficulty in even the minute things in life – found it hard to get up in the morning sometimes just because he was so tired of pretending. Though it had become easier to deal with, he still found himself longing for the day when he would finally let the walls surrounding him come down for a short while. It had been incredibly refreshing to depend on a person other than himself, but overwhelmingly vulnerable to do so at the same time.

After he had come clean to Sean, he had begun to feel an even deeper connection to the boy than he’d already had. No longer did he feel compelled to remain mute and distant around his friend. He quickly resumed the lively and high-spirited attitude that he usually exhibited with him, which somehow felt less faked than it previously was. 

There was a degree of comfortability that he only experienced with Sean, and a willingness to come clean about all of his secrets that irked him quite a great deal. Though he had opened up to him slightly, he had no further intention on revealing anything more. Despite this, he felt oddly compelled to tell Sean the complete truth. That would only happen once Sean did first. Finn knew his friend had his own fair share of secrets.

Finn leaned back, a sigh escaping from his lips. It was awfully hot outside and his friends were running thirty minutes late. Though he could easily go back into his house and into the delightful air conditioning, he had a feeling his friends wouldn’t be so courteous as to actually knock on the door and notify him of their arrival. 

He often felt extremely grateful to have Sean as a friend at times, especially when compared to the deadbeats he now spent most of his time with. He really had no idea why he forced himself to be with them, as he really gained absolutely nothing from them. There was no enjoyment to be gained when hanging around such disingenuous people. He figured he only liked to punish himself that way for being just as fake as they were.

Feeling his legs starting to go numb, Finn decided to stand up. He hastily brushed the dirt from his jeans and checked the old watch on his left hand, noting that he had been waiting outside for about twenty minutes now. He momentarily considered retreating back indoors and spending the night locked inside the room. Small town family-friendly festivals weren’t exactly his forte, and especially so in the summertime when it was always hellishly hot outside.

Kicking around a rock with the toe of his Vans out of pure boredom, Finn was entirely oblivious to the approaching car coming his way. It was a bright red convertible and possibly one of the most basic asshole cars that he'd ever seen. He’d always felt ashamed when traveling around in such a gaudy vehicle, but it was better than walking everywhere. 

Only once the car had come to a complete stop in front of his driveway did he actually notice its appearance, just before the obnoxiously loud horn was honked. Was that seriously necessary?

In an instant, Finn went from staring blankly down at the ground to smirking his notorious grin, a cocky glint in his eyes. 

“Took you long enough!” He exclaimed, immediately walking over to lean against the pristinely shined door of the prized car. No one was sitting in the passenger seat, as it was permanently reserved for him. He soon directed his gaze to Lyla, who was seated in the back seat, and subtly winked. As usual, the girl never failed to blush and evade his gaze.  _ Annoying _ . Eric, who sat beside Lyla, gave Finn a simple wave. On the other side of her was Ellery, who then greeted him rather nonchalantly.  _ Assholes _ .

Finn quickly opened the car door and slipped inside, shutting it behind him promptly. He sat there for a moment before the person sitting next to him cleared his throat. Instantly, Finn’s cheeks began to heat up before he looked at him. The young man in the driver’s seat was none other than Penny, the very owner of the same automobile they all sat in. Tall and handsome, with gorgeous brown skin and flawless features, he was something of an enigma to Finn; and perhaps the only reason why he ever willed himself to hang out with the assholes he called friends.

“Are you ignoring me or something? Where’s my hello?” Penny questioned with a sly smile that made Finn weak in the knees.

“How could I ever ignore you, sweetheart?” Finn replied in his infamously charming tone. There was never a time when he spoke to Penny normally, as there was always a flirtatious element in his words. He always knew the right things to say, which was certainly a powerful advantage when he was toying with people he found particularly attractive. 

It had actually been Penny precisely who had led Finn to discover that he had an unusually strong affinity for people of the same gender as he. Having grown up with countless crushes on various pretty girls, he was more than a little confused when he discerned that what he felt towards Penny was not brotherly admiration, but along the borders of desire. Desire devoid of emotional attachment.

Penny reached over and tousled Finn’s hair, hand lingering a bit longer than it should have. He smiled to himself and pushed his hand away playfully. 

“Start the car already, I’ve been waiting here long enough.” He then laid back in his seat, not bothering to put his seatbelt on. As the car was started, he shut his eyes. Once it was moving once more, Finn began to feel the cool wind against his face. There was nothing better than that very feeling on a hot and sunny day.

It was only a few seconds before Finn felt a hand come to rest atop his thigh. He resisted the urge to chuckle. Penny was so bold sometimes. He constantly questioned how his other friends managed to believe that he was secretly dating Lyla when Penny was so, so painfully obvious. 

The little winks and flirty comments Finn gave her were the only effort that he put into keeping his true sexual identity a secret from everyone else. Other than that, he was far more flirtatious with Penny in general. Everyone in his small, redneck town was just so damn oblivious to everything, which made it even easier to for him to put on an act.

Casual chattering from the back seat was all Finn needed to hear to know that his fellow passengers weren’t paying any regard to him and Penny. He abruptly opened his eyes to glance over at him, seeing the usual poker face he bore when driving. His gaze traveled down to his hand and he couldn’t help but blush. Not wanting to potentially draw attention to it, he looked away. But gradually Penny’s hand moved more and more inwards. The breeze soon became ineffective in easing the summer heat. Damned desire. 

Finn instantly found himself scooting closer to Penny. He wanted to be even closer to him – closer than simple teasing. It was an urge that had never been quite so robust. It was almost sad to think that he had gotten worked up over a mere hand, but he figured being sixteen and horny was getting the best of him.

His affliction was at last put to an end when they arrived at the rather packed parking lot. The festival was being held at their conveniently local beach connected to the dense forest that wrapped around half of the town, and in which the abandoned old park was partially located in. 

He wondered if Sean would be spending his evening watching the fireworks and drawing from the dilapidated playground in that park that he’d always cherished so much. He felt a pang of melancholy when he thought of how lonely Sean possibly was, and sincerely hoped that the boy was actually somewhere on the beach, celebrating with his family for once. It was unlikely though, as Sean’s mother hated events such as festivals. 

He really could not stand the guilt that he always felt when he thought of Sean in the presence of his other friends. He knew that the other boy had no one else besides him, so why was he constantly avoiding him? Simple. It was the genuine emotions he felt with him. 

Finn swiftly got out of the car and made his way to the back seat, helping Lyla out once Ellery had gotten out as well. He heard the snickers from Eric and felt Penny’s possessive stare as he did so but proceeded regardless. After all, it was fun to play around a bit.

Letting go of Lyla’s hand, he shut the door of the convertible for her. “So, are we just going to stand here and stare at each other in silence until the fireworks start or are we actually going to get a spot on the beach?” He questioned, putting his hands on his hips and raising his eyebrows.

“Oh yeah…” Eric replied sheepishly, going to the trunk and pulling out the cooler that he had brought for them. Finn was almost entirely certain there was some form of an alcoholic beverage inside of it, and maybe some weed if they’d decided they wanted to be extra trashed. 

Penny, being two years older than all of them, had his methods of accessing it. It wasn’t like Finn would pass on an opportunity to get wasted, but on a night like this one, he needed to stay sober as possible. Not only was it stupid to become intoxicated around so many groups of families, but he needed to have a clear conscience as he went through with his plan.

Finn rolled his eyes as Ellery and Eric began to whisper to each other about him and Lyla, stealing obvious glances at the two every so often. Just to get them riled up, he walked closer to the girl and placed an arm around her casually.

“You look quite pretty tonight, darling.” He stated, looking at her with likely the fakest smile that he’d ever mustered up. She turned bright red in response and covered her face with her hands. 

“Finn… why do you have to say such embarrassing things to me! You make people think we’re dating!” She exclaimed in such an annoyingly whiny voice that it made Finn’s ears ache.

“Well, I don’t see why you’re complaining about it. You love it when I praise you.”

Having said this, promptly followed with a chuckle, he then removed his arm from her shoulders and began to speed up his pace, eyes zeroing in on Penny’s tall figure up ahead of the rest of them. Biting his lip slightly, he hurried over, having to essentially jog there to reach him in time. He walked just a bit further to pass by Penny, but just barely so. 

As he walked, he felt extreme satisfaction upon turning around and seeing that Penny’s gaze had been directed to his backside. Those eyes soon flickered up to meet his, and Finn recognized the hungry look in them. Tonight would mark the end of the harmless teasing he had endured yet provoked from Penny for months, he decided. It seemed that he would be having his third ever kiss at least by the sunrise. And it surely wouldn’t be from Lyla again.

Smirking once more, Finn turned back around and headed for an unoccupied spot on the crowded sand of the beach. His friends followed in tow, and once they reached the area that he had chosen, Eric promptly set down the cooler that they’d brought while Lyla laid out the towels that they would be sitting on.

It was already primarily dark, and if it weren’t for the small lanterns that many people had, the beach would’ve been pitch black; as the moon had not yet made an appearance in the nighttime sky. He gazed solemnly around for a moment, seeing mostly families and young children running about and playing rambunctiously with one another under the dim light. Smiling a bit in remembrance of the days when he had been in the shoes of those very kids – carefree and bright - he sat down on one of the towels that had been set out. 

Lost in absentminded thought, he picked up a handful of sand, cringing at the rough texture against the sensitive skin of his hand. He was not very fond of the beach and hadn’t been since he was young.

“We should play truth or dare.” Ellery announced once the group was settled. Finn brushed off the sand from his hands and his jeans, hoping that the others would be opposed to the stupid idea.

“No! That game us for little kids, dumbass. Besides, we’re surrounded by people and that game is supposed to be played in private.” Eric instantly retorted with a scowl as he sent the other boy a glare of indignation. This was followed by Ellery’s annoyed grumbles to himself about how no one ever agreed to his suggestions.

Finn looked up from his hands and at Lyla, who was sitting next to Penny. “Why are you sitting so far away from me?” He asked with a small pout of his lips. 

In reality, he would do absolutely anything to sit as far away from her as possible, but he had to maintain his reputation as a flirtatious ladies man. There would be no slip-ups and no errors on this night, even though he would be taking more risks than ever before. She grinned shyly at him, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I don’t understand why you two aren’t dating yet…” Eric murmured in response to this. Everything was going perfectly and Finn was sure there would be absolutely no suspicion when Penny and he vanished from the group.

“Finn thoroughly enjoys his eligible bachelor status.” Penny replied to this, locking eyes with him. “I seriously doubt that he likes the idea of being so committed to just one girl. Isn’t that right, Finn?”

“So, you’re basically saying that McNamara is a player?” Ellery chimed in, receiving only a nod of affirmation. Finn just kept listening even though he felt like punching them.

“Don’t say such mean things about me! I’m not that heartless!” He defended, with mock hurt clear in his voice. There were several scoffs from his friends before words turned to exchanged mutters about him, likely more hurtful than the previous had been. Ellery and Eric just loved to gossip.

It wasn’t long before the dreaded cooler was opened up and cans were passed around. As it turned out, Penny hadn’t brought along any weed out of fear a nearby person would smell it and flip out. Finn only accepted his can of beer so he wouldn’t get shit for it, though he wouldn’t be drinking any of it tonight. 

He opened the can carefully and immediately mimicked taking a sip from it. Once the others were adequately distracted by their own drinking, he dumped the foul-smelling liquid onto the sand and then covered the wet spot with part of his towel. He didn’t feel bad wasting it when it was such a cheap and trashy brand. No one would notice anyways. 

He continued pretending to drink from the empty can, laughing at the occasional bad joke courtesy of Ellery. Everyone but Penny and clearly Finn was tipsy by the time the surrounding people started to turn off the lanterns that they had brought, eliminating the only visible light source from the beach. This signified that the fireworks would be starting in mere minutes. Finn wasted no time at all, sending Penny an urgent look and a nod in the direction of the nearby forest. He had purposely picked a spot close to the area.

The other boy only nodded and set down his second beer can in preparation. The other three of their group were too busy conversing to see this. By that point, almost all of the lanterns were already turned off and everyone’s attention would soon be on the fireworks. That was when Finn and Penny would finally get the opportunity to slip away. 

Moments passed by painfully slowly, but once the enthusiastic talking died down, Finn was already scrambling up onto his feet. As he started his walk to the forest area, the first firework exploded into the night sky, a mere flash of light in Finn’s peripheral view, as he was turned the opposite way. He had successfully gotten up at the right moment.

Without fear of being discovered, Finn took his sweet time walking in the direction of the trees, allotting Penny some extra time to locate him through the darkness. The only light that they were given was from the booming fireworks above. Penny soon caught up to him and grabbed him by the hand, pulling him towards their rendezvous spot. Anticipation was starting to gnaw at Finn’s usual docile heart. 

Worries were starting to creep into his mind as he realized just how much of himself that he was offering over to Penny. One rumor could destroy the entire reputation he worked to build, and the only thing he had to defend himself was the equivalent ability to destroy Penny’s reputation as well. If Penny was scared enough about his true nature being revealed, then surely he would be smart and keep their encounter a secret.

He could not dwell for long on the possibilities and risks of the situation, as his back soon hit the firm trunk of one of the trees. With the flash of another firework, he was able to see how close Penny was to him. He could feel it too; felt the breath against his face and the hands trapping him against the tree. He clearly saw how his pupils dilated with the sudden light and then focused in on him. He looked at him almost like how Sean looked at him, but not exactly... whatever that meant. 

Darkness once again surrounded them, and with it came a surge of courage that led Finn to ultimately move forward and capture Penny’s lips. His whole body felt like it was on fire and his mind was too foggy for any comprehension whatsoever. 

Finn was being utterly overwhelmed, especially so when he concluded that this kiss felt a million times better than the first one he had shared with Lyla some time ago. Although exciting at best, this kiss also felt incredibly empty. At first, he had expected to feel the euphoria-inducing sensation that he had experienced with even the small peck he had given Sean but felt no such thing even as the kiss intensified. 

Though it was thrilling in every sense of the word, it lacked the very thing Finn had originally sought out. He was certain the kiss would’ve been just as bland as his first if it weren’t for Penny’s superior kissing skills and the slight attraction that he felt for him.

The kiss evolved quickly into a deep and open-mouthed lip-lock, which elicited an accidental yet thankfully muffled noise from Finn as he lost more and more of his usually solid composure. Penny’s hands were all over; going from Finn’s hair to his waist and then to his hips, while he clung to the slightly taller for dear life. He hopelessly found himself enjoying every bit of it until he started to feel Finn’s lower-half start to press against his own.

He panicked in an instant and shoved him away, gasping for air. “No… not that… I don’t want that.” He struggled to whisper, his chest nearly heaving up and down. “Please… I don’t think I am ready for this kind of thing. All I wanted was a kiss…” He added, gradually starting to catch his breath.

Penny was speechless, unknowing of how to react to Finn’s sudden outburst. He was probably confused to see Finn acting so unlike himself. He looked him up and down one last time with a disappointed expression, but still maintained the decency to accept Finn’s wishes and started to walk back to their group.

Finn slipped down against the tree and held his head in his hands, willing himself to calm down. He had been holding himself together quite effectively since he had broken down in front of Sean, and he couldn’t allow it to happen again. The feverish feeling that had been overpowering his senses soon began to fade and his breathing eventually evened out from the desperate gasps of air that he’d been having. 

When he felt stable enough to do so, he stood up from the tree he sat against and looked up at the last of the fireworks. Obnoxious as the sounds were to his pounding head, the display of multiple colors lighting up the blackness of the beach was truly breathtaking to watch.

Wiping the sweat from his forehead, he glanced away and started to scan his surroundings, trying to locate the exit. There was no way on earth that he would be returning to his friends after he had gotten so worked up. It would be way too easy for them to see straight through him and challenging to even face Penny again. There were a million different excuses that he could use to explain his disappearance, but none for his distressed behavior.

He made his way to the parking lot cautiously, managing to avoid tripping or bumping into anything due to the lack of visibility. As he reached the parking lot, he felt awfully grateful for the tall streetlamp illuminating the area. It would’ve been impossible for him to find his way past all of the cars.

With a soft sigh, he ran his hands through his hair while leaning against a random rusted old pickup truck. He was not too thrilled that he’d have to walk a mile home in the humid and unbearably hot air. Closing his eyes for a moment, he made one last futile attempt to clear his scattered mind. In this moment of silence, he got the brilliant idea to stop by the nearby park to check if Sean was there. No words could describe just how pleasant the thought of seeing the boy was for him.

—

Sean sat alone atop the deteriorating playground, watching the colorful fireworks light up the empty sky before him as he drew out the scenery in his sketchbook in his lap. He had to admit that this year’s show had been even more gorgeous than the last summer. Though he was still completely alone, he still could not help but smile. There was nothing that he loved more than fireworks.

Although it was admittedly hot outside, Sean still enjoyed the occasional breeze that blew his way. It really didn’t matter how the weather was to him, as long as he was outside he was content. He had spent most of his summer – when he was not working of course – by himself, either lounging around on the normally deserted beach and drawing or reading a classic novel in the lovely grass of the park and sometimes his backyard. It was the only thing he could do to occupy and distract himself from the person he was missing so terribly. 

When the sun went down, and the moon came out, Sean then retired to his bedroom. In these quiet hours before he slept, he allowed himself to dwell on his best friend for once.

Sean gazed up at the last of the grand finale with wandering eyes, as he searched the night sky. The moon was nowhere to be seen for one of the first times in a while, and he wondered briefly where it had disappeared off to. He was certain that it would return at some point during the night. 

Perhaps the fireworks were simply overshadowing it. Sean didn’t mind this absence whatsoever. He had never liked the coldness of the moon in the first place.

Finally, once the festival had come to an end, he began his descent back onto the ground below. There were not many lights in the park, but there was no way that he couldn’t have noticed the lone figure standing in the distance. At first, he had been frightened, assuming it was a murderer or possibly a ghost, but instantly calmed down when he realized just how familiar the person actually looked. 

There was no doubt in his mind that it was Finn, however, he refused to let himself get excited as he slowly approached. He cleared his throat as he neared, eyes adjusting to the dim light until he was able to confirm that the person was indeed Finn. His steps faltered and he came to stand in front of the other boy, having no idea what to say or do. It had been nearly a month since the two had seen each other.

Seconds drawled on by and the silence became more and more painful. Sean prepared himself for almost everything, but what he had not certainly expected was a small smile from Finn before he was suddenly embraced. “I missed you, cutie…”


	9. Chapter Eight

**_July 2016_ **

God, I hate children.” Finn muttered while laying his head against the surface of a register counter, as Sean stood on the other side of it and vigorously wiped it down. Both boys were beyond exhausted from working all day; Sean as a car mechanic training for his dad’s garage — although he mostly handled the register and incoming customers — and Finn as an all-boys summer camp counselor. 

Though the two were technically still rather young to be working, they put in the maximum number of hours — at least within the legal limit, although Sean’s father would occasionally make his son close up and clean the shop even after he had met the requirement. Tonight was one of those unfortunate – and illegal – nights.

Sean did not complain since he was grateful for the experience, however, Finn did nothing but complain about his shitty underpaying summer job. Not only did he hate sports of all kinds, but he also thoroughly despised all twelve-year-old boys, both of which being recurrent encounters when he attended work. The only thing he had to be thankful for was that it was only a day-camp, primarily held in the gymnasium of a nearby middle school. Well that was, until it wasn’t.

“I can’t fucking believe they’re seriously having a stupid camping trip! They literally could’ve gone anywhere else, and they had to choose the most basic and annoying of all!” Finn whined as he furiously ripped open a peppermint from the plastic surrounding it — which he’d snatched earlier from the complimentary bowl on the counter. 

“Hey! Watch what you’re doing, I just cleaned that damn thing! And anyway, what kind of psychopath are you to actually like those things?” Finn frowned and brushed away the mess of plastic he had made. Sean shook his head in response and placed his washcloth in the specifically labeled bin for dirty washcloths, usually filled with previously white cloths stained with oil or gasoline.

“Come on, McNamara. I want to grab some dinner before the ramen shop closes.” He announced moments later as he had begun taking his black jumpsuit off. Finn nodded and gathered his things, getting to his feet to look about the old yet well-kept establishment. He knew Sean’s parents — especially Mr. Diaz — took the utmost pride in it. 

Finn was considerably startled when Sean suddenly approached him, putting an arm around his shoulders, and even flinched away at the action. Sean in turn, chuckled at his humorous reaction and removed his arm.

“You are quite jumpy these days.” He commented, leading him towards the exit. Finn really had no explanation for it, but he secretly wished that Sean’s arm was still wrapped around his shoulders and that he remained holding him close.

When the two stepped outside into the comfortably warm evening air, Finn immediately noticed that there was no one nearby. He never really realized just how few people left their homes late at night in their town. He had learned long ago on a few occasions – mostly when he’d been sneaking out of the house – just how silent and desolate the streets became after dark. Along with the daunting quiet, came the extremely unsettling atmosphere, which was one of the very reasons that Finn inched closer and closer to Sean as they walked.

“It’s very calming out here, don’t you think?” Sean said, turning to glance at Finn, who was looking uneasy. 

He scoffed. “Hell no. This place at night is creepy.”

He then quickly peeked behind them as he said this, checking to see if anyone or anything was following them. Thankfully seeing no threats in relative sight, he hurried closer to Sean accidentally bumping into him. He blushed and backed away slightly, wrapping his own arms around himself out of embarrassment. Sean chuckled a bit, his eyes twinkling with amusement. He would’ve never thought his friend to be such a scaredy-cat. Finn seemed almost too prideful at times, so the sudden appearance of weakness surprised Sean.

Their brief walk ended once they approached the only lit-up restaurant on the block. It was a simple taco shack that admittedly wasn’t the best in town, but still the only one that stayed open past ten o’clock. Sean had come so frequently during the summer that the owners had come to know him well. So well, in fact, that they had wanted him to meet their teenage daughter for a date. Though he obviously had very, very little interest in doing so, he felt obligated to the sweet couple. He just had to hope that they were mostly joking about setting up their daughter and him. He couldn’t stand to disappoint them.

Sean peered inside the shop to ensure that they were still operating, before opening the door for a shivering Finn to step inside. With the jingle of the bell sounded by his entrance, the two owners immediately looked up from behind the counter and towards Sean, smiles instantly appearing.

“ _ Buenas noches, mi guapo muchacho! _ I see you have brought your  _ gringo _ friend along tonight!” The woman greeted as she grabbed them two menus and led them to a clean table. Sean sat down and nodded with a smile, thanking her for the menus. He really didn’t need one, but the gesture was kind nevertheless. The older woman patted Sean’s shoulder before soon leaving to get them glasses of water.

“Isn’t that the lady that desperately wants you to become her son-in-law?” Finn questioned, leaning forward to whisper this to him. Sean immediately leaned away and nodded his head. Finn made a weird face and stuck his tongue out. “I’m sure her daughter isn’t very pretty if she’s that desperate.” 

"Actually, she’s very pretty. I’ve met her before.”

“Is that so?” Finn asked, his tone flat and lacking any emotion. If Sean didn’t know any better, he would’ve almost thought he was jealous. But he was being hopelessly hopeful as ever.

Finn sighed and glanced below at the menu. There were several options beside standard tacos, but he wasn’t feeling too adventurous, merely settling with his regular dish. He really did not even have to look at the menu to make this decision, yet felt the need to look as if he was doing something because he’d run out of things to talk about. 

When the woman returned, she set down the two glasses of water she’d fetched for them. She then asked them their orders, likely assuming that they’d already decided on their meals long before they entered the restaurant. Sean paid little attention to what his friend got and told her that he would be having his regular entrée, which was three hard-shell tacos with extra sour cream. 

When she had left once again and taken the menus with her, Finn cleared his throat, stealing Sean’s attention. “Guess what I have to do this weekend even after I worked all damn week?”

"What now? Isn’t it illegal for you to work that much?”

“Yes, I’m almost a thousand percent sure that it’s illegal, but they’re making me attend a camping trip arranged for the boys.” He replied, shaking his head.

“Shit… that’s rough. I’m really sorry you have to do that.” Sean took a sip of his water, glancing towards the clock as Finn laid his head against the table with a slight groan. He did feel bad for him, but still wondered how going camping was really such a bad thing. He would’ve loved to spend his entire weekend laying out underneath the stars in some desolate wooded area.

“It’s beyond rough! Not only am I sleep deprived and overworked, but the boys are also being extra rowdy lately because summer is ending soon. And speaking of that, I’m really not looking forward to this year. Who knows if we’ll even get the same teacher this year… I don’t want to go back to that shitty place…” Sean could only shrug. 

He also hoped that they would end up in the same class, but it wasn’t like they even hung out at school anymore in the first place. Finn was always too busy with his other asshole friends. It had only been since the night of the summer festival that he’d actually started to hang around Sean again for some unknown reason.

The two soon fell into a mostly comfortable, but still moderately awkward, silence, each of them taking occasional sips of their waters. Nothing was said as the two sat there, until Finn abruptly sat up with widening eyes that practically lit up. 

“You should come with me on the camping trip!” He announced in an enthusiastic voice. Sean nearly spat out his drink.

“What?!” Was all he could say, his unnecessarily loud voice echoing through the primarily empty restaurant.

“You should come with me on the trip. You like camping, right? I mean, they were looking for volunteers from our school anyways. The whole reason why I’ve been so exhausted is because we’re so understaffed. It’s not like you have anything else to do this weekend. You would’ve just been sitting at home, bored. If you come with me not only will you be able to spend time in nature like you love, I will finally get a break! And hey, maybe if we’re careful we can sneak in a joint or two and slip away at night to chill!”

Just as Sean was about to open his mouth to politely decline, their food was set down on the table and he was completely cut off. He was sure his friend wouldn’t have taken no for an answer anyways. And besides, he had nothing to lose so spending some quality time with Finn in the woods with a hoard of twelve-year-old boys surely wouldn’t kill him.

—

Sean woke up unnecessarily early that Friday and immediately rushed out of bed and packed all his belongings up. Finn would be picking him up at six in the morning so they could make it to the bus in time. Though Sean was confident that they wouldn’t be left behind since the small summer camp needed all the help they could get, Finn seemed anxious to get to the school thirty minutes before the required time. 

The bus drive over to the campgrounds would be unpleasantly long, so Sean made sure to bring a blanket and a pillow for the ride. Perhaps he would be able to sleep through the entire drive if he was lucky.

He grabbed his duffle bag and hurried out of the room. His hair was quite messy and there were some serious dark circles underneath his eyes. No one could possibly look good at such early hours of the morning anyway, he figured. He then walked over to the kitchen and made his way to the cabinet, grabbing a breakfast bar. He could not afford the embarrassment of a grumbling stomach in front of Finn.

Glancing over at the microwave clock, he saw that the other boy would be arriving in as little as five minutes. His house was overwhelmingly quiet and rather dark since the sun had not yet come up. His mother and Daniel would surely sleep till it was nearly afternoon, but Sean knew his father would be waking up soon, and figured that he really did not need to deal with the grumpy and tired man. 

As he chewed at the tasteless granola bar, he opened the front door and stepped out into the usual summer morning heat. Just as he had thought, the street that he lived on was devoid of any streetlamps nor illumination from the sun.

He didn’t mind the dark, though, and it wasn’t like his neighborhood was a sketchy area. Even if it had been unsafe, he still would have preferred standing outside to a morning talk. His old man was already pissed that he wouldn’t be attending work at the garage, especially to supervise a bunch of children on a camping trip for free instead. 

His father still did not understand the concept of service hours. Sean supposed his father was just a workaholic who found pleasure from pushing his workaholic ways onto his already stressed-out son. During the wait, Sean occupied himself by checking all his bags to ensure that he had not forgotten anything important. 

He naturally was an over-packer and always made sure to bring about everything and anything that he deemed even relatively necessary. With this predicament, he had found it particularly challenging to somehow stuff all of his camping equipment into two bags. He was sure that Finn would tease him about it and certain that no one else would have more than a single bag. On countless school trips, he had been mocked for bringing extra pairs of shoes and clothing. Apparently, only girls could bring so much stuff on a field trip, or so his classmates had put it.

Some time passed before Finn finally arrived, flashing his fancy new car’s headlights in his face obnoxiously. He yelped out in pain and covered his eyes from the bright light. Though he was sure that he’d nearly been permanently blinded when he’d opened his eyes only to see darkness, it faded within a minute. As soon as his vision had returned, he got up from the ground and gathered his bags quickly, grumbling as he made his way to the car and opened the door. Once he’d thrown all of his belongings in the backseat, he got into the passenger side and closed the door behind him. 

“Shit, sweetie… I didn’t see you sitting there. I’m really sorry… are your eyes okay?” Finn asked in a concerned voice as soon as he was settled. Sean waved him off and sighed softly, insisting that he was perfectly fine.

Finn, however, was not so convinced, and even leaned in to inspect his eyes. He was at a loss for words as the other boy reached out and touched the corner of his eye with his thumb, a frown clear on his face. He didn’t think his actions were particularly necessary, but went along with it, even as his heart nearly leaped out of his chest. Finn’s frown slowly turned into a smile, as he noticed Sean’s confused expression, his thumb lightly caressing the corner of his eye. “They’re pretty, you know.” He muttered before pulling away entirely.

Sean shook his head to himself and turned to stare out the window as the car began to move. Why did Finn have to do things like that and let him get his damned hopes up? There was no logical explanation sometimes for why he did some of the things he did, besides to simply mess with him. Sean knew, however, that he would only do this if he knew his true feelings.

They drove in silence for about ten minutes, and then there had been about five minutes that Finn had softly hummed a familiar tone to keep himself alert and awake, as he navigated through the dark streets. Sean listened closely to his raspy voice while he leaned back in his seat, drifting in between being asleep and being awake. He’d always thought that his friend had a nice voice, but Finn was much too shy to sing. 

In times where he did comfortable enough to at least hum along to a song, Sean always made sure to listen. Once he’d returned to the previous quiet, he felt a bit disappointed that he hadn’t continued. He hoped that one day he would hear Finn actually sing for once.

Sean soon fully awakened when the car was shifted into park. It was still dark outside, and it would stay that way for quite a while. He rubbed at his eyes with a silent yawn, before he made his way out of the car. He headed for the backseat door, so he could take out their belongings. For some reason, Finn remained in the front seat for a while, as Sean carefully removed each bag. 

Finn stepped out of the car only once Sean closed the backseat door, now holding all three bags. He looked over at his friend, noticing the rather sleepy expression on his face. Perhaps he wasn’t the only exhausted one.

“I can take my bag, Sean.” Finn said, walking over to him as he locked up the car. Sean instantly shook his head and kept walking towards the school.

He momentarily pouted and walked along beside him. “You’re just going to carry all three bags all the way there??"

"Yes. Three little bags are nothing to me.”

With a scowl, he backhanded the back of Sean’s head, admittedly a bit harder than he really should have. 

“I know you’re just trying to impress me… Anyways, what I meant is that you’re obviously really tired. I figured you would be a little weakened by fatigue and I should help out a little.”

He shook his head. “I am perfectly fine. I could carry these things for five whole miles and not get tired, no matter how much sleep I got beforehand.” He boasted with a slight smirk. Athleticism was one of the only things he could actually tease Finn about, since he was such a well-rounded person and was pretty much talented in everything he did.

“That’s an impressive claim, you know. Are you saying what I think you’re saying, honey?” Finn quickly retorted with, a sly edge to his voice.

"Which is?”

“You’re clearly insisting that your stamina is exceptionally good, am I correct?” Sean frowned in confusion at the comment, not quite grasping the meaning of his implications.

“Your future girlfriends will surely enjoy you then, with such an outstanding amount of stamina as yours.” Finn sent him a cheeky glance and increased his pace. He still did not process the meaning of his words for about three straight minutes, but within the second that he did, he was a blushing mess. 

“What the hell?! Why do you have to say such a nasty thing?! I had no idea you had such a dirty mind…”

“Oh, I suppose all the twelve-year-old-boy humor has been rubbing off on me… my apologies.” Sean scoffed.

As expected, the bus had not yet arrived, and they were the first ones there. Sean was quick to locate a bench nearby that was considerably uncomfortable, but still better than standing for a half an hour. He carefully set down the bags he had been carrying on the ground below and tried to get as situated as possible.

He felt Finn shift slightly beside him, before there was suddenly an arm gripping onto his own. He looked over to see that his friend was staring directly at him, a rather panicked glint in his eyes. “What’s wrong with you now?” He questioned, using his free hand to gently flick Finn’s forehead.

“Ah, nothing… it’s just really dark.” He replied softly with a shy smile, still clinging onto his best friend’s arm.

“Yes, it may be dark, but it’s not like you’re alone. I’m right next to you. How could you possibly be scared when I’m with you?”

Finn’s eyes went downcast and his grip on Sean’s arm loosened. “You’re right. I’m an idiot, sorry. I’m older than you and I’m still terrified of the dark. It’s kind of pitiful. Sorry…”

He sighed and patted the other boy’s head. He had not intended to make him feel bad and felt pretty shitty for making it seem like he had. 

“Dummy… I’m not making fun of you, so don’t take it that way. Everyone has different fears, no matter what age they may be. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, Finn.”

The boy was quiet for a moment before he looked up, meeting his friend’s eyes once again. “If that’s true, then what is your greatest fear?”

Sean thought for a while, hesitant to answer the extremely personal question. He found great difficulty in replying since he had never before even thought of what his greatest fear was. He had quite a few minor fears here and there, yet not many that he could ever even consider as being great. Though the question was probably one of the most challenging to answer to, he still responded to it. He felt that Finn would not understand the answer at all, and probably even assume that he’d been joking. The meaning was much too deep for him to really uncover it, he was sure of it.

“You, probably.”

Just as he’d thought, Finn instantly burst out laughing, slapping his shoulder as he did. “The hell are you talking about? I’m not scary at all! You’ve gotta be joking!” He exclaimed, still smiling humorously. Sean played along, letting out a small chuckle and smiling sheepishly. He was totally joking.

The sudden arrival of the bus — indicating that their thirty minutes of waiting had passed in no time at all — interrupted Finn’s obnoxious laughter, followed by the honking of the horn to notify them that it’d arrived. The two had been so caught up in their conversation that they’d neglected to notice that several of the summer camp members and all of the counselors were there. Finn quickly snatched up his backpack and began running towards the bus, taking his bag before Sean could attempt to carry all three again.

He picked up his own belongings and watched as his friend approached one of their fellow camp counselors, excitedly greeting him. He did the same to another girl and a guy who were also helping out. It reminded Sean once again, just how much of a social butterfly his friend could be. He shook his head and muttered grumpily to himself as he forced himself to walk on over. Hopefully, no one would try to talk to him on the trip besides the twelve-year-olds. But even then he prayed they would stay far away.


	10. Chapter Nine

**_July 2016_ **

Sean practically dashed out of the smelly and cramped little bus that he had just spent three miserable hours of his life in. He had endured the horrors of prepubescent boys and their obnoxious “your mom” jokes, managing to suffice the endeavor with nothing more than a migraine and shortened will to live. Finn, the very reason he had landed himself in such a horrid place, however, slept throughout the entire drive. The little shit even had the nerve to use Sean’s shoulder as his pillow.

He couldn’t remember himself as ever being as annoying as the summer camp boys were at their age. It was really no wonder now why Finn would come home completely drained and irritated every weekday. Though he felt bad for him, he was furious that he had ever convinced him to attend, even knowing how awful it would be.

He glanced around the front of the campground for a few moments, analyzing the equipment they’d been provided. It wasn’t much at first glance. The land itself was perfectly suitable for camping and did not seem to be too dry from the summer heat or too damp from the occasional rainstorms they often had. There were several leftover fireplaces from past campers, to which Sean was thankful for. Nothing was more irritating than building a fire from scratch. Upon further inspection through the trees, a small building could be seen. He assumed it was the showers and the restrooms. At least the children would not be dirty.

He scanned the rest of the land that they’d rented, noting a clearing in the middle of all the trees. This would be useful for setting up all the tents, since it was a flat area. He had just been there for barely a few minutes and he’d already planned out everything, although he was nothing more than a volunteer to look after the rowdy kids. He doubted that the older camp counselors would take his plans into account. They barely knew who he was anyways.

Although useless, his planning had considerably calmed him down and took his mind off of the anxiety-driven nausea he’d been experiencing throughout the bus ride. It wasn’t that he was nervous about camping, since he’d gone many times with his father and brother and enjoyed it immensely, but it was the fear that people would begin to dislike him the moment they greeted him. He feared that people would whisper things behind his back, and that Finn would hear those very things and join in.

He exhaled softly and rubbed at the back of his neck, as he pushed his silly thoughts away. He would try his best not to converse much with the other counselors while he was there. He wouldn’t even give them the chance to get to know him. 

Sean looked over at the bus, glancing through the barely tinted windows to check if Finn was still asleep. Sure enough, even with all the movement caused by people exiting the vehicle, he remained curled up against the window, fast asleep. That boy must have been severely sleep-deprived to be able to sleep for that long in such an uncomfortable position and location. 

Sean had to admit that he had enjoyed the first hour of watching him sleep, but after a while, he’d started to get bored. And then he began to realize how uncomfortable those cheap bus seats could get after a solid two hours, though he had been thankful for the close proximity with Finn it allowed him.

He decided, even though he was angry with Finn, he should at least wake the poor boy up. He couldn’t imagine just how stiff his neck would be upon his awakening, and he would also likely be less than satisfied to see that the campground was more outdoors than had been anticipated and that there was absolutely no air conditioning. 

Finn was never the type to go camping for sure. Perhaps the look on his face once he stepped off the bus and landed his brand-new Vans into some muddy dirt would be the reward for Sean being such a caring and considerate friend. And karma for Finn being a self-centered and deceitful brat, since “rowdy” was clearly an understatement for the demon children they were babysitting.

Once everyone was off of the bus and claiming their bags, Sean took the opportunity to make his way up the stairs unnoticed. He had to duck, since the bus was mainly designed for elementary and middle schoolers, and he was about the size of one middle-schoolers stacked on top of an elementary-schooler. He made his way to about the middle of the bus, where Finn was huddled up. He couldn’t help but smile at how small he looked there, laying with his left cheek smushed against the crusty window. 

The bus driver had left the bus empty to go partake in a much-needed bathroom break, and no one was really paying attention, so Sean figured he’d take another one of his friendship rewards.

He plopped down on the seat, staring at the other boy. His pale cheeks were tempting to touch, so he poked the one that wasn’t against the window. It felt satisfying. A simple poke was not enough. He wanted that cheek. He wanted it. But he was scared. What if Finn happened to wake up to see that he was taking advantage of him in his sleeping state? How would Sean even go about explaining himself?

He shrugged and moved in for it, kissing his cheek softly. “Wake up, you fucker.” He whispered.

Finn’s eyes slowly fluttered open, revealing his pretty blue orbs. Sean continued to stare, watching as he struggled to wake up from his long nap. Once a few minutes passed, the previously sleeping boy turned to look at him. “You aren’t my mom. Why are you in my room, little Sean?” He grumbled.

“Are you stupid? We’re on a bus. In the woods. Volunteering at a summer camp for twelve-year-old boys. You’ve been sleeping since six-thirty in the morning and I’ve had enough. You didn’t bother to tell me how horribly behaved these children are.”

”Oh, I did, sweetie! I complained about it every single time I saw you. You thought I was lying?”

“Not exactly, I just didn’t listen to you. Every time you opened your mouth to say a word about your little summer job, I tuned you out.”

“Then that’s your fault. Not mine.” Finn quickly replied with a smug smile as he gathered up all of the things. He then frowned a bit, reaching up to touch the cheek that he had kissed. “Why’s my cheek wet, Sean?”

“One of the kids licked you. It was hilarious.” Sean lied, smirking as he watched his friend grimace in horror. It was getting so easy to fool the other boy these days. Sean was also steadily improving his lying skills, which helped as well.

As Finn collected all of his belongings, Sean clambered out of the old bus, leaving him alone inside. Everyone else was already heading off towards the clearing, led by some of the senior counselors. The only ones who weren’t following after were Sean, Finn, and another girl. He had no idea what her name was, but he had seen Finn speaking to her before their departure earlier on in the day. 

She was currently kneeling in front of one of the black bins containing all their bags, and seemed to be a little stressed, judging from her frantic searching. There wasn’t much to search through, though, so obviously, it was just a desperate attempt to look for something that had been lost. The girl didn’t seem like a bad person, and she had a rather pretty smile. 

Though he had promised himself that he definitely wouldn’t speak to anyone his age besides Finn, he didn’t want to seem like some rude asshole. The girl appeared to be growing more and more distressed as time went on and her bag remained missing.

“Uh, excuse me? Do you need some help?” Sean awkwardly called out, standing nearby her. The girl immediately jumped as soon as she heard his deep voice, halting her search to look up with wide eyes. When she saw that it was just another camp counselor she relaxed, standing up straight with a sheepish smile. 

“Ah, yes. Have you happened to see a pink backpack around? I remember putting it in this bin, but I can’t seem to find it anymore. There were no other pink bags, so I have no idea where else it would be. No one took it, as far as I knew…” She seemed to have a foreign accent of sorts, perhaps Norwegian or Swedish. 

Sean bit his lip, thinking back to his first glimpse into the bin. He was sure he would have caught sight of such a vibrantly colored bag, but he had no such recollection of a backpack of that sort. 

“Sorry, I haven’t seen it around. I briefly looked in the bin earlier and I didn’t see it either. Are you sure you didn’t leave it at home or in your car? It’s easy to forget simple things like that at the early hours of the morning.” He replied, fiddling with his thumbs.

She gave him another smile, defeat clear on her face. “Yeah… I’m sure I brought it. I put my wallet in there before storing it in the bin. I definitely did not imagine that, or I would still have my wallet.”

He thought for a moment before opening his mouth to speak, about to give her another useless suggestion, just as he felt a small tap on his shoulder. Turning, he saw Finn, holding up a bright pink backpack. 

“What the hell? Did you steal her backpack?” He accused, taking it from him. Finn rolled his eyes and slapped his shoulder.

“Who do you think I am? I found it on the bus. What do you think took me so long? I was checking to see if anyone forgot anything.” He snapped, glancing over at the blonde girl. He gave her a refreshing and bright smile, not at all looking as if he’d been sleeping for the past five hours. 

“Seems like you fell asleep before you stored your backpack away and it fell down and slipped under the seat.”

“Oh, thank you so, so much, Finn! You’re a life-saver!” She exclaimed gratefully, taking her backpack from Sean. She smiled again, a teasing glint in her eyes. “I won’t tell anyone, by the way…” The two boys both frowned in confusion, not understanding what she meant by this.

“Well, I… I saw him kiss your cheek, so I figured that… ah, nevermind. Sorry!” She quickly turned and speed-walked away, noticing Sean’s cheeks redden and Finn’s expression turn incredulous. 

Sean cursed the girl in his head, biting his lip in embarrassment. There was no way he could cover for himself now. Finn, surprisingly but also frustratingly, said nothing and carried on as normal, going to the bin to take out their bags, while humming cheerfully, surprised expression gone within seconds. Sean sighed and reached to take his out too.

—

It took hours – dreadful and awful hours – to finally put up all of the tents. Only two older female counselors along with Sean actually knew how to properly set up a tent, so naturally, they were the only ones who worked at setting them up, as the rest of the volunteers and the children sat around on their lazy asses and chatted. They often complained about how it was too hot or mentioned that it was taking too long for the tents to be put up, which just made him want to work even slower. He even had to restrain himself from strangling his best friend, when he began to whine about being bored and hot.

The tents that had been purchased were worthless and barely fit together right. Usually, when Sean went camping with his family, they bought the expensive and quite sturdy kind, which were set up in a quick and simplistic method. By his third tent, he was at an absolute loss of words. He’d never seen such garbage quality for a tent in his entire life, and it was clear that the other two thought the same from the looks on their faces.

Once every tent was finally standing upright and looked decently put together, Sean took a step back to admire his work. Smiling in satisfaction over a job well done, he closed his eyes and exhaled in relief. He felt incredibly happy that he’d been able to finish all the tents. That was, of course, until he felt it. At first, it was nothing but a tiny little droplet of liquid; small enough to be mistaken for his own forehead sweat.

Sean, however, soon realized that it was no small droplet of sweat, as he then heard the infamous grumble of thunder before a bad storm began to rage havoc on everything. He realized quickly that all of the hard work he had done would be wasted within minutes.

The poor boy didn’t even have enough time to react and take cover before it started down-pouring. It immediately erupted into complete chaos the second the rain began to come down. Children ran for their lives, camp counselors leading them to cover. Sean didn’t particularly care if he got soaked. He still could not comprehend the thought that he had just spent so long setting up those stupid tents, only for them to get rained on.

He stood, unmoving in shock, before Finn tugged at his shirt, urging him to move. Only because he knew that his friend didn’t particularly care for storms, Sean moved from his spot. Everyone appeared to be scrambling back towards the bus, using their bags as shields to the pounding rain. Sean’s bags had thankfully already been grabbed by Finn, otherwise they likely would have been left there.

Finn gripped tightly to Sean’s hand as they followed after the crowd hurrying to the bus. He could tell that his friend was definitely on edge. There hadn’t been any more thunder, but it didn’t look like the storm would be passing anytime soon. There was a line onto the bus, though it was thankfully moving relatively fast. 

They were eventually able to make it onto the bus, albeit being utterly soaked by this time. The doors were quickly shut behind them and everyone made their way to their assigned seats. Thankfully, the thunder did not yet return until Finn was fully situated into his seat beside Sean. After a few moments passed, the only adult counselor – who was the main organizer of the summer camp – came to the front of the bus and cleared her throat. She hadn’t gotten wet, since she’d gone back to the bus earlier to speak with the bus driver after he’d returned from the bathroom.

“Alright, settle down everyone!” She announced, efficiently quieting everyone down, before continuing. “As can be assumed, this camping trip obviously took a turn for the worse. I did not at all anticipate a storm as bad as this, and quite frankly, a storm at all. I checked the weather every single day last week, and there wasn’t supposed to be a drop of rain in this area. 

Regardless of that, I have unfortunately deemed it unsafe to be out in the middle of the woods during such a powerful storm, and since our tents are already ruined, it looks like this trip is a no-go. Originally, we’d planned on using the funds we raised to take you to an amusement park on our last day of camp, however, this is no longer possible. Due to this trip being a fail, the money raised for the amusement park will instead be used for a hotel tonight. It is too late to drive all the way back home, especially in these conditions, and there are some cities nearby, so the best option is to spend the night at a hotel and return home in the morning. I’m sure you all don’t want to sit in soaking wet clothes for more than an hour, anyways.”

Everyone on the bus groaned and complained as she took a seat. Sean had to admit that he wasn’t exactly unhappy that the trip was being canceled. He was sure that if it hadn’t rained and they had stayed, some of the tents could’ve blown away, or one of the kids might’ve gotten severely injured. There were endless risks to camping, and the vast majority of the camp counselors had very limited knowledge on how to efficiently prevent them. He glanced to the boy beside him, seeing that he seemed happy enough to leave and spend the night in a hotel with air conditioning. Sean frowned a bit as Finn let out a loud sneeze. Hopefully, neither he nor his friend would get sick, considering they’d been out in the rain for the longest.

—

The first hotel they encountered was certainly nothing special, yet didn’t appear to be dirty or possibly shady, so it was the one the head counselor decided they’d be staying at. All of the counselors were instructed to exit the bus and hurry to the lobby – though the ones that were soaking wet, such as Sean and Finn, were told to stand outside under the cover of an overhang.

Sean followed after him, hurrying to said overhand at the front of the hotel to escape the pounding rain. It was still thundering, but now more frequently, leading him to believe that storm would not be getting any better soon. Finn had his arms firmly wrapped around himself as he walked, shivering, to cover. This just made Sean wish that he was warm and dry, so he could wrap his own arms around his friend without it being weird or strange.

The camp supervisor explained once they all arrived at the front of the hotel, that there would be four kids to a room and three counselors to a room. 

Thankfully, the arrangements for the rooms were by gender, and there was a lack of male counselors — meaning that there was a high chance that Sean and Finn would be grouped together in the same room. As there were twenty-four boys, and twelve counselors total, they would need exactly ten rooms. 

Sean was thankful that the supervisor had brought their emergency fund money since he did not want to split the enormous bill with eleven people, especially when most had not even bothered to bring extra cash. Just as he’d expected, he ended up in a room with Finn, along with another guy who he’d never seen him interact with.

When they finished assigning everyone to their proper rooms, the few counselors who were dry, stepped inside the lobby to begin making the official arrangements with the front desk. Finn went to sit on a bench nearby, still shivering a hugging himself tightly. Sean figured that he should probably talk to him to try and distract him from the brutal cold he was feeling.

“It doesn’t seem like you’re too disappointed with the outcome of this. I bet you were praying for this to happen all night long yesterday.”

Finn smiled a bit and nodded his head. “I-I l-like staying at hotels… so I d-don’t exactly mind this. Plus, I’m almost guaranteed to be sick o-once we get home, which means that I don’t have to w-work anymore… I-I can relax for the last week of summer.”

Sean, unfortunately, shared the same likely fate, though it was not quite so beneficial of an experience for him when compared to Finn. His father would instantly become beyond pissed when his son returned from volunteering at a summer camp with a terrible cold. Being sick meant that valuable time that could’ve been spent working in the garage was wasted. Sean was not looking forward to the nonstop scolding that was bound to occur, especially while he was feeling like utter shit.

“Do you know the dude who we’ll be sharing a room with?” He suddenly questioned after they’d fallen into silence. He had inexplicably changed the subject, so he wouldn’t have to think about the deep shit he was in for. The said dude that they’d be rooming with was one of the lucky ones who’d been spared from the rain, and he was now inside of the hotel lobby. Sean was not ashamed to admit that he was extremely envious of him. Finn seemed to think for a moment as if trying to remember who exactly their roommate was. He hadn’t been paying much attention as usual. 

“Uh, I-I think I spoke to him… a few times… b-but our conversations were strictly related to work. He doesn’t seem v-very interesting and his full name is Jacob. He’s o-older than us… Why do y-you ask?” Finn struggled through his words, his teeth chattering at times from how cold he was.

“I was just curious… You know, you should probably take a hot shower when we get into the room…”

Finn smirked through the pain at this. “So, a-are we going to have to race to the room to see who gets the shower f-first?” He immediately facepalmed.

“Are you stupid? That will just create a breeze, which will make it even colder. Basically, what we’re dealing with here is that the person who gets the shower first is the one who doesn’t get sick. That’s the situation we have at hand.”

“T-then maybe we s-should shower together?” Finn suggested.

Sean’s cheeks went pink at the thought. “No way…”

Finn tilted his head in slight confusion, his shivering starting to lessen. “W-what’s the problem, though? We’re both guys. I-I won’t judge y-you if Seanie j-junior is s-smaller than expected!” He joked. 

Sean couldn’t fathom the thought of being naked in front of Finn. And it was even harder to imagine the image of Finn naked in front of him. He didn’t know which one was worse. At least the poor boy had shaved the previous day, so Finn wouldn’t think that he was hairy and gross. He decided he really had no solid argument to his offer. 

There shouldn’t be anything wrong with sharing a shower with your friends in an emergency situation as long as they were the same gender as you. Unless, of course, you happened to be very attracted to said friend.

“It’ll be q-quick, don’t worry!” Finn reassured him as he stood up from the bench, approaching Sean with a soft smile. “Don’t feel insecure, I’m your best friend, not your girlfriend.”

That’s an especially hurtful method of making someone feel better.

Thankfully, he was spared from having to respond, as their roommate exited the hotel lobby and tossed them the key. “Our room number is 224. There’s an outside stairwell somewhere around here. I have my own key, so I’ll be there in about an hour or so after dinner. Don’t wait up for me.”

Sean and Finn exchanged looks with each other before Sean took ahold of Finn’s arm and dragged him towards the stairway that he’d spotted earlier. At this point, they were both freezing cold and it was still raining heavily. They reached their room within five minutes, and Sean struggled to unlock the door since his hands were shaking so bad. 

They’d both neglected to bring along their bags, so they’d have to parade around in only hotel robes after their showers until their bag was brought to them. Regardless, they still immediately rushed to the bathroom as soon as they successfully entered the hotel room.

Sean fiddled around the with shower, trying to figure out how to work it, while Finn was already stripping down to his underwear. He tried, rather helplessly, not to feel some sort of way about being in the same room while he was undressing. Finally, he was able to turn on the water and set it to hot. He then took a step back, fingers going to the hem of his shirt. He heard Finn “ahem” behind him and had to stop himself from looking back.

“Just keep your boxers on, that’s what I’m doing.” Finn told him, brushing past him to get into the shower. Sean’s eyes locked on his white and naked back, though it was nothing he hadn’t seen before. He was glad that the other boy had decided to leave at least one article of clothing on. Hesitantly, he removed his shirt, followed by his soaked jeans, which were annoyingly tight on his legs from being so wet. He was certain now that he would have never been able to shower without at least his boxers on in the company of Finn.

With burning cheeks, he stepped into the steaming water. It wasn’t too small for both of them, but it was still awkward to be in such close proximity of so much bare skin. Finn was already hogging the water, inappropriately moaning in relief once the warm water touched his freezing skin. Sean reached out to slap his back, panicking, “That’s not necessary, you know!”

Meanwhile, from outside of the room, Jacob had just entered the room with their forgotten bags, intending to drop them off and leave, only to hear the shower running. He set their drenched bags down and listened in, jumping when he heard the sound of a moan. Seconds later, he heard an audible slap against skin, and flinched once more. What the hell was going on in that bathroom?!


	11. Chapter Ten

**_July 2016_ **

There is nothing more delightful and satisfying than waking up to the majestic sound of the love of your life snoring like a pig. Sean could attest to this, having been woken up several times to realize miserably that it was still pitch-black outside and Finn’s nostrils were still going at it. Jacob, the lucky bastard, was apparently immune to the annoying snoring that never seemed to cease and continued to sleep like the dead. Finally, as Sean was roused from his slumber yet again, he turned and saw the rising sun instead of the dreadful black sky that he’d unfortunately seen each time prior.

He sighed softly and brushed some of his bedraggled brown hair out of his face, turning back again to see the sleeping boy beside him that had caused such torture throughout the night. As expected, he also looked like a complete mess, seeing as his hair was sticking up in all directions on his pillow, along with a steady stream of drool seeping down his chest. Cringing at his friend’s appearance, Sean squeezed his nose in irritation. 

“God, shut up will you?” He whispered, his voice sounding harsher than he’d intended. Finn, still asleep, responded by tossing towards him, taking ahold of his arm to cuddle his own damp face against. This, of course, meant that a significant amount of drool was transferred onto Sean’s arm.

“You’re lucky I love you, you know. Normal people would not tolerate this for a second.” He muttered angrily, his free hand coming down to gently smooth down some of Finn’s hair. 

Sean absentmindedly ran his hand through his friend’s rat nest and stared out the nearby window. In a way, he was glad that they had not spent the night sleeping in an uncomfortable tent on the ground. The hotel bed had only made the never-ending snoring just a bit more tolerable. He figured that he would’ve lost his mind if they had been inside a cheap tent that provided no comfort whatsoever. Thankfully at this point, his ears were able to somehow adjust to the sound and block it out, at least to the point where he hadn’t even realized when it abruptly stopped, suggesting that Finn was either awake or dead at last. 

“You look like an idiot.” Finn suddenly said hoarsely, alerting him at last to his awakening. His hand was still buried in his friend’s hair, and he really hoped it didn’t seem too weird that he had been casually petting him while staring at a random wall in silence. Then he realized what derogatory term his friend had so rudely referred to him as looking like and attempted to rip some of his stupid hair out of his scalp, earning a yelp in pain from his victim. 

“Stop it, whore!” He cried out, slapping Sean’s hands away from his hair.

He couldn’t help but scoff. “You call me a whore, yet you easily have the biggest morning wood I think I’ve ever seen in my life.”

“Is that supposed to be an insult or a compliment, bro?” Finn retorted with a smirk, looking down with pride at his own little tent and then at Sean with now an innocent smile.

“Not a compliment, dude. I am curious about what type of dream you were having though, since there is an entire pool of saliva covering your chin.” He responded with eyebrows raised as he gestured to his chin. Finn chuckled softly as he sat up in bed, wiping his chin before stretching a bit. He then turned to look at the other boy, who remained laying down against the white pillows. Finn gave him another one of his sweet smiles before suddenly flopping down onto his chest.

“Get off!!” He exclaimed immediately, trying to push the boy off of himself, who simply clung to him and wouldn’t budge. His cheeks were on fire as he tried helplessly to get away, reminded instantly of the time Finn had abruptly laid on him in the park. As Sean attempted to pry the boy’s arms away, trying to break the iron grip he had on him, the latter laughed. This went on for a few more pathetic moments before he had managed to get the upper hand and pinned down Sean’s arms and legs, so he could no longer fight against him.

By this point, Finn was practically straddling him, leaning down slightly to hover over him. There was very little space between the two, doing no good to ease Sean’s anxiety. His face was inching increasingly close to his, until he could feel the heat of his breath. He hopelessly tried squirming away, again to no avail. Finn was apparently extremely determined to keep him pinned down. Eventually, he gave up and stared back at him awkwardly, wondering what the hell he was doing and thinking of.

“Ahem.” A deep voice came from the bed across from them, causing the two to both flinch in surprise. Jacob was sitting up in the bed nearby, watching them with a suspicious expression. Sean stared in horror as Finn gave him a small grin. 

“Good morning, sunshine.” He then chimed in, acting as if they hadn’t been discovered in such a compromising position by someone who was practically a stranger. As usual, Finn seemed oblivious to how odd his actions often seemed to other people, and especially to poor Sean.

Having him temporarily distracted, however, allowed for Sean to shove him away and scramble off the bed. He grumbled in annoyance as he quickly made his way to the closet and took out one of the bathrobes off a hanger, putting it on in a rush. All he could think about was escaping the incredibly embarrassing situation he had found himself in, so naturally, that was exactly what he did. Before Finn could even come to his bearings once more, he had slipped out of the room and shut the door firmly behind him.

—

He inched down the stairs, purposefully taking his time to allow Finn to catch up with him. Though he still wanted to instill the idea that he was still angry into the mind of his friend, he had no intention of eating all alone in a room full of people that he was entirely unfamiliar with. 

Before, he had walked slowly down the hallway leading back to the room he’d just escaped, stepping into a hidden corridor as he listened for the click of the door opening and hurried footsteps along the path that he had just traveled. It was at that time that he was able to duck into the stairwell and begin his descent, harboring a giddy and playful kind of feeling, almost as if he were a child being chased during a game of tag.

With adrenaline peaking, he’d rushed down an entire flight of stairs just as he heard the sound of the stairwell door above opening and someone coming inside. He figured that he needed to slow down a bit after a while, so he then began creeping down the stairs with as much stealth as he could muster. After a few more steps, he could distantly hear Finn’s already ragged breathing, which in itself was humorous, since he was barely half the distance he had traveled. A small, yet clearly audible laugh slipped accidentally from his mouth, surely alerting Finn of his nearby presence.

“Sean!” The sound of his voice, lacking breath, echoed from above, causing Sean to resume a fast pace once more. The game couldn’t end just yet. He hadn’t had quite this much fun in a while, after all.

Although his stamina was a great deal better than Finn’s, he was also beginning to tire as well, his own breaths becoming just as uneven as his pursuer’s. Once he had reached the very last step, he decided that he would be finally putting an end to the chase, though not without a twist. 

Opening the exit door and letting it slam closed loudly, he remained at the foot of the stairs, giving him the false impression that he had already run out of the stairwell. He faintly heard his friend cursing after he had done so and couldn’t help but smile.

He didn’t wait long for the footsteps to grow nearer, due to him dashing down the last flight of stairs he had left, eager to catch up to his faster friend to make the amends he’d been tricked into thinking were necessary for his forgiveness. Sean wasn’t quite that petty, but just enough to fool him into believing he was.

He stayed hidden in a dark corner nearby the door, covering his mouth to avoid any laughter from slipping out again. He waited patiently, keeping silent as possible. At last, when Finn reached the end of the stairs, he crept out from the shadows and swiftly moved to grab him, making sure that he was unable to see his face as he did so. he yelled at the top of his lungs, punching and kicking at him as if he were being attacked.

“It’s just me!!” Sean exclaimed, wrestling with the small boy. 

He stilled when he realized that it was just his friend. “Oh, Sean? I thought you were trying to kidnap me. You shouldn’t scare someone like that, you know. I could’ve accidentally killed you.” 

He rolled his eyes and let the boy go, heading towards the exit door. “Yeah well, you deserved that after what you did this morning. I do not like being held down against my will at six in the morning, by the way.”

Sean resisted the urge to slam the door in his friend’s face and merely held it open for him, letting him slip inside. It was rather chilly, considering the sun had come up. This was unusual for summertime, but the weather had been all over the place lately. Together, they walked to the entrance to the lobby of the hotel, which they still had yet to explore. He could already see the crowd of children who had been dragged out of the beds and downstairs for the complimentary breakfast the hotel provided. Many looked quite miserable, still standing in only their pajamas. 

The more awake ones seemed to be chatting happily, ignoring their more sleep-deprived peers as they moaned and groaned about being absolutely exhausted. Sean found himself relating to the tired ones as Finn skipped merrily beside him, not a single care in the world.

“Do you think they will have those waffle-making thingies set up?” He questioned, stilling as the sliding glass doors slid open to allow them to step into the lobby. Sean gave him a shrug, not entirely paying attention to his overly hyperactive friend. Most of the other counselors were down in the lobby with them, but they didn’t greet them when they entered. Hopefully, they simply hadn’t noticed and weren’t purposely being rude. 

He sighed softly as he stepped into the breakfast line, scanning through the various people. The girl who he had spoken to briefly the previous day was near the front of the line, standing alone. He wondered if she was well-acquainted with anyone besides Finn. She hadn’t seemed like someone who could be considered a complete loner, however, she didn’t appear overly extroverted.

“You’re pretty tall, can’t you see if they have a waffle maker at the front?” Finn questioned, tugging at his sleeve. Sean scowled back at him and wrenched his arm away from him.

“You’ll find out when we’re up there, why can’t you just be patient.” He quickly looked away from him and went back to observing the girl. She seemed content enough, standing up there in silence. He was strangely curious about her character. He really wondered if she truly thought he and Finn were more than friends, or if she had been joking before. It was unlikely that she had been telling the truth since it was odd for people in their town to be acceptive about relationships between people of the same sex. He really hoped, though, that she had been serious, as it indicated that at least someone in the world would not criticize him about the way he truly felt. 

Although unlikely, it did provide him a glimmer of hope. Perhaps people of newer generations would be more open-minded.

The line seemed to drag on, and the wait became almost painful as Sean grew more and more hungry. Even Finn was starting to get agitated after the first fifteen minutes and they’d barely moved from their place. He watched him as he rocked back and forth on his heels, boredom evident in his expression. His hyperactivity had quickly disappeared, and now he just seemed eager to eat waffles. Sean entirely shared the same feelings.

“Damn, this line is barely even moving. Do we seriously have to eat here?” Finn suddenly spoke up, tugging on the sleeve of Sean’s robe to get his attention. He pulled away and gave him a scornful look, not willing to put up with any antics again. Finn’s hands fell to his sides and he let out a little sigh, glancing away from his grumpy best friend. 

He didn’t speak for a while as he stood there, tapping his foot in irritation with his arms crossed. He somewhat agreed that they might’ve had better chances at an actual restaurant. There had to be some sort of place nearby that they could walk to and buy some breakfast. They wouldn’t be checking out until about twelve o’clock in the afternoon, so they wouldn’t have to worry about possibly being left behind.

Finally, when he decided he’d had enough of waiting in a line that never seemed to move, he broke his silence. “You know what, as much as I hate to admit it, this line really is awful. I honestly think that we will have better luck at some fast-food restaurant nearby. Did you see anything close on the way here last night?”

Finn immediately turned and smiled happily, glad that he was getting his way at last. “Yes! I saw a McDonalds right next to the hotel and I’ve been thinking about eating there since I woke up!” He announced happily, keeping his voice low to prevent the other people standing in line from hearing. “They have breakfast food there, right?”

Sean nodded slowly, looking towards the exit with a longing gaze. “It’s cheap too… do you have any cash on you?” He asked, hoping that he’d been smart enough to grab some, since apparently, he’d planned on going the entire time.

“Well obviously not, I’m still in my pajamas and I ran out of the room as fast as I could to get ahold of you. Why would I waste that precious time grabbing my wallet?”

Sean groaned and shook his head in annoyance. “Come on, can’t you be useful for once? I thought you said you were thinking about going there since you woke up?” Finn gave him a sly smile and reached into his pocket, taking out a familiar black wallet. 

“Well, I did conveniently grab your wallet, considering it was on the bedside table. See, I am pretty useful sometimes, sweetie.” Rolling his eyes, he snatched the wallet out of his hands and shoved it into his own pocket. 

“Alright. Let’s get out of here.” The two of them slipped out of line and made for the exit, stepping outside into the cold air once more. They then began their walk to the McDonalds, with Finn leading since the other boy was clueless to where the restaurant was located. The sun was slowly climbing higher into the morning sky, and the longer they walked, the warmer it thankfully became. Sean, however, could only think of eating pancakes and hash browns.

—

Finn walked silently along the dim hallway of the hotel. He was alone, since Sean had decided to leave him and go back up to their room to properly get ready after they returned from their breakfast. Having some alone time definitely did provide him time to think without interruption. He had been putting off his thoughts for the longest time, refusing to allow them to ruin his mood during the trip.

There were so many things that he had found himself questioning and doubting. He didn’t even know what to address first. Too much had happened since the weekend began. So many things had changed since the beginning of the month.

He hadn’t seen his mother in weeks after she had suddenly left in the middle of the night, not even leaving a note for him or even his father, who had the audacity to reassure him that the woman would soon return and apologize for her absence. He knew better than to trust the man that seemed to only be good at spewing unrealistic bullshit that he couldn’t even believe for a second. In all honesty, his mother really had every right to leave. They had finally divorced, freeing her of all ties to her former husband, making her son the sole reason for her remaining at the house. Her hatred for his father, however, would be the ultimate decider in her staying or leaving in the end — he just hadn’t been enough. 

Finn couldn’t even begin to feel sad about her departure, as he was much too relieved that the insistent fighting was gone, and he could have some peace and quiet at last. Some nights he even got the entire house to himself when his father was staying over at his new girlfriend’s place instead. He didn’t mind being alone at all. Anything was better than what he’d had to put up with prior to the split.

He had simply grown numb to the situation between his parents. Having to deal with it for so long just made him annoyed – to the point where sadness wasn’t even an emotion he could bring himself to feel. He had just become completely indifferent and over it. He had way better things to be worrying about. Pointedly, Sean.

_ Oh, little Sean...  _ Why did he have to be so complicated? He couldn’t understand why the boy didn’t hate his guts at this point. He was constantly nagging him and playing with his feelings. He had even ignored him for the entire month. Why on earth would he still want to be around him after all that he had done? Finn was an awful friend. He didn’t, in any way, deserve to have someone like him.

He was so, so curious about what exactly made him so loyal and forgiving. Was it pity perhaps? Did Sean feel bad for him or something? Or was it all an act as well? He could never read the boy. Everything he did was so unpredictable and so unlike everyone else, which was the very reason why Finn could never seem to leave him alone.

He always saw the wandering gazes and the embarrassed blushes when he was caught in the act. He saw it all. He felt it all; especially the way Sean touched him so tenderly. No one treated him the way that his best friend did. No one had ever bought him dinner at eleven o’clock at night and walked him all the way to his house to make sure he was safe. He never felt the way he did with Sean with anyone else.

He had no idea why, but he also found his own gaze lingering at times, and felt his cheeks heat up whenever Sean intentionally said something sweet to him. He often went out of his way, yearning for that gentle touch, wanting some sort of affection; some sort of feeling that didn’t have to be faked. Something real was all he needed, even if he didn’t understand it.

He didn’t care if it looked weird to other people. He didn’t care if people wanted to assume that Sean and he were together, as the girl, Ingrid, from the previous day had suggested they were. It wasn’t odd that they had exchanged a few kisses before, he knew they meant nothing. They were absolutely nothing to him. Nothing to Sean.

_ But were they really nothing to him? _

Finn slumped against the wall in a secluded hallway, holding his head in distress. Everything was so difficult. So confusing. Why was Sean so different? Finn couldn’t possibly be safe with him if he couldn’t even control himself, let alone Sean. There was so much fear that one day he would leave him and never come back. Just like all his older brothers and then his mother had done… and just like he knew his father eventually would.

Finn had spent sixteen long years in a cruel world that he never felt like he belonged in. He thought for the longest time that he was only destined to die all alone, loveless and friendless. He could never fit in, no matter how hard he tried to. He pretended so much and lied more than he could count to get to a position of worth and popularity among other people, yet he was content with throwing it all away in seconds. All because of him. Why was that? Was he not as selfish and heartless as he previously thought?

After all, he couldn’t even bear to see the unhappy look in his friend’s eyes when he had blown him off again, back when he had first started hanging out with Penny and his group of friends. He could tell that Sean was just as miserable as he was. The only difference was that Finn was inflicting the pain purposefully upon himself. He never intended for him to be sad, but it was unavoidable. 

He had never realized how alone Sean was too. His heart had nearly broken into two as he watched his best friend roam around the halls, looking alone and like a lost puppy. It was then that he found out that he really was Sean’s only friend. Knowing this just made it even harder for him to continue on the way he was. There was so much guilt, unbearably so. And not only was there guilt, but there was also longing. Longing that he’d yet to understand. He still didn’t quite understand it.

He remained there, leaning against the wall, fighting back tears as he remembered those dark times. He knew he couldn’t keep on going the way he was or he was bound to get hurt, yet he couldn’t continue to live a lie for much longer. Finn’s situation was infuriatingly exhausting to him. The longer he spent living the life he had always wanted to live, the more at risk he was. 

His mind was constantly telling him that he was becoming too open and vulnerable, making him believe things about Sean that weren’t exactly true. At the same time, his heart was finally content with his situation. He had managed to find peace within himself for the first time in his life. There was no way it could last any longer, though. Something bad was bound to happen, he just knew it.

_ Push him away, it’s the only way to delay the inevitable. He won’t lose interest in you if he has to fight to even get some of your time. _

Everything was so overwhelming. Too much to handle. It had been a mistake to think about all the problems… all the possibilities.

“Finn?” Came his voice suddenly, shaking him from the darkness he was steadily plummeting into. He looked up slowly, meeting his soft eyes that made him melt if he stared too long at them.

Slowly, slowly, his lips quirked up into a smile, his distress vanishing within moments “Sean-ie boy, there you are…”

_ They were everything. _


	12. Chapter Eleven

**_October 2016_ **

Time progressed with an unbelievable speed, leaving behind all those who had been unprepared for the remainder of the new year. Soon enough, summer had come to an end and Finn and Sean returned to the daily grind of testing and studying.

Much to Sean’s surprise and delight, Finn had stuck around with him since they had started school, and he seemed, for the most part, to have lost interest in the group of friends he had spent almost all of his time with throughout the previous school year. He surely had his bad days, but he was definitely in a better mood and state of mind, at least from what Sean had observed. He had a theory that his poor friend had become rather lost after his parents decided to make their split. Perhaps he had felt lost even before then; maybe he had felt that way for his entire life.

Sean had seen some things that suggested that his friend had a lot more issues than he really let on to have. He wasn’t sure if he would ever really have the strength to confess any of his well-kept secrets to anyone anytime soon though. Finn would always be one big mystery to him, it seemed at times. He couldn’t blame him, however, for keeping his feelings hidden away, since he too had developed that particular habit. 

He never felt the urge or need to have meaningful and deep discussions with him. He had a feeling that revealing anything he’d kept to himself would prove to be rather compromising on his part. He honestly didn’t really mind this, as he was perfectly content when even obtaining an hour of Finn’s ever-wandering attention.

Before he knew it, the months had passed by and he found himself in late October, almost two months since his sixteenth birthday had passed. He was happy to again be the same age as his best friend, yet he felt like he had wasted away so much of his precious time, slaving away at his father’s auto shop and doing homework he stayed up late every night to complete. 

He couldn’t even remember the last time in months that he had gone out on the weekend or even left this house, besides to attend school and pick up food and groceries. The repetitiveness of his weeks was maddening and, above all else, extremely dull. He craved fun and enjoyment, even if it was only for a single night.

Thankfully, fun was somewhat unavoidable, however, on the day of Halloween, which came just as quickly as the entirety of the month of October had passed. Though Sean favored Christmas over any of the other holidays, he could never discredit the genuine fun he usually experienced on the night of Halloween. He had not dressed up in years, but he always enjoyed staying up all night to watch various horror movies with Finn, occasionally getting up to answer the door and hand out candy. 

The two of them had developed a tradition since they had first started at the age of thirteen. He really had no idea whether or not they would be continuing their annual tradition again, but he was certain that he and Finn would be at least spending Halloween together, one way or another.

Sean tentatively stepped out from the back door of his bedroom that leads to the yard when it became time for him to depart from school. He had developed a habit for exiting his house by way of this handy and easily accessible exit ever since school had started. He had found that his father had progressively developed an even worse case of morning moodiness. 

He carried on and complained so much one morning that Sean had almost arrived late to school. Fuming and irrevocably irritated at his father for having ruined his morning ritual, he vowed from then on only to leave from the back of the house, through the door thankfully placed just feet from his bed.

When questioned by his father as to why he had not been leaving through the front, he merely stated that it was more convenient for him. Whether or not his father understood the slight implications of his statement or not, he cared little for. His father had not since questioned him on the matter and had settled with relenting all his morning disputes to his poor wife instead, who graciously listened to his rambling with ears skillfully trained for many years in overlooking the tiresome sound of her husband’s voice. 

He had, from then on, related his mindless troubles upon selectively deaf ears - unbeknownst of course to him. Sean somewhat pitied the woman, but then again, she was the one who had married his cumbersome father in the first place.

Nevertheless, he trudged along the rows of tomato stalks, arranged neatly in the relatively tiny plot of land outside his house. His mother took great pride in the small but extremely well-maintained garden in which she grew the fresh vegetables and spices she used for dinner. She had never been too keen on letting him help out, but constantly allowed Daniel to help her plant and water the garden. Sean couldn’t even be jealous, since he was sure he’d just kill the plants. 

He smiled softly as he walked on past the remainder of the garden, almost wishing that there was perhaps some space left for him to plant a few pretty flowers. He walked on still, not stopping for a second to admire anything. He had seen it a hundred times and might see it a hundred more anyways.

Five minutes into his walk, Sean passed by Finn’s house. It was an utter surprise to see that his little car was still in the driveway, noticeably running. The whole reason why he walked to school instead of catching a ride with his friend was that he left the house too early, so why was he still at home so late in the morning?

He crept slowly towards the passenger side of the car, trying to stay out of the view of the various mirrors. Once he got up to the passenger side door, he cautiously peeking inside. Inside he saw Finn fast asleep. This explained why he had not left yet. 

He sighed and made his way to the driver’s side, knocking softly to prevent scaring him awake. The boy’s blue eyes fluttered open prettily, and he glanced around with a dazed expression. Sean knocked once more and his gaze switched to his direction. A strangely soft smile appeared on his lips as they made eye contact. Sluggishly, he opened the car door and slipped out. Finn smiled again, more alert, and stepped forward, wrapping his arms around his neck. “Happy Halloween, little Sean.” He whispered softly.

He felt his cheeks heat up and he hugged him back hesitantly. “I don’t think I’ve ever met someone that loves Halloween more than you do. You act like it’s Christmas or something.”

“I like today better than Christmas, to be honest. Christmas is troublesome for my family, especially now since mom is gone.” Finn replied, pulling away from the sweet embrace.

“Ah, but don’t you have a step-mom now?”

He sighed softly and shook his head. “I don’t even know her. Besides, she’s just my dad’s girlfriend. They’re not married or anything.”

Sean shrugged, quick to drop the subject. His parents barely even fought, so he knew close to nothing about divorce. “How’d you fall asleep in your car? Did you not get any sleep last night or something?” Finn leaned against the door of the car, glancing up at the sky. 

“I was waiting for you, actually. I honestly always wonder why you never ask me for rides. It must be annoying to walk all the time.”

“Well if you didn’t leave at five in the damn morning, maybe I would consider letting you take me to school.”

He lightly hit his shoulder. “I like to leave before my daddy gets up and tries to talk to me for an hour about all his problems.”

Sean chuckled. “Funny. My dad does the same. Must be a grumpy old man thing.” Finn laughed softly as well and reached up to ruffle Sean’s long and rather unkempt hair. “I’m sure we’ll both end up like that in the future. I mean, you’re already grumpy enough as it is.”

Sean rolled his eyes. “We should go. The bell rings in like twenty minutes.” The other boy agreed and said no more, opening the door and slipping inside. He quickly followed suit and went to the passenger side. They drove in silence for the most part, but Sean could tell that he had something on the very tip of his tongue that just needed to come out. He glanced over at him frequently, watching for some kind of expression change, or some other indication of how he was feeling, but he mostly remained neutral.

He appeared to be in good spirits - particularly optimistic, which had lately become a usual thing for him. Some days, all Sean could really see was gray. Sometimes frowns were the sole indication of this gloom, but there always seemed to be an undeniably strong vibe seeping from the very depths of Finn’s psyche. Worry. Loathing. Pity.

Lies.

On those days, he seemed to be unable to even tell a small truth. Every response, every answer was fabricated almost instantly by the automatic lie generators in his mind. Though those days had become far and few between, when they did come, Sean was always left with a sick and cold feeling. It was strange how quickly a person could change, even when you had known them for countless years.

When they finally arrived at the front gates of their high school, Finn finally spoke. “It’s really a shame that we can’t wear Halloween costumes anymore… even to school. I remember that every year on this day, I would wake up extra early to pester my poor mother about helping me put on my costume. You see, I really didn’t like waiting till school got out to put on that nice, new costume that I had been keeping in my closet, untouched, for months. She would always help me, of course, even though she was completely exhausted from her old job, she still always did everything she could to put a smile on my face.” 

Sean didn’t know how exactly to respond to Finn’s obvious nostalgia. It pained to hear him talk in that way, as it clearly demonstrated that he missed his mother. “That’s sweet…” He simply murmured, words laced with not only sadness, but also a tinge of selfish jealousy. He had had it so good back then.

“You know, before my mom was fired from her job, she always used to be so kind and caring. It’s really a shame that she changed. I guess it was the bills and the debt that got to her. Money always changes people, whether it be good money or bad money. My mother’s priorities seemed to shift quite rapidly. One moment her main concern was purely making me happy, the next it was trying to figure out how to pay the next mortgage bill. I guess she just never went back to the way she was before, and my dad couldn’t handle that change as well as I did.”

He patted his friend’s shoulder lightly. “Listen, save that depressing stuff for another day. This is your day… you should enjoy it.”

“You’re right, sweetie. Screw her, I’m enjoying this day with or without her. She would just ruin it anyways.” At this point, the car had reached the student parking lot. Finn carefully backed into his designated spot. Sean quickly unbuckled both of their seatbelts and stopped out of the car. There were more people than when he usually arrived, which indicated the class would be starting soon. The other boy turned the car off and got out, slinging his bag across his shoulder. 

Immediately after he got out, a short brunette girl hurried over to him. “Hey Finn, are you going to Penny’s party today or what? He’s been trying to find you since Monday so he could ask.”

Sean watched his friend’s countenance, seeing his lips slightly quirk up in an irritated manner, till they formed a clearly forced smile. “What party are you talking about?” He questioned, his perfectly trimmed brows furrowing in confusion as he said so.

“He’s having a costume party. I thought you knew about it already. Don’t you guys talk at all?”

“Well yes… but I’m very busy with my new classes this year, so I don’t get much time to speak to him lately.”

_ That’s a lie. You just told me last weekend that you hadn’t been getting even a quarter of the amount of homework you were getting before. _

“Oh, that sucks. I’m sure you’re doing great, though, since you’re so smart.”

Finn smiled and thanked her for the compliment. “I appreciate you letting me know about Penny’s party. I’ll make sure to talk to him about it at lunch.” The two exchanged brief goodbyes, and his fake little smile disappeared instantly. He turned to glance over at Sean with a soft sigh. “I’ll be at our lunch table a little later than usual, is that okay?”

Sean simply nodded, still stunned at his exchange with the girl. Finn smiled again, this time for real, and reached over to pull his friend into yet another sweet hug, resting his head against his shoulder for a moment before pulling away.

—

His first three classes passed monotonously, as none of his teachers had planned anything special for Halloween. He couldn’t seem to get the worry and uneasiness that he was feeling out of his system. He was so afraid that Finn was actually thinking of going to Penny’s stupid party and to hang around all those worthless people, that he knew meant damn well next to nothing to him.

Even if he had no intention of returning to his previous friend group, it remained quite disturbing how easily Finn could so effortlessly lie to someone’s face. He almost wanted to wonder how many times that he had been told a lie. Perhaps almost everything was. Who was he to know? Sure, he kept certain things from his friend, but only so their relationship wouldn’t be completely ruined.

Still riddled with anxiety, he made his way to their table. They were the only ones who ever sat there, so he would be there alone until Finn showed up. It didn’t feel good to be alone, at least for him. He could almost feel the horrible looks and stares burning holes into him, and could easily hear the whispers. Being alone made you weird. It made you a loner. He didn’t want to feel like that again, ever since he got Finn back. It was the main reason why he was so terrified of losing him again.

Minutes passed; boring and slow, until he decided to stand up and get himself a lemonade from the vending machine. He walked with his head down, unwilling to meet the gazes that turned his way as he walked. He figured he got stared at a lot because he was so awkward-looking, although his mother always insisted it was because he was so handsome. Of course, Sean didn’t believe her for one second. He knew all mothers saw their children in a way better than reality, and he was sure his mother was definitely doing the same with him. The gazes, admittedly, were primarily females, though he also assumed it was because most girls were naturally more judgmental of appearance than boys.

Once he arrived at the vending machine of his choice, he reached into his front pockets, fumbling around for some extra money that he had shoved into his pockets before he left for school that morning. To his dismay, both front pockets, as well as the back ones, were completely empty. Which meant that he would have to walk back to his table empty-handed. He flushed instantly, already embarrassed at the thought of all those stares, this time judging. 

He checked once more out of desperation, once again finding absolutely nothing. As he was mentally preparing for the defeated retreat back to his table, someone suddenly tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around quickly, eyes widening at the sight of a girl just a little bit shorter than him. She was incredibly pretty, although he didn’t appear to be intimidating in any way. 

“Oh sorry, am I holding up the line?” He asked, voice wavering from nervousness.

The girl shook his head. “Nah, I was just passing by and I saw you searching around in your pockets for money. I figured you forget your cash back at your table.” She had a charming Southern scent, that slightly reminded him of Finn’s. 

Sean laughed awkwardly. “Yeah... I can’t believe I did that...”

The girl smiled a bit. Her smile was friendly and nice. “Hey dude, don’t worry about it. Just take this, I don’t need.” She reached into her own pocket and slipped Sean some cash.

“Oh no, no! You don’t need to give me money! It was just my stupid mistake, I’ll be fine!” He reassured frantically, trying to hand the money back.

“Listen man, it’s chill. Trust me, I’m not gonna miss a couple bucks...”

“O-oh... well thank you so much!” He replied, still nervous, despite her act of kindness.

“No problem, really. I never miss a chance to help a fellow human out. My name is Cassidy, by the way. I just go by Cass most of the time, though.”

Sean had never heard of her before, let alone seen her. “I see, well, I’m Sean Diaz...”

Cassidy’s eyes widened slightly. “Diaz? Do your parents own a little auto shop nearby the town square by any chance?”

He nodded slowly. “Yeah... Also, I’m just wondering why you immediately thought I was their son? Diaz is a common last name...” 

Cassidy chuckled softly. “Well, I just thought you looked a lot like your dad, Esteban. He’s really handsome and, well, so are you... I, um, spoke to him a few times about getting my family’s old car fixed up.”

Sean blushed bright red at her compliment and quickly went to insert his money into the vending machine, finally getting the can of lemonade.

Cassidy said nothing and watched him as he did, slightly smirking at the way the other boy blushed. Once he had successfully gotten his lemonade and turned back to face her, his cheeks had gone back to normal and his facial expression remained neutral.

“Well, I guess I should go now. I’ll see you around.” She waved him farewell and started off in the other direction, likely going to her own lunch table. 

Sean glanced down at the lemonade in his hand and huffed. Interacting with other people was significantly difficult for him, still, but Cassidy had been so nice and considerate to him. He wished he had the courage to actually befriend the girl, but he always required the other person to make take the first initiative. It was why he had such a difficult time making friends. He could never make the first move. This quality basically doomed him to an eternity of bitter loneliness. How was he ever supposed to get into a relationship if he couldn’t even approach someone without having a mini-breakdown over it? 

Besides that, the only person he really had dreamed of ever having a romantic relationship with was Finn, which was ultimately absurd. Glancing around, he then began to make his way back to the table he claimed. As always, all eyes were on him as he walked slowly, holding onto the cold and dripping can of lemonade. He could already see the light brown hair of his friend from far away. He was writing something down with his eyes downcast towards the paper, making his long eyelashes visible. Sean didn’t take his eyes on him for even a second. He couldn’t see him staring anyways. He would always be the reason that he couldn’t possibly fall in love with someone else. He was just so handsome and so charming, that no one could even come close to comparing with him.

Sean sat down, keeping quiet as to not disturb the boy from his writing. He was obviously very concentrated, indicating he was likely trying to finish up a homework assignment that was due in the next class period. He set his can of lemonade down and flipped up the metal piece that opened the can up. Gulping it down hastily, Sean began taking out the snacks that he had prepared for himself in the morning. He chose a bag of chips and opened it slowly, taking another sip of his lemonade before biting down into one of the chips he had taken out of the bag. The crunch was louder than intended and finally alerted Finn to his presence.

The boy looked up with slightly wide eyes, still surprised by the sudden sound. He met his gaze and grinned slightly. “You’re really focused on that assignment, huh?”

Finn sighed softly and rubbed his temples in an irritated manner. “I was just… distracting myself I guess. I don’t want to be here at all, I just want school to be over already. Everyone keeps asking me about Penny’s party, over and over again. It’s annoying as fuck. That’s all they care about. Some of these people never even talk to me, but whenever Penny’s having a party or something, they’re always on my case. He must never shut the fuck up about wanting me to go… and they must want to do everything they can to get on his good side, which includes convincing me to attend.”

“Are you going, then? To Penny’s party?” Sean asked, secretly hoping the answer would be no. He wouldn’t know how to feel if Finn broke their tradition to go hang out with the people who were currently making his favorite day miserable. He shrugged halfheartedly before resting his head on the table.

Sean frowned and reached out to brush some of his bangs out of his eyes. Finn, in response, gazed up at him with his pretty blue eyes. 

The expression on his face had softened into something more affectionate, previous distress disappearing from view. “You don’t have to be around them, you know.” Sean said, his eyes not leaving his friend’s.

He looked away instantly, clearly affected by this comment. “I know. But I do have to.” He replied weakly, barely audible. The connection they were having for a moment was gone within seconds. Finn was no longer vulnerable, all because of his reassurance. 

“You wouldn’t understand, you don’t care what people think.” He murmured, before switching his attention to the food he had previously ignored.

He wanted to say more, but he knew that it would just upset him even more. There was a gigantic barrier set between him and Finn at that moment, and he felt like he would just make it bigger if he made any more personal remarks or suggestions. Finn was so buried in his secrets his lies, he had forgotten that Sean was nothing like the others. He could never imagine him ever entirely trusting him. There would always be some kind of reluctance, no matter how long they could’ve known each other.

“You’re so cold.” Sean said under his breath before scooting away from his friend, allocating him the space he needed to be comfortable in his presence once more. He noticed that the boy seemed to flinch slightly at the comment, meaning he had heard it. He couldn’t bring himself to feel bad, he needed Finn to realize that he was being exactly that. Cold. This was not how he wanted their relationship to be. 

They were just starting to go back to the way they were, and he would not let Finn ruin that no matter what. He just hoped that he hadn’t managed to push him away even further by his own mistake.


	13. Chapter Twelve

_ October 2016 _

Sean glanced once more at the ticking clock mounted on the wall, for what was probably the twentieth time in the last hour and a half. It was six-thirty. and the sun had already begun its gradual descent out of view of the nearby window. He had been lounging around on the couch since he’d arrived home from school. He was waiting. 

Patient, but anxious. He’d gotten no texts, no calls, and absolutely no indication that Finn would be joining him to watch horror movies and hand out candy. No indication that they would be continuing the yearly Halloween tradition that they’d maintained for three years prior.

He hadn’t really expected him to ultimately come over. He’d given him every reason not to, after all, with how he spoke to him at lunch. He knew that even despite the joy of his favorite day of the year, Finn would still find it in himself to be upset about something. 

And now he was distancing himself from Sean all over again. And since that would leave him all alone on his favorite night of the year, he would undoubtedly decide to attend Penny’s stupid party. There was always solace to be found within the clutches of Penny and all his other minions for Finn. Perhaps it was the control? Maybe it was that feeling of false acceptance, and the satisfying, but numb feeling of having the attention of so many people; of having all those eyes on him. 

Whatever it was, Sean would never experience it personally, nor yearn for it. How could someone ever want the worthless validations of mostly empty people in the first place? How could someone, especially someone so full of life and emotion and feelings; someone like Finn, ever find pleasure in such awful company? 

Finn felt so much, sometimes too much, and they felt so little. Sean could easily sense the numbness deep down in the girl who spoke to him in the morning, and he could sense it with all the other people he hung around with. There was a clear-cut difference between the people who had lost the ability to care and the people who truly cared for others. It made him sad to imagine Finn secretly wanting to become one of the former. For now, however, he was trying his absolute hardest to change himself, wasting his precious time in trying to attain a quality that he would likely never have it in himself to harbor. Meanwhile, the clock ticked on as it always did.

_ Maybe I’m wasting my time here, chasing after a boy who’s too broken to even realize that I’m trying to help him. _

Sean sighed and finally got up from the couch. He could already see people out on the street through the window, mostly little kids who had to start their Trick-or-Treating early, before it became too dark and crowded. He was still the only one home, as his dad was still at the garage and his mom was out getting groceries and picking up Daniel from baseball practice. Somehow, his father had decided to allow him the day off. 

It seemed like he was becoming more and more lenient with Sean’s working hours, most likely since he had become such a great help. At last, he was being appreciated. Sean walked towards the kitchen, passing by the various portraits hung up on the wall. His eyes landed on a picture of a younger version of himself holding the hand of Daniel as a toddler and he couldn’t help but smile. A bittersweet smile. Now, they barely even talked. 

He did not dwell for long and quickly made his way into the rather large kitchen. Opening the cabinet, he took out an orange bowl with pumpkin decals on the sides. He thoroughly washed the dusty bowl before getting out a bag of assorted candy that he bought and pouring it all out into the bowl. 

Since the alternative was to be home, all alone for the entirety of the night of Halloween, he decided he was instead going to take a public bus into the city and planned on spending the rest of the night at various horror attractions that were available. He didn’t particularly mind being alone there, he just didn’t want to be alone and moping around all night, missing his best friend. He would just have to distract himself for as long as he could. 

He hurried over to the dining table, carrying the bowl in his hands, where he then set it down. Sean then returned to the kitchen area and picked up one of the stools from the island, carrying it over to the front door before setting it down next to it. He planned to place it out on the front porch, so he swiftly opened the front door and slipped outside, intending to then pick up the stool, but instead jumping back in surprise when he was suddenly met face-to-face with his previously MIA best friend. 

“Hey!” Was all Finn said, grinning up at him excitedly. He looked strangely normal, unlike how he had appeared at lunch. Sean noticed, however, that there was something slightly different about him. Analyzing his appearance, he tried to determine what exactly was bothering him. 

Wait, was that eyeliner he was wearing?? What the hell? Since when did Finn wear makeup?!

Finn noticed Sean’s confused expression, and smiled slyly, saying nothing on the matter. Sean forced himself to drop the subject from his mind, trying to ignore how unusually attractive his best friend looked.

“Come on Seanie-boy, we need to leave now.” He insisted, tugging him forward roughly. 

“Dude, please never call me that again…” Sean muttered, shaking his head in disappointment. 

“Bro, please never call me dude again.” Finn retorted with a shudder before attempting to pull him away again. 

“Wait, hold on, where the hell are we even going?” Sean responded, backing away from his insistent friend. 

“It’s a secret, sweetheart. Please hurry up, I don’t wanna be late, that would make me look bad…” 

Sean rolled his eyes and quickly slipped back inside his house, picking up the stool from before and setting it down outside on the front porch as originally intended. He then took the bowl of candy off the kitchen table and placed it atop the stool. 

“Okay, can we go now?” Finn asked, looking up at him hopefully. 

Sean sighed lightly and nodded. “Sure. Let’s go.” Finn smiled, pretty as ever, and happily led him away towards his small car. He shut and locked the front door and followed after, already extremely nervous. 

Once inside the car, Finn turned to him, a playful little glint sparkling in his eyes. He was horrified. “God, where the hell are you taking us? Please stop smiling like a psychopath, you’re making me regret getting in this car even more than I already do.” 

All he got in response were mischievous-sounding chuckles and the start of the car; still no such explanation about where they were currently headed whatsoever. 

His suspicions that Finn was dragging him to Penny’s dumbass party were growing by the second, but logic simply failed to explain why the boy would ever even consider this. Finn fled to Penny and his friends when he was trying to escape from his pain and feelings, which Sean apparently only seemed to enable. Unless he’d been wrong all along about the nature of his attachment to his other “friends”, there was no explanation as to why he would bring him along. It was also odd that they would be going to a costume party dressed in normal everyday clothes, but then again, they could still change before actually going in. 

Finn hummed along to the radio pleasantly, seeming to be in the wonderful mood he normally exhibited on Halloween night. He watched him periodically, ensuring not to let his traitorous gaze to linger for too long lest Finn notice it and question things. The eyeliner he was wearing seemed to accentuate his features even more, making his blue eyes appear lighter, less child-like. 

What surprised him was that he had done a good job with it. It appeared that this was not Finn’s first time wearing it. Sean smirked to himself, thinking about his new discovery. Where exactly was he going with it on? And who was seeing it? He couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy as he conjured up all the possible situations that Finn had found himself wearing eyeliner in. Still, he was thankful that he had felt comfortable enough to wear it in his presence. It was not something typically worn by guys, but he supposed he was inspired by his edgy style that was only growing since he’d gotten his black gauges. 

The car rolled to a sudden stop as Sean felt a little pressure on his leg. Looking down to find Finn’s hand, he immediately blushed brightly. “Sorry, wasn’t paying attention to the traffic lights too well apparently.” He apologized, looking at him with that playful smile of his as he pulled his hand away, returning it to the steering wheel. Confused, he frowned and looked away towards the window. He was definitely being teased now. 

The rest of the car ride was silent except for the other boy’s soft humming. The quiet did nothing to ease his anxiety as they drove further and further away from the streets he recognized. He knew the more wealthy part of town, which he assumed Penny lived in, were further away from their town, situated away from everyone else so that no poor people could disturb the millionaires and their mansions. 

He pulled into what appeared to be a small community of these large and extremely expensive homes. Shaking his head, Sean mumbled under his breath. He could feel his heart already speeding up a few beats as the reality of his awaiting doom drew more and more apparent. 

“What was that, sweetie?” Finn questioned in the same teasing tone as before, despite knowing damn well what his friend had just said. 

“I said that you’re a bastard. You know that I don’t like parties in general, and that I especially don’t like parties hosted by Penny himself.” 

Finn chuckled. “Little Sean is getting nervous I see… well, worry not, silly elf boy. You know the host quite well, or well enough by your standards of knowing people. I’m sure you will feel comfortable enough to enjoy yourself here.” 

“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean??” He seethed through gritted teeth. He didn’t know Penny at all, and he hoped he never would. There was no way on earth that he could ever be comfortable in his presence. Finn was really being an asshole. 

“Look, I’ll give you a little hug before we go inside. What I said was a bit harsh, I’ll admit, but you really have no reason to be scared. Anyways, I know that hugs always make you feel better, so I’ll just give you one of those instead, you big baby.”

“Wha-what??” Sean stuttered, confused to no end. Finn was acting a way he’d never yet seen until now, and he wasn’t sure what to think about it. 

Carefully, he pulled the car into one a nearby driveway, parking behind another car that looked surprisingly average, considering the type of house it was in front of. He turned off the car, pulling the keys out of the ignition, before stepping out rather quickly. Although reluctant to do so, Sean followed along, closing the car door before glancing all around at the towering mansion that sat before him. 

It seemed strange to him that there were so few cars parked alongside Finn’s. There was also no one outside the house but them. Penny was quite popular, so he would’ve expected a lot more people to show up. But maybe he’d had just brought them there way too early. It was still light outside, so that reasoning was certainly plausible.

As promised, Finn stepped towards Sean, smiling a bit, before pulling him into what he insisted was a “friendly, comforting hug”. Although he registered that his intentions were all in good faith, he couldn’t help but feel even more panicked in the tight embrace. He wasn’t sure if Finn could sense this or not, but it seemed rather suspicious how abruptly he broke away, a barely visible frown adorning his features. Regardless, he made no comment and led him towards the front door of the massive house. 

Sean’s palms had begun to grow clammy, as they usually did whenever he was feeling especially anxious or stressed. He wanted nothing more than to rush back into the car and take himself back to the comfort of his home, where he wouldn’t be forced into scary social situations such as his current one. Unfortunately, this seemed quite impossible since Finn was the one with the keys and he didn’t have his license yet anyways. There was really no simple way out of this predicament. 

He cringed as Finn reached out to knock on the door. He was already imagining the look of distaste on Penny’s annoyingly perfect face when he opened the door to see that Finn had brought along his loser friend that nobody really liked. Feeling tears at the brim of spilling down his cheeks, he watched in horror as the door was slowly opened and out stepped the host of the party at last. 

“Huh?!” Sean exclaimed aloud in utter disbelief. The pretty girl he had just met hours prior in front of the vending machines at school was now standing just where he had imagined Penny to be. 

“Hey, Cass.” Finn greeted cheerfully, clearly familiar with the other girl. He glanced back at Sean, amused at his bewildered expression. 

“Sorry, he was expecting me to be completely evil and force him to attend Penny’s shitty party down the street, so he’s a bit surprised. I believe you two met earlier today, but his name is Sean Diaz, in case you forgot… I know you’re not very good at remembering names…” 

Cassidy chuckled, “That may be true, but I would never forget such a handsome guy’s name. I feel bad that you tricked him into thinking you were seeing that asshat Penny, I’d be just as upset if you did that to me, that dude is all kinds of bad news, Finn.” Sean blushed brightly, trying to subtly hide behind his friend. 

“Hehe, yes. Our Sean has become quite a handsome young man, I knew you would like him...” Finn replied slyly, taking him by the hand and pulling him inside Cassidy’s gorgeous house. As he passed by, Cassidy raised her eyebrows, noticing Sean’s odd expression. She seemed to brush it off, though, simply closing the door behind them.

All around Sean was a magnificent display of wealth and grandeur, which he knew would never be attainable to him in all his life. He instantly felt a pang of jealousy towards Cass and anyone who lived that sort of lifestyle. This place made his relatively nice house look like a shithole now. Some people were just too damn lucky for their own good, he thought while shaking his head slightly in disbelief. 

“Sean, dude, speak… tell me what you think? My wealthy old aunt left me the house for the weekend. I hope it’s to your liking.” 

All he could manage to say in the shock of everything was, “Shit...”

“Shit? It looks like shit? Oh no, you didn’t tell me he was a picky, rich boy, Finn! I feel so embarrassed!!” 

Sean looked at her and burst out laughing. “Yeah fucking right. He’s too amazed to say anything, dumbass. The kitchen in this place is about the size of our houses combined!”

He nodded in agreement, peeking into the humongous kitchen to find that he was not exaggerating whatsoever. Finn shook his head, obviously used to the magnificence of the house by now. He flopped onto one of the nearby sofas, flipping on the TV, which was possibly (definitely) worth more than his car. 

Sean was almost too scared to sit down, not wanting to ruin any of the furniture in fear that he would never make enough money to replace it.

“When’s Jacob coming? I saw Han’s car in the driveway so I assume she’s in the bathroom or something.” 

Cassidy sat down on the other couch near Finn, leaving Sean awkwardly standing alone. He quickly scurried over to them and sat on the same couch as his friend, but not too close. 

“Jacob is always late since he lives the farthest away, but he’s definitely coming. Hannah is somewhere around here, probably trying to find something of my aunt’s to steal, but I guess she’ll come down soon. We need to introduce her to your attractive friend anyways.” 

Ignoring the compliment, Sean was focused on the name that Cassidy had first mentioned. If he recalled correctly, Jacob had been their roommate during the failed camping trip in the summer. 

He flushed in embarrassment as he remembered all of the weird things that Finn had done with him in front of Jacob. He wondered if he would still remember them or even judge Sean for what he had seen. 

“Sean, you remember Jacob, right? He’s a year older than us, but Cassidy recently introduced us. He’s actually a pretty cool guy.” Cassidy scoffed at his comment, looking away towards the television in front of them.

“Yeah, sadly I remember that disaster all too well.” Sean muttered, rolling his eyes.

“Great, then the only person you haven’t met yet is Hannah. She’s, uh…” 

He paused, glancing at Cassidy, who just shrugged nonchalantly. “Well, she’s, uh, Cassidy’s… girlfriend…” He almost gasped in surprise. He had not even thought for a second that Cassidy might be gay… maybe he wasn’t so alone after all? 

“Jeez, don’t look so shocked, it’s not freaking 1950…” Cassidy grumbled, a distinct pink tinting her cheeks. 

Sean was still too amazed to reply.

“It’s pretty shocking when you guys get drunk and start making out in front of all of us without a care in the world.” Finn retorted, reaching over to smack Cassidy’s thigh, before glancing over at Sean. 

“A-are you okay with that sort of thing? I-it’s really not a big deal, you know… like she said…” 

Nodding slowly, he stared at his hands. “Um, yeah, it’s totally cool with me. I’m just, you know, not used to it.”

Suddenly smiling brightly, Finn nodded as well. “To be fair, it’s kinda… cute… it’s different from all those generic couples we see at school, though… But, obviously, I’m not like, gay, or anything…” Laughing nervously, he fiddled with his thumbs, confidence suddenly diminishing. 

Cassidy gave him a strange look. “Yeah… for once my gaydar was incorrect… I have never suffered such a low blow before until I met Finn and he told me all about his disgusting straight-boy-ness.” He shot a death glare towards her, crossing his arms in an aggravated manner.

“So, Sean, are you like Finn too?” She continued, earning a jab in the side courtesy of Finn’s elbow. He immediately went into panic mode, sweat starting to form at his forehead as he thought of an answer.

“Ah… that… that’s uh, I’m straight too, actually…” He replied after a moment of collecting his thoughts. Cassidy seemed a bit disappointed by his answer and even let out a soft sigh, suddenly reaching over to caress Sean’s cheeks. 

“What a fucking shame for the boys, dude, you’re so handsome…” She murmured almost dreamily. 

“Ahem.” Cassidy’s eyes widened in shock and she quickly pulled his hand away, pretending like she hadn’t done such a compromising action mere seconds ago. A girl much shorter than the rest of them was currently descending the stairs with a look of pure indignation towards Cassidy. Admittedly, she was quite pretty too, but not as much as the other girl was. 

“Han, you know I’m just teasing. I love you very, very much.” Cassidy said, her voice more gentle than normal. 

Sean watched in wonder as the shorter girl walked over and gave Cass a little smack on the cheek before sitting beside her with a now smug expression on her face. She reached a hand out towards him, which he shook awkwardly in response.

“I’m Hannah. It’s nice to meet you.” Sean smiled a bit, telling her his own name with a hint of nervousness in his voice.

“Well, as soon as Jacob comes we can start the movies.” Cassidy announced as she put an arm around Hannah, tugging her closer. Sean’s cheeks immediately reddened and he forced himself to look away, trying not to imagine him and Sean doing the same. 

Hannah watched with curious eyes, wondering how he would react to their blatant displays of affection. Unlike him, Finn seemed completely at ease and almost used to seeing them do that sort of thing. He hated to imagine what else he had seen them done, notably when they were drunk. 

Besides Hannah, he could feel enough pair of eyes practically glaring holes into him. He avoided his friend’s gaze, looking absolutely everywhere but at the person sitting beside him. Cassidy and Hannah chatted amongst themselves, with Finn occasionally adding something in reply or answering a question. No one directly addressed him again for a while, thankfully allowing him to calm himself down and settle into his surroundings. 

It wasn’t too difficult to become comfortable around Finn’s new friends. They appeared to be nice and thoughtful people, and best of all, were just like him. 

He’d believed for the longest time that he was the only one in his entire town that wasn’t “normal”. He thought that he would always be alone in his thoughts and feelings and would never be accepted. It felt so reassuring to know that there were others like him, and they were happy and well-liked. He hoped one day he could share the same confidence and honesty about himself. He hoped that one day it wouldn’t be so unusual to feel the way he did. But that day was not yet today, that was for certain. He was too worried about what Finn might perceive or assume of him. 

Not more than twenty minutes passed before there was an audible knock on the front door, alarming all of them to Jacob’s arrival. Cassidy quickly jumped up from the couch, slipping out of Hannah’s arms to answer the door and let the other older boy in. Sean watched, hearing Jacob’s familiar voice as Cass greeted him politely. He was then led into the room that they remained in, and sat on the other side of Finn, away from Cassidy and Hannah. 

Jacob’s eyes lingered on Sean for a moment, as he presumably tried to recall where they had met before. When he looked away, without a greeting, he guessed he clearly remembered the time they had spent together as roommates alongside Finn. He didn’t seem to be rude or anything, just rather quiet and thoughtful. 

Finn, however, seemed to get along with him well as he practically talked his ear off the second he sat down. Well, at least he was certain that he had nothing against him after what he’d seen.

Cassidy clasped her hands together excitedly, looking at all of them with almost childlike glee. “Alright, since everyone is now here, I think it’s time to bring out the food and the beverages and the weed, and start the movie marathon.” She announced before running off into the kitchen, almost skipping as she walked. 

Sean was pleased that Finn and his tradition would be somewhat continued, although with a few more people than usual and inside a million-dollar home, and he couldn’t help but smile a bit, just as excited as Cassidy. He hadn’t felt so happy in a long time, and he was extremely thankful that Finn had met better people and had decided to share them with him.

Looking over at his friend, he was surprised to see him looking back with a strangely affectionate smile on his face. He seemed almost proud in a way, perhaps that Sean was enjoying himself so much, and that he liked his new friends. With a quick wink, Finn turned back to Jacob, resuming their previous conversation. 

Surprisingly enough, Hannah began to converse casually with Sean. He found that the girl spoke in a very gentle and considerate manner, always making sure not to make him uncomfortable or to pry too much into subjects that seemed to be a bit iffy for him to easily talk about. Hannah was a calm and collected person, who seemed to be quite wise and mature, although she was only a few months older than Sean, like Finn.

Sean quickly learned that Cassidy and Hannah’s relationship was undoubtedly a serious and committed one. Hannah brought out a soft and affectionate side in Cassidy that no one else seemed to be able to, while Cass seemed to bring out the liveliness and exuberance in the other girl. It was a perfect relationship; one which Sean felt would last many years if they remained the same. 

They balanced each other out so flawlessly that it made him almost envy them. Finn and him clashed at times, and never quite fit together the way that friends always should, let alone lovers. They were basically a lost cause compared to the two girls, who displayed their love for one another in such an unashamed way.

He wished that they had even a tiny chance. Finn, however, would always be one step away from him. He would always hide his feelings and conceal his wants. Sean would probably never get him the way he wanted him to be, no matter how he tried. It would always be a battle for his affection, for his time, for his love. As if Finn would ever love him. 

Suddenly feeling quite discouraged, he reached forward and scooped up a bottle of beer set on the table before him. The cap was already off so he was easily able to chug it down, ignoring the powerful burn of the foul liquid seeping down his throat. He knew it was stupid and very illegal, but all he wanted was to have a good time. 

*No more moping around about Finn when he’s sitting right next to you… looking so beautiful… *

“Woah, holy shit, Diaz!” Cassidy exclaimed. He had finished about half the bottle and set it back down, looking around to find all eyes on him. 

Everyone seemed to be in awe about his bold actions, which were completely unexpected from him. 

Finn grinned, patting him on the back with an impressed look on his face. 

He couldn’t help but smile back at him. “Uh, sorry, trying to get a little less nervous.” He explained with a sheepish laugh. 

“Dude, is that just a Mexican thing or are you actually more experienced than I thought you were?” Cassidy asked once again, her look of surprise still clear on her face.

She received a slap on the back of the head from the boy beside her. 

Finn laughed loudly. “You fucking idiot! You really are an airhead sometimes… Mexican thing my ass...”

“Sorry! I was just thinking you brought me another innocent Church boy to corrupt, not a badass!” Cassidy teased, earning yet another slap. Apparently, violence was a commonplace thing in their friendship.

Finn simply shook his head and stood up, going over to the TV with his chosen DVD in hand. He had picked a classic; one that they had watched countless times, huddled up together. It was one of the only horror movies that could ever really make Finn scared, which was one of the main reasons why Sean enjoyed it so much. He wondered if the other boy would have the same reaction as usual even with so many people around. He definitely hoped so… 

As expected, Finn didn’t really react throughout the first thirty minutes of the film. At this point, strange things were only beginning to occur and nothing major had yet happened, but this was soon to take a turn for the worst, and he couldn’t help but be excited for the next few minutes to come. 

Sometimes, out of the corner of his eye, he would notice movement coming from the nearby couch, causing him to sometimes flinch due to him being on edge from the movie. Hannah and Cassidy were clearly cuddling right in front of them, and no one seemed to have a problem with it at all. But as they grew closer and closer, Sean often found his eyes betraying him and looking away from the movie and towards them. 

He was curious more than anything. Though he did like to imagine him and his best friend acting the same way together, it was just a fantasy. What really mattered was that it was unique and it was right in front of him. His previous anticipation for the movie to progress was forgotten at times as he couldn’t help but watch them, examining the way they looked at each other and the way they touched. He was absolutely entranced, although he feared it might appear rude. 

Sean happened to be watching them just as a particularly scary part began. He stared as Cassidy hastily looked away from the television screen and buried his head into Hannah’s chest, obviously too afraid to watch. Hannah smiled sweetly, lifting his girlfriend’s head up by her chin before closing the distance between their faces and kissing her full on the lips. Just as this occurred, a terrified shriek rang out and Finn practically jumped into Sean’s arms, burying his face in his chest, just as Cass had done to Hannah seconds ago.

He was too stunned to move. All he could do was hold onto Finn, not willing to let go, but too embarrassed to even comfort his friend. He hadn’t been expecting this same reaction to occur even around others, thinking that Finn’s pride would stand in the way of him acting in such a way. But, apparently, that just wasn’t the case here. 

Sean looked up to meet the knowing and soft gaze of Hannah. He had a feeling that the girl knew all about how he felt; could perhaps sense it. And he obviously had known that he had been watching. Finn calmed down soon after, but still huddled close to his friend. 

They watched movie after movie until eventually Finn’s eyes began to flutter closed, his head resting comfortably on Sean’s shoulder. Smiling just a bit, he reached out to brush away some of the messy brown bangs from his sleeping face, his hand gently going down to caress the soft skin of his cheekbone. 

He didn’t particularly mind if anyone else had seen this action, since he’d been discovered doing worse. It seemed, however, that someone had indeed been paying attention and had noticed what he had done. As soon as Sean removed his hand and turned his attention back to the large screen in front of him, Finn’s mouth curved into a small smile.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**_March 2017_ **

Watching the trees zoom past the filthy window of his dad’s old truck, Finn found his mind to be surprisingly calm. He was strangely hyper-aware of the weight of his rather cheap Samsung phone in his lap. He’d been expecting a message for a while now, and he’d also expected himself to be unbothered by the absence of this message; yet his mind was absolutely consumed with the worry that accompanied the ongoing silence of said device. All he really wanted was a quick check-in... a simple greeting of reassurance that everything was okay and he was just overreacting. 

In the morning he made sure that he’d woken up bright and early to go take a short drive over to Sean’s house. When he’d pulled into the small driveway, he wanted nothing more than to turn the whole car around and head back home to bury himself in the sheets of his bed. There was a vague sensation of pain associated with the sight of his friend’s house, and he had a new, weird feeling in his gut that it would be the last time he would be in that place; in that exact version of himself. 

Once Sean eventually left later that day for his short vacation to California, Finn felt as though he’d return as a completely different person — perhaps one that’d seen more exciting and interesting people and places than their small and boring town could never dream of containing.

As much as Finn tried to instill in himself that other people were merely dispensable and easily replaceable, he felt as though if he actually were to lose the other boy, he might never find someone who could make up for the large gap remaining in his place. Regardless, if losing him was unavoidable in the end, there was nothing he could really do to stop it from happening. He could only enjoy the time he had with him now.

This was precisely the train of thought that managed to get him out of his car. He knew it was risky to come over to Sean’s house so early in the morning, and he also knew his parents could potentially be annoyed with his presence, so he made sure to go around the back of the house, where the garden was. It was convenient that this path led to the back door, and even more so convenient that the door then led directly to Sean’s bedroom. 

By the time he’d reached that very door, his heart had begun pounding at an unusually rapid pace, as if he were about to take an exam for college admission rather than just knocking on his best friend’s bedroom door. Despite the fear he was feeling, Finn knew that he had a very limited time frame and he’d only be wasting it if he hesitated anymore than he already had. With this in mine, he had confidently raised his shaky fist and rapped lightly on the door — careful not to create any more noise than was necessary. The confidence in his knock was purely luck, as inside he’d never felt less confident than at that moment. 

When the door was finally opened, he felt for a moment as though he’d come face to face with an angel of some sort. Sean looked as handsome as ever; with bronze skin free of blemishes. His brown, freshly washed hair was still dripping slightly, making the shoulders of his T-shirt damp from the moisture. His chocolate colored eyes sparkled from the light of the morning shining through the doorway. 

Finn quickly realized that standing there and gawking probably looked awfully off to the other boy standing in front of him and straightened out his composure as best he could. He gave him a sweet, little smile. “Morning, sweetie... Aren’t you gonna let me in?”

Sean returned the smile, opening the door a bit wider for him to slip through. His room was perhaps more cluttered than he’d ever seen it, likely the result of last-minutes and panicked packing. His bedsheets were messily scattered about, indicating that he’d probably only recently woken up since they hadn’t been made. Finn didn’t really mind the mess, however, and plopped down onto the messy bed without another thought. 

“Make yourself at home, why don’t you...” Sean muttered with a playful roll of his eyes. He began scooping up several articles of clothing off the floor and tossing them into the suitcase laid in the middle of his carpeted floor. Meanwhile, Finn merely chuckled and moved to lay down against the bed, discreetly inhaling Sean’s sweet scent through the sheets. He wanted to take in as much as he could before it was gone from him. 

“You really can’t be in here for long, you know. My mom will get pissed if she catches you in here, distracting me like this.” Sean remarked in a stern tone of voice. 

He couldn’t help but scoff in response. “Relax, Sean. If I’m such a distraction then why’d you let me in in the first place, hm?” He rolled over onto his belly, grabbing the nearest pillow to prop his head up. He felt his heart clench as his chin made contact with the pillow — which smelled so strongly of his best friend.  _ He was definitely going crazy.  _

“I-I just didn’t want to be rude...” Sean replied hesitantly, eyeing Finn on his bed, with an expression he couldn’t quite register as he looked back. 

“Well, what time is your flight then?” He questioned, curious just how long he really had before the inevitable. 

Sean let out a soft sigh, throwing another article of clothing into his suitcase before sitting down beside Finn on his bed. “It’s at one, I believe. It’s like seven-thirty now, so I still do have some time left to pack everything. But you know how it is... My mom and dad will probably want to leave the house at nine on the dot or something. That’s just in their nature, I guess... Old people are just so difficult to deal with, you know?”

Finn laughed, knowing full well what he was talking about, since his own dad was the same way. “Your parents aren’t that old. But I know what you mean.”

Following this, the two boys slipped into an uncomfortable, almost tense silence. 

Knowing full well just how close Sean’s body was to his own, Finn had felt his heartbeat quicken even more so from the nervousness. He still wasn’t entirely sure what he was experiencing, but it seemed to be nothing good. It was as if he was developing feelings for Sean... but he knew that couldn’t really be possible. He’d never seen the other boy as anything more than a friend, and he was completely confused as to what exactly could’ve changed these feelings into something more. Finn already knew that his friend’s behavior towards himself was unusual? And he was almost positive that what Sean felt for him was something greater than simple friendship. But surely, Finn didn’t feel the same way. He couldn’t...

Then again, how exactly was he to truly know what Sean felt? He’d only mentioned his sexuality once, and it was to confirm that he was, in fact, only into girls. The scenario had been perfectly safe for him to be honest about himself, so why would he have lied back then? Unlike himself, he knew Sean really had nothing much to lose by revealing personal information as he pleased. He also wasn’t automatically suspicious of other people like Finn was. 

He was just so damn difficult to read, and that, Finn felt, would forever irk him. Usually he had absolutely no difficulty in determining the feelings and motives of others around him, but whenever it came to his best friend, he quickly became lost and very confused. He never knew what exactly Sean wanted from him, or what he truly felt for him. Everything was mere speculation. This all was what seemed to make Sean so special to him, even when Finn didn’t exactly want him to be. 

Finn curiously turned his head towards his friend, just to see what he was doing. He was immediately taken aback to see Sean already staring right back at him, his eyes focused in on the lower part of his face. He found himself frowning in confusion, thinking perhaps he’d gotten a red mark on his chin from pressing it against the pillow, but before he even had the chance to open his mouth to ask, the other boy cane rushing forward and captured his lips. 

At first, he was so stunned that his brain simply could not even comprehend what was happening. It was not long, though, before he finally felt an explosion of a nearly-euphoric sensation inside his previously idle mind. It reminded him of the way he’d felt when he had taken his first drag from a blunt, and of the very first time he’d tried kissing Sean under the trees in the park. 

Feeling himself become more and more consumed with the wonderful sensation, he couldn’t help but indulge himself just slightly, therefore lightly pressing his lips back in response. Obviously taking this as a positive sign, Sean broke the kiss for a moment to move, now hovering above him. He then hastily bent his head down to resume their kiss, which was now even closer and more intense than before. Still as dazed as ever, Finn felt at that moment that he’d really lost all control of himself when he’d started to deepen their kiss. Sean, in response, let out a small sound, which resembled that of a whimper and a sigh. This instantly reminded him of when he’d done the same with Penny and the realization of what he was really doing finally dawned on him. 

Instinctively, he went into panic mode, realizing the horrible thing he’d just let himself do. Not even fully intending to, he bit down on the other boy’s lip to get him to break away. Immediately, he could taste the metallic and unpleasant tang of blood as the other yelped in pain, moving away a bit. 

With tears forming in his eyes, he’d tried to pull away completely from the other. As Sean raised his head, likely to apologize, Finn’s palm moved swiftly to slap him clean across his flushed cheek. He didn’t even look back to see all the damage he’d done, and fled the room, slamming the back door closed behind him as harshly as he could before dashing to his car to leave.

Now sitting in his dad’s car, waiting for Sean to text back, Finn couldn’t help but replay this sequence of events in his head. He tried to rationalize with himself at first, telling himself that he’d reacted the way he had plainly due to it having been so long since his last kiss. He really just had been pathetically horny through the last months of abstinence and had gotten a bit too excited. After all, he already knew he was into boys along with girls… so it wasn’t as though he should’ve been disgusted by it. 

What he could not muster up an explanation for was just how crazed the kiss had made him, even hours after the exchange. Sure, he was horny but he wasn’t lovestruck. 

In the end, all he knew was that he felt extremely shitty for hitting Sean and it was this action specifically which made him feel the most guilty. He had been incredibly harsh — unnecessarily so — having slapped Sean just before he was about to apologize for his actions.

Finn had managed to build up enough confidence hours following the incident, sending Sean a sincerely-written apology for having freaked out so drastically and also asking for him to send a text confirming he’d landed safely in Los Angeles when the time came. There had been no response. He knew, though, that a simple text was never going to be enough to ease the mental anguish Sean was probably feeling over what had gone down. But the damage was already done and he was on his way to a whole other state miles away from Finn. 

“What the hell are you sulking about, boy?” His father suddenly questioned, speaking for the first time throughout the entire car ride. 

“Nothing much, pops.” He replied casually, turning from the dirty window to his father. The man looked more aged than Finn had ever seen him, but at least he seemed happy. 

“Well you better ease on up when we meet Charlotte. I don’t want her thinking my only son left is some asshole, you hear me?”

Finn smiled a bit, sadly. “Loud and clear.”

They were currently en route to a fancy restaurant out in the city. Since Finn’s mother had left, going out to eat together had become obsolete. He was mostly unbothered by this, considering they never really had back when his mother was still with them. Things had changed when bad things started happening with his older brothers and when his mom had lost her job. 

Today, however, was the exception to the rule, as his father was finally taking him to meet his new fiancée, Charlotte. The woman had become apparently insistent that she meet her youngest stepson-to-be, since she wouldn’t be able to meet any of Finn’s older brothers anytime soon. 

When they’d finally reached the restaurant — a pleasant family-owned Italian establishment, Finn no longer thought of the events of that morning. He was more concerned with worrying about how he looked and what Charlotte would think of him. He sincerely wanted to make a good impression, at least for his father’s sake. Besides that, he wondered what the woman of his father’s affection looked like, and how her personality was. Would she be quiet and composed like his own mother was… or would she be outspoken and friendly? 

Finn exited their car as soon as it was parked. His dad did the same and together they walked to the front of the building. Before going inside, his father gave him a stern look, silently telling him to be on his best behavior and not screw this up for him. Finn, in response, gave his father a reassuring grin and opened the door for them. 

Once inside, they were greeted and directed to a table towards the back of the restaurant, towards the window. Sitting there was a woman with red hair. She still seemed relatively young-looking, but not to the extent where it looked odd for her and his father to be together. When they neared, Finn watched her eyes flick over to his dad, and then to him. For a second he saw them widen, before she excitedly stood up from her chair, a smile spreading on her lips. 

He was surprised to see how genuinely happy she was to be finally moving, and stared back, unsure of how to react. She came over to them, first hugging his father lovingly and then him. He stood there, stiff, but hugged her back. She was much shorter than them both, and likely shorter than the average woman. After greeting one another, they then sat down at the table she’d picked, with her across from the both of them. 

Finn was quiet for a while, unsure of what exactly he wanted to say. After all, this would be her very first impression of him and he wanted it to be good. He knew he was good with people, but in a circumstance such as this one, he wasn’t sure if that was enough to win her over completely. 

“Finn… It’s so, so nice to meet you! I’ve been wanting to for the longest time but your dad insisted on waiting a while…” She finally addressed him. Her voice was soft and sweet, just like he’d expected it to be. 

He looked down, still unsure of what he wanted to say. His father noticed his hesitancy and put a hand on his shoulder. “I figured we should give you time to come to terms with everything happening…” 

He glanced upwards, seeing that her eyes were still on him. Inhaling softly, he forced himself to relax, giving her a small smile. “I’m happy to meet you too…” 

They were able to fall into a casual conversational tone, discussing everything from his school life to his specific interests and hobbies. He didn’t really have much to tell her, but still felt responsible in making her feel welcomed and respected. She, in turn, was kind to him. 

He decided early on that he liked her. She seemed like she had all her aspirations in order and really cared about her career. It was good that his father had found someone who was actually doing well in life… someone so different than his mother — who’d completely lost sight of all that she ever wanted or dreamed of having. Charlotte, above all, had a good heart and he could tell from early on. She obviously cared a great deal for his father, and she wanted to care for Finn like he was her own son. Despite this, he couldn’t help but feel that he was betraying his mother in a way, by liking the woman his father had cheated on her with. It wasn’t like Charlotte had known any better, but the fact that she’d still stayed with his father after she’d found on made him feel some kind of way. 

Towards the end of their meal, he noticed his father and Charlotte shooting each other urgent looks, and he began to grow anxious. 

“Um, is something wrong?” He asked hesitantly, glancing at either of them. 

“Son, I think it’s about time that I tell you the good news…” 

“What good news?” He questioned, even more nervous than he already was. Charlotte smiled, reaching out to place her hands atop Finn’s. She ultimately let his father speak, though, figuring he would rather hear it from him than her. 

“Finn, we’re getting married.” His father finally said. 

He thought he would be more hurt by this, but in a way, he had already expected it. He didn’t think he would ever come to terms with what his father had done, but it was really no use getting upset about it. In a way, he was happy about the way things had gone — even though it meant losing his mother. The marriage would just seal the deal, and wouldn’t really change much. What had been done was already done.

He still congratulated them, trying to seem as happy for them as possible, even though he wasn’t exactly overjoyed with the revelation. The rest of their time was spent discussing the wedding, with Finn chiming in whenever he felt it was necessary. A few minutes before they eventually got up to leave, he felt his phone buzz from his pocket and was reminded once more of Sean and all that had occurred that morning. 

Disregarding that it might appear rude, he hastily pulled his cell phone out and unlocked it, unintentionally smiling as he saw that he had indeed gotten a text back from Sean after hours of waiting. All he’d sent was a message saying he’d arrived in California safely, not even bothering to address his previous apology. He didn’t exactly mind, more happy that Sean was okay than anything. Fearing that his father might scold him, he quickly shoved it back into his pocket. 

—

Sean was sitting nearest to the window, with Daniel still sleeping beside him and his mother next to Daniel. Their father was at the end of the row across, separated from them only by the walkway. Their plane had just touched down in California. It had been a short ride, but an admittedly bumpy one.

Daniel had bothered him in the beginning, having pestered him to watch his stupid YouTube videos and play along with his equally stupid mobile games. Thankfully, the kid had drifted off within thirty minutes of take off and had been passed out cold ever since. 

Once he’d finally done so, Sean decided to do some sketching in his notebook while listening to music he’d downloaded onto his phone. Not even intending to, he’d found himself drawing Finn. By that point he had practically mastered his portrait and found no difficulty in recalling all of his features from memory alone. 

He, of course, thought about what had happened before he’d gone to the airport. At first he’d been completely mortified by his own actions, wanting nothing more than to dig a deep hole in the ground and bury himself within it. He had acted purely on instinct when he had leaned forward and initiated the kiss. By the time he’d realized what he’d done, Finn was kissing him back. He nearly wept in relief, thinking perhaps his crush of nearly eight years might feel the same… but then he was ending it and rather violently so. And it was crystal clear that he definitely did not feel the same.

By some miracle, Finn had been the first to reach out hours later, sparing Sean the pain. All he had said was that he was extremely sorry for dreaming out the way he had. He didn’t even really bother to address what had occurred between them and Sean was honestly more than satisfied with that. He didn’t want to think about what had happened, let alone talk about it with the other boy. 

When he’d eventually landed and was able to use his phone off of airplane mode, he sent a simple text to Finn assuring he’d arrived in California safely and left it at that. He wondered just how awkward it would be the next time they saw each other. 

The passengers in the upper rows filed gradually out of the plane, taking their sweet time to collect their belongings from the storage areas above and around their seats. As more people began to exit, he’d promptly shoved his sketchbook back into his backpack, along with his cell phone, since he assumed he really wouldn’t be using it anytime soon. 

He glanced over at Daniel’s sleeping form, noticing that his mother was also looking at the boy. Her gaze moved towards him, and she gave him a small smile. “Are you gonna wake him up or am I gonna have to?” She questioned, her voice slightly scratchy from disuse. 

Sean rolled his eyes. “I’ll do it, I guess.” 

She reached over to lightly pat his cheek in thanks, but before pulling her hand away, she’d frowned, looking as though she were confused. 

“What??” He asked, trying to move her hand away. 

“Your lip has a cut. Guess you must’ve bit in during the flight…” She replied before finally pulling away, giving him a shrug. He felt his cheeks grow hot at this comment, knowing exactly what the cut had been from. His fingers went up to brush against it out of curiosity. Finn had got him good… 

Pushing these thoughts aside, he began the impossible task of waking his slumbering little brother up from his nap. Daniel was not only difficult to stir, but also extremely grouchy when he was first roused from sleep. With much effort, though, he’d managed to wake up Daniel in time for them to grab the rest of their belongings and join the line of people leaving the aircraft. 

“Why is it taking so long??” Daniel whined after a few minutes of standing around. 

“The more you complain, the longer it takes.” Sean replied, similarly to how his parents had when he’d complained annoyingly as a kid. 

“That’s not true… You’re just telling me that so I’ll shut up.” Daniel retorted, obviously too smart for his own good. 

Eventually, they made it to the very front of the line and were able to exit, walking down the long halfway leading back to the airport. The airport they were currently at was a lot bigger than the one back at home, and definitely a lot fancier as well. Little shops and restaurants were all around, though he knew they were probably extremely overpriced due to their location. His family wasn’t exactly swimming in cash, so they probably wouldn’t be going to any fancy places during their trip. They were already saving money by staying at a relative’s house, specifically one of his mother’s cousins who was some model or something. 

Although he’d met her and her family before, this was his first time coming to California. His family had never been the type to travel anyways, at least not out of his state, so he was curious how they would manage in a few days when they were so far away from all sense of normalcy. He also wondered if he would perhaps miss Finn in the week he was gone. Normally it was the other boy who took the vacations, rather than himself.

Upon retrieving all their luggages, they exited the airport and waited for the bus which would take them closer to their destination. The city of Los Angeles was bustling, in every sense of the word. It was almost a bit overwhelming, how many people were hurrying about. Just as he’d expected, many of the passersby either looked pretty enough to be rich and famous or tourists who were too marveling at all which surrounded them. 

Sean had never seen so many palm trees in his life while sitting on the bus which eventually came. It seemed strange that a place that was technically so close to his home state could be so very different. He wondered too if his father’s homeland, Mexico, was anything like California — since it was also quite close. He had never been particularly interested in the place, but his father talked often of how he wanted to take a trip there one day with Sean and Daniel so he could show them where he grew up all those years ago. 

It was sweet, he thought, even though it probably would never happen. His father had to be begged and pleaded for months by his mother before he had agreed to take the trip they were on, since he was such a workaholic. But perhaps he’d feel more encouraged to go if it was the place he had grown up in. Even his father surely liked to partake in some good old-fashioned nostalgia. 

Being in California reminded Sean of all the times he and Finn had discussed their futures, particularly where they both wanted to live. Finn was adamant on leaving Washington, insisting that he’d rather be anywhere in the world but their town. It had made him sad for a moment, thinking that there could potentially be a future where they were separated by miles of distance. 

At the same time, though, he agreed with the other boy’s sentiments. Their town had nothing much to offer him. The only good qualities it really had were, of course, Finn and the wonderful friends he’d made recently — namely Cassidy, Hannah, and Jacob, along with his family. Besides them, there was really nothing holding him back from leaving and never coming back. Perhaps he would too, since the people he loved wouldn’t always be there in the future. 

“So… what do you think, Sean?” His father finally spoke. The man was sitting across from him with Daniel sitting beside him.

“It’s, um, really nice. A little crowded but I guess that’s expected, right?” He replied, hesitantly glancing around at the abundance of people sitting down on the bus. 

“That’s L.A. for you.” His mom replied with a chuckle.

“It’s so hot here, though…” Daniel chimed in, a whiny tone evident in his voice. 

“You should go to Mexico then,  _ hijo _ . Talk about hot…” His father replied, ruffling his hair affectionately. 

Sean smiled, looking around at all his family members. For once, he had a wonderful feeling that maybe they would have a really good time together. 


	15. Chapter Fourteen

_**April 2017** _

Sean sighed aloud rather dismally as he approached the entrance of the building he’d just pulled up to. Of course he was the only one there yet… He hadn’t had much confidence in the vast majority of his friend group, but he’d foolishly believed at least Jacob would’ve arrived at the agreed upon time. Perhaps the older boy had known better than to put any faith in the lazy stoners of the group.

Unhappily, he made his way over to a small bench that was indicated as the designated smoking area. He eyed the discarded cigarette butts on the asphalt with a scowl, pulling his cell phone out from the pocket of his black jean jacket. Sean considered calling Finn for a moment, but decided against it, sending an annoyed text in their group chat before moving onto the stupid mobile games Daniel downloaded on the device.

He played along, not entirely focusing on the game, but instead using it as an outlet for his boredom and slight discomfort at being alone. He thought often about how things had been in the past month, since he’d returned from spring break in California. The one exchange he’d dreaded the most was with his own best friend, which he’d pushed off for nearly a week after his return home. Things were oddly normal between them, though, and he was convinced at first that he’d simply dreamed up the entire situation. Slowly, however, it became apparent that it had definitely happened.

It was only a small thing at first. Sean had been sitting across from Finn at a restaurant and had leaned over to grab something quickly from far away. In an instant, the other boy had recoiled away, so fast that he caused the unsteady table to rock back and forth. Then it was far more obvious behavior, with him outright rejecting even a small handshake with him, or any physical contact of the sort.

The physical distancing that Finn had begun to put up was not even the part that really irked Sean, so much as the complete reluctance to even speak about what had occurred between the two of them. He knew it was an awkward situation and incredibly uncomfortable, but surely Finn must’ve been curious about why he’d done it in the first place? Hell, Sean even had some unanswered questions as to why the other boy had taken the kiss even further than it had been when he initiated it. Surely no straight guy would go along with something like that…

That kiss was constantly on his mind. It wasn’t the first time that they’d done it, yet it was much more complex than a curious little peck. It ignited something inside Sean that truly scared him; something he never thought he would feel. Obviously, as a growing teenage boy, he’d had certain thoughts cross his mind. Those thoughts were never quite so intense as they were after that kiss. It even became increasingly difficult to look Finn in the eyes after the things that he’d thought up, particularly at night.

“Aren’t you a bit shameless? Watching porn in the middle of a parking lot, really?” Came a familiar voice. Sean glanced up, immediately alarmed, but calmed down as he recognized it as Jacob. He looked a bit rough, as though he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep in a couple days.

“I’m not watching porn…” He insisted with a scowl.

“Sure looks like it. You’re blushing like crazy.” Jacob smiled a bit sheepishly, going to sit nearby the younger boy. “Nah, I’m just teasing. No one watches porn without sound anyways.”

Sean rolled his eyes in response, silently cursing himself for being so expressive about his inner thoughts. If other people had seen him instead of Jacob, surely, they would’ve thought wrongly…

“Ah, was it really that obvious?” He let out a weak laugh, setting his phone down on the empty space besides him. There still had been no response from the groupchat, but he figured they must at least be heading over now that a few minutes had passed. Besides, he was less anxious now having another person to wait around with... as tense as their usual interaction was.

“You’re totally obvious, dude. I could tell from the time I met you that you’re a pervert!” Jacob joked along, at first worrying Sean that he knew more than he let on. Alas, he was only going along with the joke.

Sean chuckled absentmindedly. “Speak for yourself, Jesus lover… Anyways, do you have any idea where the others are? It’s already been about ten minutes since I got here.”

Jacob shrugged nonchalantly as he reached into his pocket, retrieving a half full pack of smokes. The older boy carefully took one out and shot Sean an inquisitive glance. 

“Nah… no thanks.” He immediately replied, feeling disgusted at the very idea of smoking. Jacob shoved the pack back into his pockets before he’d even finished his sentence, already knowing what he would say by the look on his face. 

“Why do you even hang out with us?” Jacob questioned after taking a drag from his cigarette, blowing the smoke out with his words. 

“H-huh?” Sean asked, strangely flustered with a serious tone he’d taken on. “I don’t get what you mean…” 

“Well, you know… All of us minus you are kinda fucked up in some way or another. Hannah and I already dropped out of school and Cass is barely making it through her senior year… Finn is Finn, I know you already knew him before. So what’s the deal?” 

“I… I don’t really have any particular reason for hanging out with you guys. You’re just a fun bunch of idiots who make me feel happy. It doesn’t matter how “fucked up” you are, I’ve never felt so connected with a bunch of people in my life.” 

“Hmm. That’s nice to hear, but I can’t help but feel bad, like I’m dragging you down as a person. But, whatever, it’s your choice in the end.” Jacob took another puff, this time obnoxiously blowing the smoke in Sean’s direction as if he were making some kind of statement. The other boy jerked his head away in response, frowning at the gesture. Once the smoke had dissipated, he scooted back towards Jacob, giving him an annoyed scowl. Things went silent for a while and he was able to settle down just a bit.

“Listen, Sean, I know you’re in love with Finn.”

Sean’s cheeks immediately flushed red with the embarrassment and he instinctively moved towards Jacob, clamping a hand impulsively over his mouth. “S-shut up! Who the hell says that shit out of the blue?!”

In this exchange, Jacob’s cigarette had fallen to the ground, landing neatly atop Sean’s checkered Vans. The boy immediately kicked it off and stomped it out with the bottom of his shoes, worried that it would damage them. His hand which had been covering Jacob’s mouth was promptly removed by him as he let out a small chuckle. “You’re so funny…”

“I’m not funny! My shoe could’ve caught on fire!!” He insisted, crossing his arms angrily. “Now tell me what the fuck you’re going on about!”

“I would but it seems I’m too late.” Jacob replied casually, gesturing to a pickup truck that was entering into the parking lot, headlights turned on bright even though the sun hadn’t fully gone down. It was obvious just from the carelessness of the driving alone that it was Cassidy’s truck, likely containing Finn and Hannah as well.

Sean shot him a death glare and got to his feet, snatching up his cell phone. Angrily, he stomped over to where the truck was pulling haphazardly into a spot. He wondered briefly if Jacob had seen their car approaching from far away when he’d asked such a strange question, simply to mess with his brain for the rest of the night. Was he really that obvious that even someone as distant as Jacob could see through his feelings? 

Once the truck came to a halt, the parking job rather shitty, Finn came barreling out of the passenger door and rushing up to greet him. For a moment Sean thought he was going in for a hug, but it seemed he came to his senses and they exchanged a handshake. He looked zooted out of his mind, judging from the reddish tint of the whites of his eyes, yet happy nevertheless. Following him came Hannah, who calmly exited the truck and made her way to Sean, nodding towards him with a hint of a smile. Then, there was Cassidy who clumsily exited the driver’s side and excitedly hurried over to him, giving him a big hug. She was always so friendly. 

“I hope you didn’t wait long!” Cassidy exclaimed, releasing him from her iron grip. She had an apologetic look on her face, along with an affectionate little smile. 

“Nah, I should’ve known better than to arrive on time. Jacob came not too long ago anyways, and kept me company…” He responded, giving her a reassuring grin. 

Sean took a brief glance over at Finn, immediately taken aback when they made direct eye contact. His traitorous cheeks immediately began to heat up. The other boy’s gaze was strong and unwavering, and the intensity was overwhelming, so he quickly looked away. 

“Oh, Jacob is here?” Cassidy asked with a confused expression 

“Mhm…” The other male replied, walking up to them cooly with his hands shoved inside his pockets. Sean avoided looking at him, still embarrassed after what he’d brought up only minutes before. Teasingly, though, he wrapped an arm around Sean’s shoulders when he was close enough. 

“Let’s go inside. It’s hot as fuck out here.” Hannah remarked, already making her way to the entrance of the building, looking annoyed as usual. Cassidy rolled her eyes jokingly and skipped off towards her, kneeing her in the ass and then brushing past her to be in front. Sean couldn’t help but smile at the exchange and how Hannah’s ears reddened as a result of the other girl’s actions. 

Finn was silent as he began to walk, following after the other two with his back turned towards Sean and Jacob. He couldn’t help but get the feeling that he was irritated by something, but had absolutely no idea what he could’ve been mad about. Shrugging Jacob’s arm off, he ran after Finn, slapping the middle of his back. “Hey, what’s wrong?” He asked, lowering his voice and leaning towards the other boy. 

“Nothin’ much. Why do you ask?” Finn’s answer was curt and to the point. Nothing in his voice indicated that he was anything but neutral, but the way he’d walked off with little disdain was rather uncharacteristic of him. A small and foolish part of Sean’s mind wanted to believe that he was jealous. But he knew better than to think such outlandish thoughts. Finn was probably just eager to head inside with everyone else, and Sean and Jacob were taking their sweet damn time. 

“No reason.” Sean gave him a shrug and increased his pace, so he was no longer walking along with Finn or Jacob. He soon caught up with Hannah and Cassidy and pulled open the doors to the establishment. The inside of the bowling alley was nothing special. It smelled as expected of a bowling alley and it looked the part too. There were families all around at different lanes, along with the occasional group of friends. It was crowded, but not to the extent that they wouldn’t be able to get their own bowling lane. Cassidy apparently knew one of the workers there, so she led them over to the front counter, apparently meeting her friend. She told him how many of them there were, just as the other two were entering through the building, and he managed to give them all a discount of fifteen percent off. The price was cheap to begin with, so Sean was easily able to pay off his admission fee without breaking the bank. 

Once everyone had paid, they moved on to the shoe rental area. Sean found himself cringing as he remembered just how raggedy and disgusting they were. He had no choice, though, but to instruct the worker that he was a size eight and pick up the ugly-looking shoes with a grimace. He wondered if they ever cleaned the things, judging from the smell alone. Following suit were Cassidy, Hannah, Finn, and Jacob, who seemed to be much less affected by it than he was. 

Since he’d finished getting his shoes and paying first, he was designated as the one to find them a place to sit altogether. He went towards the back of the establishment, where there were notably less people clustered together. He knew better than to pick a lane next to a family, since his group often used crude and vulgar language that would likely lead to them getting kicked out if others heard. There was, however, a bunch of college kids on the left side of them, but he figured they would be unbothered. 

After he successfully led the others to the lane, he quickly keyed in all of their names into the machine, in no particular order. The computer randomized the order, making Hannah first to bowl, then Cassidy, then Jacob, then Sean, and finally Finn. Satisfied with this, he went to pick out a bowling ball with the others. Cassidy was already making a beeline towards the fiery pink ball which closely resembled the color of her new hair color currently, while Hannah seemed to pick a random green one without much thought into the process. Jacob chose a black ball, while Finn snatched up a bright blue one that was rather unique compared to the others. Sean smiled at their characteristic choices, and then picked up a purple ball of his own.

Altogether, they walked to the lane that Sean had reserved for them and set their respective bowling balls down into the track. Jacob picked the seat right next to Sean and immediately began slipping on his bowling shoes, striking a random conversation with him to fill the unusual silence. Normally, Finn was the one who did the majority of the talking, and he was often the loudest one out of all of them. Being that he was in some kind of mood that inhibited his want to provoke conversation, it was uncomfortably quiet. 

Sean vaguely listened to what Jacob was talking about, but kept a close eye on Finn, watching him scowl at the ground as he shoved on the bowling shoes. It was almost like he was a small child, pouting over some stupid reason, except he was quiet vicious-looking when he was that way. He’d noticed since they entered the building that the people around gave Finn anxious looks and attempted to avoid crossing paths with him. It was probably that nasty expression on his face that did it, but also the way he held himself as if he were some kind of ruffian. 

Cassidy and Hannah turned out to be quite good at bowling, with Cassidy nearly earning a strike and getting a spare and with Hannah actually getting a strike on her first try. It was brutally obvious that the two girls had the upper hand on everyone else, by about the fifth time around. They’d racked up quite an impressive amount of points even so early on into the game, and Sean found himself having to step it up. 

When the time came for his turn, he strided confidently up to the rack, grabbing his purple ball and beginning to walk towards the lane. He easily got into position, copying the method that his father had taught him all those years ago when they’d gone bowling altogether. Normally he didn’t really bother to put so much effort into it, but he was determined to get at least one strike. 

His throw was clean and fast, zipping down the lane with remarkable speed. It collided with the pins with a loud crashing noise, wiping out the entire row in front and in the back. At first, he didn’t realize what he’d managed to do, but understood when the machine announced he’d gotten himself his first strike. 

Sean returned to his seat with a satisfied grin amid the cheers from the girls, the metal of the rental shoes clacking annoyingly against the wood as he made his way over. Jacob clapped a hand around his shoulder, congratulating him. Sean thanked the older boy, watching as Finn got up from his seat across and shuffled towards the bowling ball track. His expression was still of unpleasantness, like he’d rather be anywhere in the world but there. This complete change in attitude confused Sean, since he’d never been the type to act moody around the rest of their friends. 

He watched intensely as Finn picked up the blue ball that he’d chosen for himself and made his way to the lane. Sean wondered if he would finally show off some of his bowling skills after his own demonstration, but he seemed to only halfheartedly launch the ball towards the pins like he’d been doing. Sean was determined at first to watch the ball take its course, but quickly became sidetracked with Jacob insistently tapping on his arm. 

“What do you want?” He asked a bit too forcefully, wrenching his head to look at him. Along with Finn, Jacob was also acting particularly odd, being that he was actually interacting with him consistently and frequently at that. Admittedly, their relationship had improved in the past weeks, but not to such an extent. 

“Come out with me for a smoke. I know you don’t want one but I just want to talk.” He relayed in a lowered voice close to his ear, as to not alert the others to this request. 

Sean found himself flinching away from him, eyes returning to Finn, noticing that all the pins but one were no longer standing. For some reason, this outcome bothered him more than a gutter-ball probably would’ve, but he knew the other boy still had a chance to earn himself a spare. Unfortunately, he knew that he couldn’t stick around to watch this come to fruition, and promptly got to his feet along with Jacob.

As soon as he exited the building and returned to the dark and dismal parking lot, he regretted it. He knew that Finn was upset, yet he had just left without another word. It was just too difficult to approach him when he was stuck in his moods; after all, it wasn’t as if he’d ever really been willing to share any particular issues he was facing before. 

Jacob, however, led him without another thought, to a secluded area near the benches they’d sat at only an hour prior. He leaned up against the wall of the building, bringing out his nearly empty pack of cigarettes and producing a single one. Like before, he stuck it into his mouth and lit it quickly. Sean subtly wrinkled his nose, already dreading the smell which would only grow stronger. 

“Do you know why I asked you to come out here, Sean?” He asked between puffs. 

“Mhm. You wanted to talk about that thing earlier about Finn. You probably want to tease me about it or even blackmail me, I can see it now.” Sean replied with a roll of his eyes.

“Why would you think that?” Came the older male’s response followed by a chuckle. 

“I mean… you’ve been acting all Buddy-Buddy all of a sudden, there’s gotta be something up your sleeve, right?” He defensively countered, standing still and firmly before him. Jacob was a few inches taller than him, but they were at the same eye-level. Sean kept unwavering eye contact with him, attempting to hide any weakness of the sort. 

“Not exactly. I really just wanted to chat with you a bit about your unrequited love. When did it start?” 

“I don’t see why I should tell you that.” 

“You don’t have to. But I figured you might wanna talk about it, since I’m sure you’ve kept it a secret for… all these years… if my guess is correct.” Another puff of smoke is carried away by the light nighttime breeze and Sean finds himself groaning, giving in.

“Fine. I’ve liked Finn that way since the day I met him. I don’t think there was ever a moment where I wasn’t unaware of my feelings for him. It disgusted me at first, but it was just natural, what could I do? Anyways, I don’t ever want him to find out because I value our friendship way too much… and it’s like seriously something that would fuck us up. I’m not gonna lie, though, sometimes Finn pulls some weird shit, but I think he’s just messing with me. Cause why would anyone—“ He explains away, releasing the pent up frustration that came from holding such a confession within himself for so long. 

“Wow. That long, huh? Seems like I’ve got some fierce competition.” Jacob cuts him off with a disgruntled murmur, slumping further against the wall. 

Sean opened his mouth to continue his rant until he was able to fully comprehend the weight of his words and their implications. “Competition? What the fuck are you on about??” He exclaimed a bit louder than was probably necessary. 

Jacob exhales a heavy sigh, bringing the cigarette to his lips and then inhaling it slowly and almost sensually. As soon as it leaves his lips, Sean immediately knows that he’s going to be bombarded with a cloud of that terrible-smelling stuff, but finds he is too slow to react in time. Jacob manages to blow it towards him in an O-shape, which impresses him for a moment’s time before he remembers how deadly secondhand smoke is. 

“Goddamn it, Jacob! That is so damn r—“

“Can you not like Finn?” Jacob cuts him off again, posing the question as if the meaning behind it was as clear as day, and not possibly the most confusing thing Sean has been asked in his young life. 

“In case you’re wondering, back in the old days, blowing smoke in someone’s face was a gesture you used to let someone know you want to fuck them. While that may be partially true, I also did it because I know it annoys the living shit out of you.” Jacob continues, breaking Sean’s flabbergasted silence. 

“W-what?...” He stuttered out, his cheeks turning bright red as he took a few steps backwards in his shock. Jacob grinned a bit, discarding his cigarette with a flick of his hand, and reaching out for Sean’s with the same hand. Around his wrist he wore a torn and frayed bracelet with beads forming a tacky cross, and Sean was immediately taken aback by the contradiction it created, as he pulled forcefully by that hand, and he found himself being kissed for the third time in his life. 

At first all he could really register was how disgusting Jacob’s mouth tasted, being that he was a habitual smoker and had already likely gone through an entire day without brushing his teeth. Despite having a year more of experience, he was a surprisingly terrible kisser, and it therefore pathetically paled in comparison to the mind-numbingly good ones he’d shared with Finn. 

Sean went along with it not because he was enjoying it, but rather out of curiosity. It intrigued him how differently the same action could feel with someone else other than the boy he loved, and he wondered what was the distinguishing factor which made Finn’s so much more intoxicating. He made no effort to part ways even when his curiosity was sated, mostly because he didn’t know how. Jacob seemed persistent as hell and things were only growing in intensity by the second. 

The taller boy maneuvered Sean against the wall of the building, hand still gripping onto the other’s limp one.  _ He was just too persistent… _ They carried on like this for the longest time, with Jacob clenching onto his hand and forcing his tongue inside his mouth. As disgusting as it was, the latter half found his own body to be immovable. He seriously pondered if they would ever stop kissing, until a heavy force suddenly disconnected the two and he was finally set free from the torture. 

Coughing, Sean doubled over, trying not to retch as he furiously wiped his lips with the sleeve of his hoodie. With one eye squinted open, he managed to make out Finn’s figure standing not too far away, striking Jacob in the cheek with his fist so harshly he’d fallen to the ground. From there on, he continued the beating, having the upper hand due to his initial attack having been unpredicted. 

Sean watched almost too calmly as Finn beat the living shit out of Jacob, leaving him unconscious in the middle of the road. He was still partially in shock, but also had begun experiencing a degree of dissociation which he figured had been the reason why he’d been unable to move his body and ultimately break the kiss. It was scary, really, how much control he’d lost in that instance. 

“Sean… hey… You’re okay now. He’s out cold.” Came a soft and reassuring voice. Sean’s favorite voice out of all. His lips formed into a smile, staring up at his best friend. 

“You really fucked him up, huh?”

“I… I did. I didn’t even mean to, honestly. But it just pissed me off to see him forcing himself on you. I think he’s high on something other than weed, and he wasn’t thinking right. But that’s no excuse.” Finn explains, placing his hands on his shoulders to steady him and to likely bring him back to reality. 

“It’s fine… I don’t really care…” Sean forced out along with a weak laugh. “I deserve it anyways, don’t I? I’m just as bad as him, right? I’m sorry you had to feel that way… I didn’t realize it was so g-gross.” He feels tears start to well up in his eyes and wipes them away with his hands balled up into fists. 

Finn is completely taken aback by this, shock clearly visible on his face as tears start to drip down Sean’s cheeks. “No… no… don’t say that! This is totally different, trust me! It wasn’t gross at all… I’m… I…”

“It’s f-fine you don’t have to lie to me. If it was anything like what I just experienced I really d-deserved that slap.” He mutters out, keeping his head down to avoid Finn seeing the steady flow of tears now seeping from his eyes. 

Finn is silent, looking down at Sean with an unreadable expression that slightly resembled pity. He cups his face, tilting it up so he can look him in the eye. This only makes him cry harder. 

“G-god… did you hear what I told him before?! P-Please… please don’t take it the wrong way… I-I seriously like you and I have since I met you, but I fucking promise it wasn’t weird like that!!” 

Finn does nothing but stare at the boy for the longest time while holding his face in his hands. Some of his tears fall further down and land on his fingers, but he keeps them there. 

He says nothing at all for a while, either not knowing what to say or not willing to say what he needed to. His hands eventually leave Sean’s face and the lack of support causes him to come stumbling towards Finn, who instinctively catches him and holds him.

“Finn, I think… I think I’m in love with you or something.” Sean managed to say while gripping onto him, although his words are muffled. The confession is groundbreaking to say the least, to the extent that Finn has absolutely no idea what to say. It was rare that another interaction could actually leave him speechless, but he was clueless as to how to respond to the revelation. 

How was he supposed to know how he truly felt about Sean? He’d seen him as a friend for the majority of the time they’d known each other, absolutely nothing more than that. The thought of Sean harboring feelings other than friendship was never out of question, but it was apparent from his outburst that it was a whole lot more than just an over-attachment. He knew he was foolish to not realize this with their second kissing incident, and he suspected perhaps his slip-up during that time had only caused Sean’s feelings towards him to strengthen to the point of no return. 

There was also the major issue of how he could continue to deny that he felt something for him as well. Normally, he would try his hardest to distance himself from Sean and find a new shitty crowd to spend time with (as horrible as it was) but that had already proved to be quite ineffective. 

“Fuck…” Was all he could manage to mutter out, cursing not only at his indecision, but also the approaching flashing of blue and red light coming towards them at a high speed.

Sean picked up on the sounds of the sirens and pulled away from him, glancing around at the scene before him with red eyes. Not too far off, there was a middle-aged, balding man standing by the front of the establishment, watching them with narrowed eyes and a phone in his hand. It was obvious he’d heard the commotion and had rushed outside to see some guy on the ground and two random teenage boys embracing dramatically. 

Finn let out a groan, already putting his hands up in the air as the cop cars came to screeching halt and two officers rushed out with their handguns  drawn. Sean hesitantly put his hands up as well, beginning to cry again out of nervousness.  _ What a fucking mess. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I know this Jacob is a bit different than the one in the game, but it was necessary for him being an shitty person/asshole for the ~drama~ lol. Thanks for reading, everyone, sorry for how long it takes between each update... I’m super busy these days.


End file.
